1. Healthy Relationships

2. Types of Relationships
Family (siblings/parents/aunts/uncles/cousins…)
Marriage (spouse)
Romantic (boyfriend/girlfriend)
Friendships
Casual
Professional (coworkers, teachers, clergy, doctors)
Acquantainces (people you know/recognize in passing)

3. A Balancing Act
Healthy relationships maintain a balance between the individuals involved in the relationship.

4. “ME” focused relationship
If the relationship is all about ME, then I am focusing on getting my needs met and expect you to make my needs your priority as well… and your needs suffer. ME
YOU

5. “YOU” focused relationship
If the relationship is all about “YOU”, then I am focusing on getting your needs met at the expense of my own.
YOU ME

6. “US” focused relationship
If the relationship is about US, then we are so focused on the relationship that we lose our individuality. US

7. Healthy Relationship Focus
In a healthy relationship, YOU, ME, and US are in balance most of the time.
Sometimes, YOU or ME may need more attention… and that is okay.
YOU ME US

8. Stool Philosophy Your relationship is a three-legged stool. Leg 1=You
Leg 2=Me
Leg 3=Us
If anyone of these is out of balance, the stool is unstable.
What about children?
They sit on top of the well-balanced stool!

9. Healthy Relationships
Healthy relationships are based on the belief that both partners are EQUAL and the power and control in the relationship are equally shared.
There are several characteristics of healthy relationships that meet BOTH parties’ needs.

10. RESPECT Valuing the opinion of the other
Honoring the right of your partner to control their own body and belongings.
Disagreeing without put-downs or threats
Name calling/ teasing are avoided
Treating the person well in public settings
Respects the partner’s family, friends, and belongings.

11. HONESTY Communicating concerns Admitting mistakes/ being wrong
Giving REAL compliments
Being truthful.

12. TRUST Knowledge the other person will be honest with you.
Supporting your partner’s goals in life/ having your goals supported.
Knowledge your partner will treat you well
Your partner is a clear priority.
Both partners demonstrate reliability and responsibility.

13. Shared Decision Making
Deciding things together, not ordering
Negotiating differences

14. Shared Responsibility/ “Fairness”
Costs are split in an equitable manner.
Both partners benefit from financial arrangements.
Household work is distributed fairly
Parenting responsibilities are shared.

15. Good Communication Speaking in a non-demeaning manner
Use of appropriate body language
Awareness of gender differences
Appropriate tone of voice
Elimination of hurtful sarcasm
Listening to the opinions, feelings, and concerns of both partners.

16. Autonomy/Individuality
Each partner can have their own interests
Each partner is encouraged to have their own interests.

17. Mutual Affection/Kindness
Partners can name specific qualities they appreciate in their partner.
Personal boundaries are respected.
Helping each other
Giving gifts sincerely, not to get something back

18. Other Suggestions from the Experts
Make a list of things you must have and don’t want in a relationship. STICK TO IT!
Make sure you both have the same goal for the relationship
Casual Dating
Exclusivity
Long Term Relationship
Engagement/ Marriage
Cohabitation

19. Your relationship isn’t “real” if you haven’t met in real life!
Avoid long distance relationships
Most don’t survive
Three strikes and you’re out!
Some behaviors are so serious you should leave on the first strike
For most other behavior three times is enough to prove that the person will not change the behavior no matter what they tell you.

20. Make sure you can support yourself and your partner can support him or herself.
The hero complex will get old
Resentment will set in
No matter how much you like someone, don’t move in together for at least one year.
Did you know cohabitating at any time in a relationship increases the likelihood of divorce?

21. Move on if someone doesn’t meet your needs. People rarely change.
Avoid rebound relationships.
Wait 6 months to one year before beginning another serious relationship after the end of an important relationship.
Good partners are not addicted, irresponsible, jobless, controlling, unfaithful or abusive.
There is NEVER any reason to tolerate abusive!!