1. The importance of being asked and being heard
Conversations with Grieving Kids
The importance of
being asked and being heard
INTRO: Me
Good Grief
SFG – program info and example used for basis of workshop

2. Conversation … a movement towards the other (conversari)
… a movement towards oneself (conversatio)
The word ‘conversation’ derives from two Latin words:
conversari: ‘to dwell’ or ‘to keep company with’
conversatio: ‘to change’, ‘to convert’, ‘to alter’, ‘to refresh’ or ‘to turn’.
Conversation = movement towards the other (greater understanding of the other, appreciation of their uniqueness) and a movement towards oneself (deeper understanding of one’s own story and how one feels about the myriad elements of the story).
Conversation therefore requires an openness to questioning one’s existing assumptions, prejudices and understandings. Allow the other to teach you about them. They are the expert on their own experience.
Let the child teach you about their grief. They are the expert in their own grief and loss.
Conversations with children:
Challenging assumptions about power and authority:
‘Be attentive, be intelligent, be responsible, be loving, and, if necessary, change’ Lonergan (1972, p.231)

3. Deeper understanding of grief
Workshop Learnings
Deeper understanding of grief
Importance of acknowledging and attending to grief
Benefits of owning and sharing your story
Creating a space to attend to grief
To communicate the importance of acknowledging and attending to grief feelings that may be experienced in reaction to significant change or loss.
To emphasise the great benefit of owning and sharing your story, being heard

4. Understanding Grief What is grief? Do children grieve? What is grief?
Grief is the conflicting mass of emotions that we experience following any major change in a familiar pattern of behaviour” – James & Cherry, 1988
It is as unique as:
the person experiencing it (temperament, life experience, support, developmental stage)
the person or lifestyle they have lost
the relationship between the person and the person/lifestyle that was lost -> this explains why 3 children in the same family may have very different reactions to the same loss
What sorts of things can cause grief?
Group discussion ie: bereavement, parental separation, moving school or house, unemployment in the family, graduation, illness or injury, change in friendship group
positive as well as negative
Do children grieve?
if a child is capable of loving, they are capable of grieving

5. What is a grief reaction?
Understanding Grief
What is a grief reaction?
thoughts
physical reactions
feelings
behaviours
BODYMAP EXERCISE – use body map to illustrate range and breadth of grief reactions
ALSO: Mention ripples and mediators
What is a grief reaction?
Physical: nausea, butterflies, breathlessness/tight-chestedness, racing heart, headaches, sweaty palms
Thoughts:
it’s my fault
I’m all alone
the world is not safe
I am different from everyone
no-one wants me
if only I hadn’t…
something else bad will happen
Feelings:
Behaviours:
Changes in eating and sleeping (increases and decreases, interruptions)
Trouble concentrating
Externalising behaviours:
acting out, aggressive, attention seeking, being loud or hyperactive.
may be trying to drown out the other thoughts/images in their heads
may want to be recognised for something other than
Internalising Behaviours:
Becoming introverted, shy, quiet, clingy, not wanting to join in activities, becoming ‘extra good’/perfectionism
May indicate fear or anxiety or depressive feelings, magical thinking ie ‘If I behave maybe I will get my wish’ / ‘The bad thing happened because I was bad’, may be trying to distract self from unwelcome reality

6. Acknowledging Grief Naming the grief Emotional Literacy Safe Place
Open ears and minds
“Give people a subject they know well and a place they feel safe, and you won’t be able to shut them up” - Mal McKissock.
Add to this: the language they need to recognise and express their emotions and you have a winning combination.
Naming the Grief
Being able to name the grief can be a huge relief to child.
Having someone ask how they are feeling, hear what they say, and to help them realise that feeling this way is normal and OK can make a huge difference. It won’t take the grief away, but it can remove all the feelings that surround the grief so that just the grief remains to be dealt with. Makes it more manageable, more familiar.
Emotional Literacy
Recognising the feeling
Finding the words
Safe Place
With trusted people
Truth an Inclusion
Group guidelines – CREATE THESE FOR THIS GROUP
Open ears and minds
People who will let you teach them about your experience
Who will not interrupt or judge
The challenge is not just having the skills to listen to children, hear their voices or access their views. It is also about scaffolding them to discover and negotiate who they are and their place in the world within a dialogical space that allows adult and child the opportunity to reflect on, interpret and reinterpret their experience through their conversations and activities.

7. Timeline… Acknowledging Grief Demonstrate SFG Activity
Include happy changes as well as sad ones (pos as well as neg changes can lead to grief)
Write down whatever you like in your timeline, but share only something you feel safe sharing – maybe only a happy memory
Illustrate value in…
Acknowledging the loss
Sharing / being heard
How did it feel to share?

8. Creating a Safe Space Seasons for Growth … teaches the language
… creates the space
Teaches the language
emotional literacy – ability to recognise, name and communicate one’s feelings. Metaphor of the Seasons
Creates the space
Normalises the experience – don’t feel alone, crazy, odd one out
Creates a support network – other students and adults who know where they are at in their story
Honours the story – “holds” the student

9. A worrying grief reaction…
When to worry?
First, remember:
Grieving and adjusting to change takes time and work
Grief is a journey which can last a lifetime
No right or wrong way to grieve, so no way to fail
A worrying grief reaction…
Gets worse and doesn’t seem to lessen over time
Leads to depression (more than sad)
Makes the person feel ‘stuck’