1. Holiday Tips and Tricks
Do not just survive,
make it happy and memorable!
J Chiariello, MA, LMFT 2015

2. Questions: Why is it a difficult time of year?
How should I deal with what I am seeing?
What should I plan for?
J Chiariello, MA, LMFT 2015

3. Oh the Weather Outside is Frightful: Why is it a difficult time of year?
J Chiariello, MA, LMFT 2008

4. Lots of Emotions! For most of us the holiday’s bring up emotions.
Stress - Worry - Alone
Joy - Excitement
Anticipation - Pleasure
Eager - Love
Sadness - Warmth
Unsupported - Pleasure
What are some of the emotions you have around the holidays?
What are some of the feelings your children have?
J Chiariello, MA, LMFT 2008

5. Often Emotions turn into Behaviors
Reverting back to younger behaviors
Developmental slips
Recurrence of old behaviors like bedwetting
Withdrawn or isolated
Temper tantrums more or more often
Rebellious
Complaints and whining
J Chiariello, MA, LMFT 2008

6. Why would anyone act this way?
They feel guilty – If they find your ways of preparing and celebrating the holidays they feel they are looking down on or disrespecting their birth family
They feel afraid – Worried that your “true” feelings for them will come out
They feel uncomfortable
Coping Skills
J Chiariello, MA, LMFT 2008

7. They feel confused – This is a time when families focus on their beliefs, religion and culture. The kids don’t know what they feel or who they are. Core questions about identity come up
J Chiariello, MA, LMFT 2008

8. Good Grief!
Developmental Grief: Grief that returns through memories of that loss.
Disenfranchised Grief: Grief that is not publicly recognized and is at times considered unacceptable to others.
Anticipatory Grief: Grief which we learn to expect through cycles.
Status Grief: Change of position that requires a reorganization of self.
J Chiariello, MA, LMFT 2008

9. Cycle of Grief Denial Anger Bargaining Depression Acceptance
J Chiariello, MA, LMFT 2008

10. But In Here It’s So Delightful: How should I deal with this?
J Chiariello, MA, LMFT 2008

11. What should I do?
Do not use the holiday event to do first time introductions, if at all possible.
Pre-teach about the situation that a child may be going into.
Identify with them – empathy
Allow the child to talk about it. Do not avoid it or force the conversation.
Stick to the routines!
J Chiariello, MA, LMFT 2008

12. Talk about what to expect Talk about your family
Tell them what you expect of them
Have down time
Ask their opinion
Tell your friends and family what to expect
Let them celebrate to their comfort level
Be realistic about your expectations of the child
Remember it does not have to be perfect!
J Chiariello, MA, LMFT 2008

13. Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let it Snow? What should I plan for?
J Chiariello, MA, LMFT 2008

14. Things to think about when planning for the holiday
Birth Family Visits
Think about making the visit special
Send cards or letters if can not be together
Structuring School Break Time
Keep their time structured
Travel Dates
Remember to get any
approvals needed
Holiday parties
– What to expect
Gift giving
– budget and plan
J Chiariello, MA, LMFT 2008

15. Have a plan for getting extras Plan for the unexpected and be flexible
If you are open to immediate placements remember that total inclusion without feeling like a burden is the key.
Have extras on hand
Have a plan for getting extras
Plan for the unexpected and be flexible
J Chiariello, MA, LMFT 2008

16. Plan for your Future by Honoring the Past
Go around the room and share a memory
Work on a lifebook page
Do something that represents the child’s birth family or heritage
Let the child know it is ok to feel sad
J Chiariello, MA, LMFT 2008

17. Planning to Make it Fun! Tradition 1-2-3
1. Have an old family tradition you share with your child.
2. Have the child share one of their family traditions and build it into your holiday routine no matter how small.
3. Make a new family tradition that all of you participate in developing and participating in.
J Chiariello, MA, LMFT 2008

18. Ideas to Make your Holiday Bright
Arts and Crafts
Bake or Cook Together
Write out/ Make Cards
Lifebooks/scrapbook
Volunteer
Make gifts
Visit others who may be lonely
J Chiariello, MA, LMFT 2008