1. Collaborative Skills Development Session 3
How to Listen

2. “Principles” of Skillful Discussion
I am mindful of my own intentions.
What are my goals?
Am I willing to be influenced?
I balance advocacy with inquiry.
What led you to that view?
What implications do you see?
I strive to build shared meaning.
When we use the term _____, what do we really mean?
Do we define _____ the same way?
I use self-awareness as a resource.
What am I thinking? Feeling?
What do I want right now?
I strive to explore impasses.
What do we agree on?
Do we disagree on facts, methods, goals or values?

3. You’re Not Listening to Me!
Think back to the last time you felt that someone wasn’t listening to you. It could have been
A family member
A romantic partner
A teammate or co-worker
What made you believe the person wasn’t listening?
Jot down all the verbal and nonverbal cues that made you feel you weren’t being heard.

4. New Research Confirms:
Listening involves more than waiting for the other person to stop talking!

5. How to Listen
Stop talking: To others and to yourself. Learn to still the voice within. You can’t listen if you are talking.
Imagine the other person's viewpoint. Picture yourself in his/her position, doing his/her work, facing his/her problems, using his/her language, and having his/her values.
Look, act, and be interested. Don't read your mail, doodle, shuffle, or tap papers while others are talking.
Observe nonverbal behaviors to glean meanings beyond what is being said to you.
Don't interrupt. Sit still past your tolerance level.
Listen between the lines, for implicit meanings as well as explicit ones… Note figures of speech… look for omissions-things left unsaid or unexplained that should be present.
Speak only affirmatively while listening. Resist the temptation to jump in with an evaluative, critical, or disparaging comment at the moment the remark is uttered…
To ensure understanding, rephrase what the other person has just told you at key points in the conversation. (We all know this, but how often do we do it?)
Stop talking. This is the first and the last because all other techniques of listening depend on it. Take a vow of silence once in a while.

6. Reflection/Commitment
My strengths as a listener:
Things I do that get in the way of listening:
Things I will do more of:
Things I will do less of: