1. Identity Concepts seen thru film
When Harry Met Sally
Identity Concepts seen thru film

2. Focus Two main characters
Harry: Self prophesying, low self-esteem, misperception prone, in love with Sally!
Sally: Confident, lack of knowledge of actual self, pleaser, romantic, disillusioned, in love with Harry!

3. We travel through time…
We get a chance to study Harry & Sally during different stages of:
Time
Self evolvement
Relationships

4. What changes do we see… Physical
Each character changes hair styles, dress and general presentation of self
These physical changes cause each to perceive each other differently

5. What changes do we see… Examples:
Harry makes a distinct comment about Sally’s state of dress just after he finds out she is going on a date. He uses her insecurities to question whether she should wear what she has chosen.
Harry really wanted to keep Sally from going on the date. He tried to use misdirection and even reverse psycology to achieve his desire rather than a direct, concise communication.

6. Consequences of our choices…
Harry chose to chance misunderstanding by hiding his true feelings in humor, sarcasm and self-pity.
Sally chose to create the understanding that she was most comfortable hearing. She “knew” what he was trying to say, but wasn’t “prepared” to believe it or act on it.
Neither wanted to risk exhibiting their real feelings for fear of being hurt or losing there friendship

7. How we communicate changes over time?
Harry and Sally present themselves in different stages of life through out the film. At each stage they dress, appear and communicate differently.
College students Ready for anything – Road trip
Self centered Brutally “honest” – self perception
Optimistic The world is my stage – anything possible
Carefree
Young Adults Both are career oriented
Self absorbed Socially guided language, appearance, attitude
Career centered Been there, done that…
Arogant/Cynical
Mature Adults I’m better for it…it was worth the pain
Reflective This is what I really want
Self improvement Realization of truth
Committment

8. Relationships change with time
Surface
Building block (Sally)
Physical & Social (Harry)
Exploratory
Trust building (Sally)
Extended time period (Harry)
Intimate
Lasting (Sally)
Culminating (Harry)

9. His/Her Perceptions Surface Relationship
Harry all about physical & social acceptance
Sally focused on possibility of long term
This immediate difference of perception caused the initial rift between these two people. They couldn’t get past what the other expected of the relationship and gave up.

10. His/Her Perceptions Exploratory
Both had grown as individuals and had life experience to rely on in building a friendship
Harry was a self prophet
He felt he’d never have a healthy relationship
Sally was in denial over past relationships
She had hope of a healthy relationship
Their friends’ relationships brought them together over and over again
They didn’t choose to recognize this as a sign, but rather their role in their friends’ lives.
Both still had hidden feelings that time had to reveal

11. His/Her Perceptions Intimacy
Harry was certain that intimacy would kill their relationship
His perception of what intimacy meant did make problems with the relationship – Sally thought it meant more, Harry was afraid of failure and hurt.
Sally didn’t want to admit that there was any attraction or that intimacy would change anything
She prided herself on being right and couldn’t admit that she wanted an intimate relationship with Harry
Both were proved wrong and the truth lie in between the perceptions

12. How did this help me learn?
The film is a great depiction of relationships, communication and how affected our “self” can be from everything around us.
Both characters were changed after each “stage” of their relationship
I found it interesting to see the affects on “self” thru different stages of life.
Each new beginning of their relationship opened them up to different affects – they were more open, more trusting, more ready
It was also self reflective of how we perceive each other and how we play in our minds how conversations and relationships should play out.
My husband and I are challenged with this all the time. I can hear what I want him to say, but he doesn’t know what I want him to say. He doesn’t want to say what he means and I don’t want to hear what he wants to say. I am a lot like Sally. I want to be self aware, but I also want the fairy tale ending!

13. How did this help me learn?
I especially like the format of the film with the different generations sharing their love stories.
This shows clearly that words, socially accepted practices, customs, etc. can change dramatically over time
It also drove home that some things never change…power of love.
We can also be a very poor judge of what is the right decision for us at any given time. We are lucky when we get another chance to evaluate that decision.