1. Judo Listening
And Other Ministry
Defense Skills 1

2. A little bit of pressure

3. THANK YOU!

4. Your expectations?

5. PROFESSIONAL 6 yrs teacher, administrator, campus minister, coach
13 years, CYO/Youth Ministry Office,
Archdiocese of New Orleans
2 years, Loyola University, Assistant Coach
11 years, “independent” speaker/trainer/consultant
Means I’ve made a lot of mistakes

6. PERSONAL Native of Lafayette LA Married since 1986 to Marlene Monte
Dad of Megan since 1992

7. Not an expert I am not a teacher---only a fellow traveler of
whom you asked the way. I pointed ahead-- ahead of myself as well as of you.
--George Bernard Shaw

8. Outline of workshop What is conflict? Jackie Chan: Judo Listening
Hawkeye Pierce: Diagnostic Skills
Comments
Questions & Answers

9. First word you think of? Conflict?

10. Conflict (Dictionary.com)
1. to come into collision or disagreement; be contradictory, at variance, or in opposition; clash
2. to fight or contend; do battle.
3. a fight, battle, or struggle,
esp. a prolonged struggle; strife.
controversy; quarrel.

11. “Where two or three are gathered, there will be conflict in their midst.”

12. Luke 12: 51-53
Do you think that I have come to establish peace on the earth? No, I tell you, but rather division. From now on a household of five will be divided, three against two and two against three; a father will be divided against his son and a son against his father, a mother against her daughter and a daughter against her mother, a mother-in-law against her daughter-in-law and a daughter- in-law against her mother-in-law."

13. POLL: In which area do you experience the highest conflict?
Money? (budget, pay, resources)
Vision or direction?
(no vision, narrow vision)
Theology or Church teaching?
Expectations? (staff, others)
Other? (personal)

14. Two skills:
Judo listening
&
Diagnostic skills 14

15. From Harvard to Cajun

16. Judo quotes
Thus the principle of Judo, from the very beginning, is not one of aggression, but of flowing with things. Carl B. Becker
Greatness lies not in being strong, but in the right use of strength. Henry Ward Beecher

17. In order to achieve victory you must place yourself in your opponent's skin. If you don't understand yourself, you will lose one hundred percent of the time. If you understand yourself, you will win fifty percent of the time. If you understand yourself and your opponent, you will win one hundred percent of the time. Tsutomu Oshima

18. From complaint to commitment

19. FOCUS ON VALUES

20. Another lesson

21. Diagnosing to “vent”? to share (or receive) information?
to look for affirmation or encouragement?
for advice to solve the issue?
for action/decision on your part to solve the problem?

22. Then 2 sets of 2
Emotion/Content
Structure/Behavior

23. General comments on conflict

24. Clarify your motives …for wanting to discuss the situation
+ to deal with your own feelings
+ to deal with the issues at hand
+ the current and future state of the
relationship

25. Time and place matter
No distractions or
interruptions

26. Focus
Process is important. Begin by agreeing on format of discussing situation rather than “jumping in” right away.

27. See anew (re-spect)
Try to see the other in a “whole” way— in a positive light, beyond the situation at hand

28. Remember
…most situations are comprised of emotions and content (issues). Don’t neglect or underestimate feelings—yours or the other person’s.

29. Simplify
Deal with one issue at a time..refrain from bringing in “past garbage.”
When possible, break down issues into smaller parts.
Start with issues you feel can be most easily resolved.

30. Charitable
Assume the best motives.
Give the benefit of a doubt.

31. Before I criticize someone, I walk a mile in their moccasins
Before I criticize someone, I walk a mile in their moccasins. That way, if they get mad, they're a mile away and barefoot.