1. WORDY & CONCISE
Another line of definition can be drawn by way of comparing the two men in the way they both perceive certain situations. 22 WORDS
The two men also perceive the same situations differently. 9 WORDS

2. WORDY AND CONCISE
This paragraph provides a vehicle for the writer to create a distinct separation between the two sections WORDS
This paragraph separates the two sections. 6 WORDS

3. WORDY AND CONCISE
In the two reports, each author employs the use of metaphor as a tool to explain concepts and to draw the reader in WORDS
Both reports use metaphor to help explain the concepts and interest the reader. 13 WORDS

4. WORDY AND CONCISE
Watch out for “nominalization,” which is the inadvertent creation of noun forms of what could be strong verbs. (See I just did it).
. . . which happens when you accidentally use a weak noun form of a verb.

5. WORDY & CONCISE Nominalization Examples:
The function of the central office is the supervision of the directors.
The central office supervises the directors.
There will be an investigation of this incident by the police.
The police will investigate this incident.

6. WORDY AND CONCISE Watch out for overuse of the passive voice.
It is said that power corrupts.
Power corrupts.
There were 200 attendees at the convention.
Two hundred people attended the convention.

7. WORDY & CONCISE Meaning was in everything by the children.
The children found meaning in everything.
It is our hope that . . .
We hope that . . .
It is our belief that . . .
We believe that . . .
It was explained to the residents.
I explained . . .

8. WORDY & CONCISE Sometimes you must use the passive voice.
When you can’t identify a specific doer of the action.
The water was contaminated in the northern half of the city, but no one knew why.
When you want to put the important idea in the subject of the sentence.
School is out for summer. School is out for forever (Alice Cooper).
The principal closed the school for summer (not quite the same).

9. WORDY & CONCISE
Sometimes you can delete unnecessary infinitive phrases.
The duty of the director is to supervise the staff.
The director supervises the staff.
But sometimes you can’t:
To be or not to be, that is the question.
Should I be or not be, that is the question (somehow not an improvement on the original).

10. WORDY & CONCISE Watch out for bureaucratese: accompany go with
inception
start
has the capability
can

11. WORDY & CONCISE