1. ELABORATION: Building on Ideas
Each strategy in lesson 1 provides definition of terms, examples, student samples, and opportunities for students to practice.
Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved.

2. Definition of Elaboration
Elaboration means. . .
To tell the reader more using
Specific words
Extensions (phrases, clauses)
Onion-like layering of detail
Specific strategies, e.g., anecdotes or scenario, lists for specificity, examples, definitions, descriptions, quotations, statistics, and facts.
It has been very successful with groups of students to have them respond chorally. The teacher asks, “What does elaboration mean?” The students respond, “Tell me more.” The teacher then proceeds to tell them more.

3. What does elaboration look like?
ANECDOTES -- An anecdote is a short narrative inserted into a text that develops an idea or argument. This sounds like. . .
Once when I was in middle school, the kids would
always. . .
Hey, I remember the time when I had to carry my . . .

4. Develop your point with an anecdote. Student sample
You can’t give up, Jack. I remember one time when I played on the high school baseball team. We were losing, and it was the 8th inning. Everyone was getting discouraged, and then the coach said, “BOYS! You’ve got to RALLY here! Turn your ball caps around and GET OUT THERE!” So, Jack, turn your ball cap – I mean ATTITUDE -- around and get out there!

5. ANECDOTES - your turn
Do you know anyone who lives with a strict routine? Do you ever feel like you’re being controlled by a routine?
This is an effective way to make or develop a point. Share some with your classmates.
“When I was ________, I remember hating my routine.
Opportunity for practice
Ask your students if they remember any teacher who told lots of stories as they were teaching. Most teachers do this. Also, ask if their parents tell stories about “when they were young.”
Listen while students share.

6. What does elaboration look like?
EXAMPLES -- provide more specific information about an idea. This sounds like. . .
We had a barrage of different weather last week: hail, rain, snow, and sunshine.
My brothers always seem to pick on me. For instance, they may hide my soccer shoes before a game.
The cats were all acting like they were crazy. For example, one jumped at me with all …

7. Develop your point with an example. Student Sample
The game of golf can be played for an entire lifetime and also by yourself. People of any age can go out and play a round of golf whenever they want as opposed to team sports. For example, football, soccer, and volleyball take an entire team of people to play. How many times are you going to call up ten or more of your friends and go play sports?

8. EXAMPLES - your turn
Examples are an effective way to help the reader understand your ideas.
Tell a classmate about the repetition in the short film, “Destiny”. Make sure to provide him/her with an example.
“The animated short, “Destiny” contains repetition. For example…”
Opportunity for practice

9. What does elaboration look like?
DEFINITIONS -- are restatements of an unfamiliar word or phrase to tell what it means. This sounds like…
The best part of our hot lunch program is the A La Carte. What I mean by A La Carte is the little deli line past the lunch line where you can buy cookies, slushies, and candy bars.

10. Develop your point with a definition. Student sample
One of the best programs at our school is something called Brainworks. Brainworks is an after-school program where kids go and do their homework. They even let you work on the computers there. I like it a lot because the lady who runs the program keeps everyone pretty quiet. At my house, I have 6 little brothers and sisters, and there is never a quiet place to work.

11. DEFINITION – your turn
Defining specific words shows an awareness of the audience. It shows you are thinking of what the audience knows and what they don’t know.
Talk to your classmate about some of the words that were important from the animated short, “Destiny”. What is one word you have to define for your audience?
Opportunity for practice

12. What does elaboration look like?
STATISTICS and FACTS -- are the numbers (data) and information that help support your idea or argument.
Well, Son, did you know that 3 out of 4 parents would have grounded you for staying out so late?
Mom, did you know that 98% of all my friends get to stay up until 1:00 AM on weekends?
Kids who smoke at an early age are prone to heart attacks later in life.

13. Develop your point with facts and statistics. Student Sample
Another craze to sweep America was the low-carb diet. It was reported in the newspaper after the last holiday season that 67% of all Americans were low-carb dieting. Let me tell you the personal impact that has had on my family’s wheat farm here in Washington.

14. STATISTICS and FACTS – your turn
Talk to a partner and come up with a statistic about school, e.g., number of football games won, number of friendly teachers, amount of time wasted in class.
Think of what statistics would convince the audience about the idea of destiny
Share an idea with the whole group.
Opportunity for practice.
Remind students that for on-demand writing on the WASL, the writers may use fictitious statistics and information since the writers do not have an opportunity to conduct research (such as surveys or polls) to support their arguments.
* It is important to note that the use of fictitious facts, quotations, and/or statistics in research papers, etc. is NEVER acceptable. Information should be well researched and documented.

15. What does elaboration look like?
QUOTATIONS -- are words someone says that can help support your idea or argument.
Dr. Stein, the veterinarian from the animal shelter, agreed when she said,
Definition of quotation with example
You can elaborate your ideas by quoting someone. The person could be an authority you know or have invented whose words support your idea or argument.
“Spaying or neutering dogs and cats is the single best gift a pet owner can give.”

16. Develop your point with quotations. Student Sample
Another reason to graduate from high school is that even technical jobs require a diploma. Jared Turner from Best Performance Welding magazine states, “We won’t even consider hiring a person without a high school diploma. Our workers need to read the job specs, monitor equipment performance, and write orders and reports.” Turner went on to describe the many qualified applicants who compete for positions in his busy firm. This seems to be different from the good old days and makes a pretty decent point about staying in school.
Like statistics, students can be creative with their quotations.

17. QUOTATION – your turn
Quotations or simple dialogue can add information and credibility to your idea or argument.
Search on google, as a class, a quote about destiny. Read a few together.
Opportunity for practice
Remind your students they can quote a family member or a friend.
For example, my mother always said, “If you want something done right, you need to do it yourself.”
Remind students that for on-demand writing on the WASL, the writers may use fictitious quotations since the writers do not have an opportunity to research documented quotations to support their arguments.
* It is important to note that the use of fictitious facts, quotations, and/or statistics in research papers, etc. is NEVER acceptable. Information should be well researched and documented.

18. What does elaboration look like?
DESCRIPTIONS --are ways to create vivid images for the reader.
The sound of my phone cut through the silent class, and
I anxiously dug into my backpack to grab it before Mrs.
Schuman, the writing teacher, noticed. Pawing through
Chapstick, lipstick, gum wrappers, and rubber hair wraps,
my hand darted around the deep pockets of my backpack.
“Must shut off ringer,” I thought.
Explain how you can use description to elaborate.
One way is to use sensory images to create vivid pictures for your reader by appealing to the senses of sight, touch, hearing, taste, and smell.

19. Develop your point with description. Student Sample
Jackie walked slowly to the Vietnam Veterans’ Memorial exhibit. In her hands were two yellow daffodils that she had brought with her on the hour-long bus ride. Their green stems, snapped from the patch in the backyard, were slowly drying out.
Talk about the sensory appeal in this paragraph. “The reader can see the yellow daffodils and green stems, feel the brittleness, and hear the snap of the dry stems.”

20. DESCRIPTION – your turn
Description can take many forms and still be effective. Show, don’t just tell, your reader. Be specific with your word choice. Try to create an image that appeals to your reader’s senses.
Work with your partner and write a paragraph that describes the physical look of the main character in “Destiny”. Elaborate using sensory details.
Example describing my son’s car -
When I opened the door of my son’s car, I was first assaulted by the overwhelming odor of mildew. This was combined with the lingering aroma of greasy cheeseburger wrappers and sweaty gym socks. My eyes wandered to the passenger’s seat littered with empty water bottles, gum wrappers, and foamy, scummy latte cups. The worst, however, was sitting down on the driver’s seat, hearing the crackle of potato chips, and feeling the stickiness of cotton candy on the steering wheel.

21. Your Turn
Think about a reading response. What do you think the most effective type of elaboration would be. Why?
(anecdotes, examples, statistics and facts, quotations/expert opinion, description)
The student samples, Grade 10 Aerobics pre-instruction paragraph and the Elaboration Scoring Guide can be found in the Document Folder. After students have received the elaboration instruction in Lesson One, these pre- and post- samples may be helpful if used in the following ways:
1)Distribute Grade 10 Aerobics. Read orally and discuss with the following questions:
Did the writer stay on the topic?
Was the writer persuasive?
Did the writer use any elaboration techniques?
If you were a principal, would you be convinced? Why or why not?
2) Distribute the Elaboration Scoring Guide. Share the annotations given on this paper and help students see that the language of the scoring guide frames the reasons why this paper is so ineffective.
3) Distribute the Grade 10 Aerobics post-instruction paragraph. Read it orally and have students discuss the same questions. They should notice that this is a much stronger paper. Share the information in the annotations, having students follow along on their copy of the Elaboration Scoring Guide.
Students should see how using elaboration techniques support the topic (a new aerobics class) and develop the writer’s ideas/arguments for it.
After this discussion, have your students do the writing activity on this slide. Students should choose an activity, sport, or class and write a letter persuading the principal to offer it.

22. Now
On your “Destiny” sheet that has been returned to you. Answer the questions from Ms. Beaudin. All theses answers allow you to elaborate on your ideas. Try to add one of the types of elaboration in your answers.