1. For today: Course Evaluations Free Write Revising vs. Editing BA 9
Sentence level revision workshop
FOR NEXT WEEK: Bring in 1 copy of your completed draft 1.2 to for workshop.

2. Free Write Prompt:
Write your name, the date, and the title “Free Write #1” at the top of a sheet of paper.
You will have 15 minutes to respond to this prompt:
Explain the difference between specific rhetorical devices and general rhetorical appeals. How do they work together?
Then, discuss why audience matters. In other words, why would an author use a particular rhetorical device for a particular audience? Provide an example.
How will knowing about rhetoric be useful in your future?

3. Determine Your Purpose
Purpose guides revision.
What is the desired tone?
Who is your audience?
How familiar are they with your topic?

4. Determine Your Purpose
Are sentence level revisions really “revisions” in the larger sense?
BA 9 asks you to “edit for emphasis and conciseness”
Moving important words to the beginning or end of the sentence.
Arrange your sentences in climatic order.
Eliminate redundant words.
And so on.
Is this editing or revising?

5. Determine Your Purpose
Revising is:
Sharpening the Focus
Improving the Organization
Strengthening the Content
Clarifying the Point of View
Engaging the Audience (Editing for emphasis and conciseness falls under this)

6. Brief Assignment 9: Revisions at the sentence level
Description: First, review your Draft 1.1. Then, consider the following:
For this assignment, use the guidelines from sections 4, 5, 40, and 43 in the St. Martin’s Handbook to revise a substantial body paragraph (i.e. at least 4 sentences in length) from your Draft 1.1. Paste the original paragraph from your 1.1 draft into the assignment so that your instructor will be able to compare the original with your revision. Revise the body paragraph. Finally, write a short summary and evaluation of your revisions. Identify and explain which new strategy you used from the textbook and explain how changing the strategies used in this paragraph will influence your readers’ response to your analysis. Also let readers know here which paragraph, your original or the revision, is the strongest and why you believe that to be so.
The total length of the analysis should be words, NOT including the original and revised body paragraphs.
Include labels: Original Paragraph, Revised Paragraph, Summary/Analysis of Revised Paragraph, Final Analysis.

7. Sentence Level Revision
workshop

8. Topic Sentence
Does it transition smoothly from the preceding paragraph?
Does it name the rhetorical device the paragraph is about?
Does it reflect all that the paragraph discusses?
Does it connect to the thesis?

9. Sentence Length
Using the paragraph you brought with you, count the number of words in each sentence and write down the number (exclude quotations).
Do several of the sentences contain the same number of words?
Keep this in mind when you begin Brief Assignment 9: Revisions at the Sentence Level. Can some of these sentences be altered to provide variation to the sentence length/structure?

10. Sentence Openings
Using the paragraph you brought with you, write down the first four words of each sentence in the paragraph (excluding direct quotations).
Do the sentences begin with different word forms: article adjectives (a, an, the), nouns, prepositions (of, to, before, after, etc.), subordinating conjunctions (after, because, so that, etc.), or relative pronouns (which, who, that, etc.)?
Keep this in mind when you begin Brief Assignment 9: Revisions at the Sentence Level. If many of the openings are the same or very similar, consider how you might revise a few of these openings to provide variation. Consult section 42b—”Varying Sentence Openings” for options.

11. Sentence Types
Using the paragraph you brought with you, determine how many sentences your paragraph contains of each type: simple, compound, complex, and compound-complex.
Are several of the sentences of the same type?
Keep this in mind when you begin Brief Assignment 9: Revisions at the Sentence Level. Select sentences that you can easily alter. Consult section 42c for options.

12. Source Material
Using the paragraph you brought with you, determine how much of the source material is directly quoted, partially quoted (integrated into your original sentence), and paraphrased.
Is each piece of source material in the same form?
Keep this in mind when you begin Brief Assignment 9: Revisions at the Sentence Level. Select which piece(s) can be easily altered. Consult chapter 13 in the Handbook for options.

13. Quotation Integration
Is each quotation in the paragraph introduced? (signal verbs and phrases)
Is each quotation properly punctuated and cited? (we’ll look at MLA and other wonky quotations)
Does a clear explanation follow that tells the reader what s/he is supposed to get from the quotation?
Does the quotation clearly relate to the thesis?

14. MLA and Quotation Punctuation
For MLA citations, they come at the end of the sentence, or, if you’re using quotes from multiple different pages, include the citation right after the quote:
Ex#1: “What should I do? Madness is driving me / in all directions. How can I be avenged?” (Seneca ).
Ex#2: “Lolita, light of my life, fire of my loins” (Nabokov 1).
Ex#3: Some of the “precepts” (1.3.57) that he gives to his son are “Be thou familiar but by no means vulgar” (1.3.60), “Give every man thy ear but few thy voice” (1.3.67), and “Take each man’s censure but reserve thy judgement” (1.3.68).

15. Revising for Emphasis
Use the closing and opening positions for emphasis:
To express his frustrations, Rodriguez uses strong words with emotional connotations, creating pathos.
Using strong words with emotional connotations to create pathos, Rodriguez expresses his frustrations.
Use climactic order:
Throughout his essay, Rodriguez expresses his frustrations, uses words with emotional connotations, and evokes sympathy from the reader.
Consult section 43a for additional guidance.

16. Revising for Conciseness
Eliminate redundant words
Using emotionally charged words, Rodriguez creates pathos and makes an emotional appeal to readers to evoke sympathy or empathy.
Eliminate empty words
angle, area, aspect, case, element, factor, field, kind, nature, scope, situation, thing, type
Focusing on the emotional aspects of words enables Rodriguez to describe the situation in which he grew up and the frustrating aspects of speaking a second language.
Replace wordy phrases
at the present time = now/today
in today’s society = today
at that point in time = then
due to the fact that = because
for the purpose of = for
Simplify sentence structure
Richard Rodriguez, who was the child of immigrant parents and came from a disadvantaged home, argues against bilingual education, which is a program in which students are taught in the native language.

17. FOR NEXT WEEK
Bring in 1 copy of your completed draft 1.2 to class for workshop.
St. Martin's Handbook
Part 7, Sections 34-39, "Confusing Shifts," "Parallelism," Comma Splices and Fused Sentences," Sentence Fragments," "Modifier Placement," Consistent and Complete Structures"  (pp )
Part 8, 41-42, "Coordination and Subordination," "Sentence Variety" (pp )
There will be an activity geared towards your understanding and completion of the reading during class next Thursday, so take notes and bring them to class!
We will spend half the class peer critiquing and half the class working on revising.