Parenting With Love & Logic

Parenting With Love & Logic

“LOVE & LOGIC” ISN’T…

“LOVE & LOGIC” ISN’T… Helicopter Parenting

“LOVE & LOGIC” ISN’T… Helicopter Parenting revolve lives around the children

“LOVE & LOGIC” ISN’T… Helicopter Parenting revolve lives around the children hover & rescue when in trouble

“LOVE & LOGIC” ISN’T… Helicopter Parenting revolve lives around the children hover & rescue when in trouble always pulling kids out of jams

“LOVE & LOGIC” ISN’T… Helicopter Parenting revolve lives around the children hover & rescue when in trouble always pulling kids out of jams protect/shield them from pain/hurt

“LOVE & LOGIC” ISN’T… Helicopter Parenting revolve lives around the children hover & rescue when in trouble always pulling kids out of jams protect/shield them from pain/hurt fight their battles for them

“LOVE & LOGIC” ISN’T… Helicopter Parenting

“LOVE & LOGIC” ISN’T… Helicopter Parenting Drill Sergeant Parenting

“LOVE & LOGIC” ISN’T… Helicopter Parenting Drill Sergeant Parenting control children

“LOVE & LOGIC” ISN’T… Helicopter Parenting Drill Sergeant Parenting control children bark out orders

“LOVE & LOGIC” ISN’T… Helicopter Parenting Drill Sergeant Parenting control children bark out orders constantly telling them what to do

“LOVE & LOGIC” ISN’T… Helicopter Parenting Drill Sergeant Parenting control children bark out orders constantly telling them what to do constant discipline when they don’t respond

“LOVE & LOGIC” ISN’T… Helicopter Parenting Drill Sergeant Parenting control children bark out orders constantly telling them what to do constant discipline when they don’t respond use of “put-downs” and “I told you so”

“LOVE & LOGIC” ISN’T… Helicopter Parenting Drill Sergeant Parenting control children bark out orders constantly telling them what to do constant discipline when they don’t respond use of “put-downs” and “I told you so” makes it about the “power”

“LOVE & LOGIC” ISN’T… “LOVE & LOGIC” IS…

“LOVE & LOGIC” ISN’T… Helicopter Parenting Drill Sergeant Parenting Through the miracle of birth, we are given a tiny, defenseless babe totally dependent on us for every physical need. We have a mere eighteen years at most to ready that suckling for a world that can be cruel and heartless. That child’s success in the real world hinges in large part on the job we do as parents. Just thinking about raising responsible, well rounded kids sends a sobering shiver of responsibility right up the old parental spine. Many of us have felt queasy after a thought such as this: If I can’t handle a five-year-old in a grocery store, what am I going to do with a fifteen-year-old who seems to have an enormous understanding of sex and is counting the days until he gets his driver’s license?

“LOVE & LOGIC” ISN’T… Helicopter Parenting Drill Sergeant Parenting All is not so bleak. Trust us! There’s hope, shining beacon bright, at the end of the tunnel of parental frustration. Parenting doesn’t have to be drudgery. Children can grow to be thinking, responsible adults. We can help them do it without living through an eighteen-year horror movie. Parenting with Love and Logic is all about raising responsible kids. It’s a win-win philosophy. Parents win because they love in a healthy way and establish control over their kids without resorting to the anger and threats that encourage rebellious teenage behavior. Kids win because they learn responsibility and the logic of life by solving their own problems. Thus, they acquire the tools for coping with the real world Parenting With Love & Logic, pp 19,20

“LOVE & LOGIC” ISN’T… “LOVE & LOGIC” IS… -in control w/o being “controlling”

“LOVE & LOGIC” ISN’T… “LOVE & LOGIC” IS… -in control w/o being “controlling” -helping kids think for themselves

“LOVE & LOGIC” ISN’T… “LOVE & LOGIC” IS… -in control w/o being “controlling” -helping kids think for themselves -raising their responsibility

“LOVE & LOGIC” ISN’T… “LOVE & LOGIC” IS… -in control w/o being “controlling” -helping kids think for themselves -raising their responsibility -preparing them to navigate a “scary” world

“LOVE & LOGIC” ISN’T… “LOVE & LOGIC” IS… -in control w/o being “controlling” -helping kids think for themselves -raising their responsibility -preparing them to navigate a “scary” world HOW ?

“LOVE & LOGIC” ISN’T… “LOVE & LOGIC” IS… Consulting Style of Parenting

“LOVE & LOGIC” ISN’T… “LOVE & LOGIC” IS… Consulting Style of Parenting Choices

“LOVE & LOGIC” ISN’T… “LOVE & LOGIC” IS… Consulting Style of Parenting Choices Give 2 options – both “livable”

“LOVE & LOGIC” ISN’T… “LOVE & LOGIC” IS… Consulting Style of Parenting Choices Give 2 options – both “livable” If no decision in 10 seconds, you decide

“LOVE & LOGIC” ISN’T… “LOVE & LOGIC” IS… Consulting Style of Parenting Choices Give 2 options – both “livable” If no decision in 10 seconds, you decide Give many opportunities to make “simple” choices

“LOVE & LOGIC” ISN’T… “LOVE & LOGIC” IS… Consulting Style of Parenting Choices Give 2 options – both “livable” If no decision in 10 seconds, you decide Give many opportunities to make “simple” choices Simple Choices Wear your jacket or carry it? Brush your teeth or put pajamas on first? Wear your red or your blue shirt? Hair in a ponytail or braid? Would you like peas or carrots tonight for dinner? Watch Dora or Sponge Bob? Are you going to bed now or would you like to wait 15 minutes? Would you like to walk up to bed tonight or have a piggy back? Will you be getting your chores done tomorrow or need an extra day? Are you going to clean the garage or mow the lawn this week? Will you be home by 10:00 or do you need an extra 15 minutes?

“LOVE & LOGIC” ISN’T… “LOVE & LOGIC” IS… Consulting Style of Parenting Choices Consequences

“LOVE & LOGIC” ISN’T… “LOVE & LOGIC” IS… Consulting Style of Parenting Choices Consequences Sometimes you will choose

“LOVE & LOGIC” ISN’T… “LOVE & LOGIC” IS… Consulting Style of Parenting Choices Consequences Sometimes you will choose Often you can let them choose

“LOVE & LOGIC” ISN’T… “LOVE & LOGIC” IS… Consulting Style of Parenting Choices Consequences Sometimes you will choose Often you can let them choose Doesn’t have to be “in the moment”

“LOVE & LOGIC” ISN’T… “LOVE & LOGIC” IS… Consulting Style of Parenting Choices Consequences Sometimes you will choose Often you can let them choose Doesn’t have to be “in the moment” Always use empathy

“LOVE & LOGIC” ISN’T… “LOVE & LOGIC” IS… Consulting Style of Parenting Choices Consequences Sometimes you will choose Often you can let them choose Doesn’t have to be “in the moment” Always use empathy Benefits of Empathy Child not distracted by your anger.

“LOVE & LOGIC” ISN’T… “LOVE & LOGIC” IS… Consulting Style of Parenting Choices Consequences Sometimes you will choose Often you can let them choose Doesn’t have to be “in the moment” Always use empathy Benefits of Empathy Child not distracted by your anger. Helps your child “own” their own pain & not blame.

“LOVE & LOGIC” ISN’T… “LOVE & LOGIC” IS… Consulting Style of Parenting Choices Consequences Sometimes you will choose Often you can let them choose Doesn’t have to be “in the moment” Always use empathy Benefits of Empathy Child not distracted by your anger. Helps your child “own” their own pain & not blame. Your relationship with child is maintained.

“LOVE & LOGIC” ISN’T… “LOVE & LOGIC” IS… Consulting Style of Parenting Choices Consequences Sometimes you will choose Often you can let them choose Doesn’t have to be “in the moment” Always use empathy Benefits of Empathy Child not distracted by your anger. Helps your child “own” their own pain & not blame. Your relationship with child is maintained. Child sees you handling a problem with more ease.

“LOVE & LOGIC” ISN’T… “LOVE & LOGIC” IS… Consulting Style of Parenting Choices Consequences Sometimes you will choose Often you can let them choose Doesn’t have to be “in the moment” Always use empathy Benefits of Empathy Child not distracted by your anger. Helps your child “own” their own pain & not blame. Your relationship with child is maintained. Child sees you handling a problem with more ease. Through your example, child learns to use empathy.

“LOVE & LOGIC” ISN’T… “LOVE & LOGIC” IS… Consulting Style of Parenting Choices Consequences Enforceable Statements

“LOVE & LOGIC” ISN’T… “LOVE & LOGIC” IS… Consulting Style of Parenting Choices Consequences “I Statements” Common Statements (reasonable?) “Love & Logic” (enforceable) Please sit down. We’re going to eat now. Please be quiet. I can’t listen to your brother when you are both talking at the same time. Clean your room so we can go shopping. Don’t talk while I’m reading to you. You can’t go play until you have finished your homework.

“LOVE & LOGIC” ISN’T… “LOVE & LOGIC” IS… Consulting Style of Parenting Choices Consequences “I Statements” Common Statements (reasonable?) “Love & Logic” (enforceable) Please sit down. We’re going to eat now. We will eat as soon as you are seated. Please be quiet. I can’t listen to your brother when you are both talking at the same time. I’ll be glad to listen to you as soon as your brother has finished talking to me. Clean your room so we can go shopping. I’ll be happy to take you shopping as soon as your room is clean. Don’t talk while I’m reading to you. I will start reading to you again as soon as you have finished talking. You can’t go play until you have finished your homework. Feel free to go play as soon as you have finished your homework.

“LOVE & LOGIC” ISN’T… “LOVE & LOGIC” IS… Consulting Style of Parenting Choices Consequences “I Statements” Common Statements (reasonable?) “Love & Logic” (enforceable) Don’t shout at me. Pay attention Don’t be bothering your sister. Do your chores on time or you’ll be grounded. Don’t talk to me in that tone of voice!

“LOVE & LOGIC” ISN’T… “LOVE & LOGIC” IS… Consulting Style of Parenting Choices Consequences “I Statements” Common Statements (reasonable?) “Love & Logic” (enforceable) Don’t shout at me. I listen to people who do not yell at me Pay attention I’ll start again as soon as I know you are with me. Don’t be bothering your sister. You are welcome to stay with us as long as you are not bothering your sister. Do your chores on time or you’ll be grounded. I’ll be happy to let you go with your friends as soon as your chores are finished. Don’t talk to me in that tone of voice! I’ll listen as soon as your voice is as calm as mine.

“LOVE & LOGIC” ISN’T… “LOVE & LOGIC” IS… Consulting Style of Parenting Choices Consequences “I Statements” Common Statements (reasonable?) “Love & Logic” (enforceable) You show some respect. Don’t be late coming home from school. I’m not picking up your dirty clothes. Keep your room clean.

“LOVE & LOGIC” ISN’T… “LOVE & LOGIC” IS… Consulting Style of Parenting Choices Consequences “I Statements” Common Statements (reasonable?) “Love & Logic” (enforceable) You show some respect. I’ll be glad to discuss this when respect is shown. Don’t be late coming home from school. I drive those to practice who arrive home on time. I’m not picking up your dirty clothes. I’ll be glad to wash the clothes that are put in the laundry room. Keep your room clean. All owners of clean rooms are welcome to join us for ice cream.

“LOVE & LOGIC” ISN’T… “LOVE & LOGIC” IS… Consulting Style of Parenting Choices Consequences “I Statements” Common Statements (reasonable?) “Love & Logic” (enforceable) You show some respect. I’ll be glad to discuss this when respect is shown. Don’t be late coming home from school. I drive those to practice who arrive home on time. I’m not picking up your dirty clothes. I’ll be glad to wash the clothes that are put in the laundry room. Keep your room clean. All owners of clean rooms are welcome to join us for ice cream. Results of Enforceable Statements:

“LOVE & LOGIC” ISN’T… “LOVE & LOGIC” IS… Consulting Style of Parenting Choices Consequences “I Statements” Common Statements (reasonable?) “Love & Logic” (enforceable) You show some respect. I’ll be glad to discuss this when respect is shown. Don’t be late coming home from school. I drive those to practice who arrive home on time. I’m not picking up your dirty clothes. I’ll be glad to wash the clothes that are put in the laundry room. Keep your room clean. All owners of clean rooms are welcome to join us for ice cream. Results of Enforceable Statements: we avoid the tensions, battles & entangled messes when we can’t get our kids to do what we say.

“LOVE & LOGIC” ISN’T… “LOVE & LOGIC” IS… Consulting Style of Parenting Choices Consequences “I Statements” Common Statements (reasonable?) “Love & Logic” (enforceable) You show some respect. I’ll be glad to discuss this when respect is shown. Don’t be late coming home from school. I drive those to practice who arrive home on time. I’m not picking up your dirty clothes. I’ll be glad to wash the clothes that are put in the laundry room. Keep your room clean. All owners of clean rooms are welcome to join us for ice cream. Results of Enforceable Statements: we avoid the tensions, battles & entangled messes when we can’t get our kids to do what we say. we share some control with our children…less likely to resist

“LOVE & LOGIC” ISN’T… “LOVE & LOGIC” IS… Consulting Style of Parenting Choices Consequences “I Statements” Common Statements (reasonable?) “Love & Logic” (enforceable) You show some respect. I’ll be glad to discuss this when respect is shown. Don’t be late coming home from school. I drive those to practice who arrive home on time. I’m not picking up your dirty clothes. I’ll be glad to wash the clothes that are put in the laundry room. Keep your room clean. All owners of clean rooms are welcome to join us for ice cream. Results of Enforceable Statements: we avoid the tensions, battles & entangled messes when we can’t get our kids to do what we say. we share some control with our children…less likely to resist avoid getting sucked into trying to control something we really can’t control

“LOVE & LOGIC” ISN’T… “LOVE & LOGIC” IS… CONCLUSION

“LOVE & LOGIC” ISN’T… “LOVE & LOGIC” IS… CONCLUSION Try to give simple choices

“LOVE & LOGIC” ISN’T… “LOVE & LOGIC” IS… CONCLUSION Try to give simple choices With consequences, come up with an empathetic line that is comfortable

“LOVE & LOGIC” ISN’T… “LOVE & LOGIC” IS… CONCLUSION Try to give simple choices With consequences, come up with an empathetic line that is comfortable Choose a few “I Statements” to begin using

Parenting With Love & Logic

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