1. Managing Conflict

2. Preview Why is understanding conflict important?
What is interpersonal conflict?
What are conflict management styles?
How should I manage interpersonal conflict effectively?

3. Why Is Understanding Conflict Important?
It’s impossible to avoid. It’s what ALL relationships have in common.
As relationships become more intimate, the probability of interpersonal conflict increases?

4. Some Alarming Statistics
AGE
Women
Men
Under 20 years old
27.6%
11.7%
20 to 24 years old
36.6%
38.8%
25 to 29 years old
16.4%
22.3%
30 to 34 years old
8.5%
11.6%
35 to 39 years old
5.1%
6.5%
Divorce Rate for First Marriages – 50%
Divorce Rate for Second Marriages – 67%
Divorce Rate for Third Marriages – 73%
- Forest Institute of Professional Psychology

5. What is Interpersonal Conflict?
“Conflict is an ___________ struggle
between at least two _____________
parties who perceive incompatible ______, scarce _____________, and
interference from the other parties in
achieving their _________.”

6. Conflict Management Styles
What do they look and sound like?
Non-Confrontational Style
Confrontational Style
Cooperative Style

7. How Should you Manage Conflict?
PUGSS

8. NOT PUGS!!

9. P.U.G.S.S. Guide your conversation with P.U.G.S.S. Describe PROBLEM
Achieve UNDERSTANDING
Identify GOALS
Brainstorm SOLUTIONS
Select Best SOLUTION

10. Describe the PROBLEM
Describe the other person’s behavior rather than evaluate the person.
Use “I” statements rather than “You” statements.
Seen this before??
Self-disclose your emotions/feelings.

11. Quick Practice! Instead of this statement:
“You’re always late. Why are you so selfish?”
What could you say?
“When you [fill in the blank]”
“I feel [fill in the blank].”
“Would you please [fill in the blank]?”

12. Achieve UNDERSTANDING
Attempt to achieve mutual understanding by responding to the following questions:
“Do you understand why I believe there is a problem?”
“Do you understand why I feel this way?”

13. Important! If there’s mutual understanding, then move to
Step 3: Identify GOALS.
If no mutual understanding, then return to Step 2 and adapt (Principle 5) until mutual understanding is achieved.
Often, you might hear: “I don’t know what the big deal is, or “Don’t get so bent out of shape.”
Adapt and describe the problem from a different perspective.

14. Identify GOALS
Both of you should be able to address the following questions:
“What is it you need and want and why is it important to you?”
“Here’s what I need and want and why it is important to me....”
“What common goals do we have?”

15. Brainstorm SOLUTIONS Generate numerous solutions.
Withhold all evaluations until a list of possible solutions is generated.
Piggyback off others’ ideas.
The more solutions generated, the more likely a feasible solution will surface that meets goals.

16. Select Best SOLUTION
Evaluate each solution without evaluating the person who generated the solution.
How well does each solution meet the identified goals?
Agree to best solution.

17. P.U.G.S.S. Review What is PUGSS in your Conversation? Describe PROBLEM
Achieve UNDERSTANDING
Identify GOALS
Brainstorm SOLUTIONS
Select Best SOLUTION

18. Assessing Your Learning
Matt spends little time with his girlfriend Katie because of his demanding job. Katie’s career is equally demanding, but she finds time for Matt. After discussing the issue with Matt, she asks him to paraphrase to see if he can see her perspective. What stage in the PUGSS model is Katie and Matt working through?
A.) Describing the Problem
B.) Achieving Understanding
C.) Identifying Goals
D.) Brainstorming Solutions

19. Listen and respond thoughtfully to others
Be aware of your
communication
Appropriately
adapt your
message to others
Effectively use and
interpret verbal
messages
Listen and respond thoughtfully to others
interpret nonverbal

20. Can you Apply the 5 Principles to P.U.G.S.S.?
Be Aware of Your Communication
Effectively Use & Interpret Verbals
Effectively Use & Interpret Nonverbals
Listen and Respond Thoughtfully
Appropriately Adapt Messages

21. Principle 1: Be Aware of Your Own Communication
Have an awareness of your emotions.
Have an awareness of your conflict style.
Have an awareness of your partner’s conflict style?
Have an awareness of your message.

22. Principle 2: Effectively Use and Interpret Verbal Messages
Avoid POLARIZING
Don’t use TRIGGER WORDS
Think BEFORE you speak!
Remember: Communication
is IRREVERSIBLE!

23. Principle 3: Effectively Use and Interpret Nonverbal Messages
Remain Nonverbally
Responsive and Immediate
Direct eye contact
Open arms and legs
Forward body leans
Reinforcing head nods
Supportive facial expressions
Calm voice and encouraging vocalizations

24. Principle 4: Listen and Respond Thoughtfully to Others
Turn Off Competing Messages
Observe Nonverbal Cues
Ask Appropriate Questions
Paraphrase the Content and Emotions
Remain Nonverbally Responsive

25. Principle 5: Appropriately Adapt to Others
Look for MS≠MR and adapt verbal and nonverbal messages accordingly to achieve MS=MR.
Perception check to insure appropriate interpretations.

26. Review of Guidebook Extras
Why is understanding conflict important?
What is interpersonal conflict?
What are conflict management styles?
How should I manage interpersonal conflict effectively?

27. Enjoy the rest of your day!