1. Acceptance and Values: How to handle disappointment, negativity and lack of motivation after a setback.

2. Objectives Identify some challenges that come with disappointments
Outline steps for coping with disappointment
Discuss the role of acceptance and values in overcoming disappointment
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So how are you really feeling after mid term exams
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3. After mid-term Blues?
Has it been rough for you since?

4. Was it too much for you?
Or did you think that it was so bad that it brought you to tears?
Any of these reactions can certainly emerge after experiencing a significant disappointing event
So how will we define disappointment?

5. Disappointment
Disappointment is an emotion occurring when what you want to have happen, doesn't happen. Sometimes it's simply bad luck, but more often than not our plans or expectations need adjustment.
Disappointment results from thoughts and expectations being out of line with reality (Ashworth, 2015)
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It certainly means that things do not go the way we expect or plan
Often we emerge like this (next slide)

6. Typical challenges when faced with disappointment
Staying positive and motivated in the face of demands, sadness, anxiety, distress, frustration
Moving forward
 Getting out of a study slump
 Overcoming negative thoughts about self and others
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You can imagine then that it will be difficult to move on …but there are steps we can take to get going again
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7. Steps to managing disappointment
Manage your emotions
Don’t take it personally
Review expectations
Take a big picture perspective
Try again or try another tack
Practice Acceptance
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We shall now look at each separately
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8. Manage Your Emotions
The most important tool when coping with a difficult or unexpected occurrence
Important to let yourself feel the emotions and identify them
The emotions help you to be aware of how much the event means to you
Avoid making judgments and decisions based on the emotions
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9. Don’t Take it Personally
Avoid attributing negative life events to your entire personal life
Taking it personally narrows your point of view
It prevents you from being open to learn something from the situation
Take the stand of openness of ‘not knowing’ why something turned out the way it did
Accept that results aren’t always reciprocal to efforts.
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Note that a big part of the hurt/disappointment is based on the fact that our expectations were dashed
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10. Expectations: How did it contribute to your disappointment?
Ask yourself….what kind of expectations do you set for yourself …do you want all As, do you just want to pass?
How does it impact you when your expectations are not met?
Perhaps when this happens we need to make some adjustments
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11. Review/Adjust your Expectations
Expectation is a key element in disappointment.
It also contributes to much of the stress associated with disappointment
Strive to have expectations that are reasonable and possible
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Sometimes looking moving form the specific to the bigger picture is what helps us to try again
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12. Big Picture Perspective
Take time to reflect on what is happening for you with this event
Be open to reevaluate, gain insight and clarity about what this means for you
Evaluate the extent of the importance of the disappointing event in the bigger scheme of things
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Naturally if something is important enough, it is natural to pursue it. But in order to get different result something might have to change
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13. Try Again or change the Tactic
Decide what to do next…what actions do you need to take?
Figure out what you need to change
Redirect your thinking
You have control over how you think
When you find yourself bombarded with negative thoughts, redirect to positive solutions.
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Note though that in the struggle to change things and move on, it is important to accept what happened and let it go
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14. Acceptance Comment on slide So how does acceptance actually work?
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15. Practice Acceptance
It is natural to be upset so acknowledge it and accept the pain
Know that disappointment is part of life…part of being human
Know that it will always be a struggle to accept disappointment
Acceptance of anything aversive is a lifelong challenge but it is necessary and adaptive for coping with disappointment.
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As you can image sometimes acceptance can be very difficult but you can always use your values to remind you of what needs to be done
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16. Let Your Values be your Guide
Comment on values….every person has values that drive behavior
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17. Let values guide you…not feelings and thoughts
Define your values. What is important to you?
Move toward your values despite: negative thoughts/feelings, low energy, distress, disappointment, slumps, sadness, anxiety…pain and discomfort
Remind yourself of your values often
Let your values motivate you, define what you do each day (instead of avoiding pain or changing how you think/feel)
Let your values dictate what you do
So go back to figuring out what your values are. Go through slide (refer to some of the values in previous slide)
Values on their own will do nothing if you do not act on them…that’s a crucial part of moving forward
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18. Action Plan
Taking action gives you some of the power you lost…action can help you to find hope and purpose again
So is there a time to act? (Next slide)

19. Act Now
Don’t want to long….that will be procrastination. Go back to studying. Develop a plan. See a learning strategist. Do whatever is necessary to get back on task.
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20. Committed Action Involves what we need to do to live by our values
The actions we take to make our lives meaningful often give rise to pain…
School is meaningful, but often disappointing
Relationships are meaningful, but often hurtful
Are you willing to make room for pain in order to do what matters to you?
- Identify your values, develop goals that express those values, choose actions that lead toward those goals, recognize barriers to taking action
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21. In short: ACT
ACT
A = Accept your thoughts and feelings, and be present
C = Choose a valued direction
T = Take action
You can remember this simple acronym
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22. Post It And when all is said and done you can say this to yourself
We also provide help for you to keep moving (PSC etc)
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23. Resources on Campus Psychological Services Center (PSC)
Campeche Hall , Top Floors (Behind Bourne Lecture Hall)
Call (to make an appointment
Department of Educational Services (DES)
Below Pensick Hall

24. Upcoming Wellness Wednesday
Understanding and Preventing Burnout
March 30th
Self-care and Your Health
April 13th

25. Works Cited
Ashworth, M. (2015). Dealing with Disappointment. Psych Central . Retrieved on March 8, 2016, from
Durst, J. (2012). Acceptance and Values: Dealing with disappointment, negativity and lack of motivation. Psychological Services Center, St. George’s University.
Henshaw, S. (2015) . How to Cope with Disappointment. Psych Central. Retrieved on March 9, 2016, from
Raeeka (2016). 4 steps to deal with disappointment. Retrieved on March 9, 2014 from
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