Elaboration: Strategic Teaching To Improve Student Writing

Elaboration: Strategic Teaching To Improve Student Writing
Part 1: Introduction and Lesson 1 Defining Elaboration OSPI High School Instructional Support Materials for Writing These materials were developed by Washington teachers to help students improve their writing. Version 2 Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved.

OSPI Writing Instructional Support Materials Core Development Team
Nikki Elliott-Schuman – OSPI, Project Director Charlotte Carr – Retired Seattle SD, Facilitator Barbara Ballard – Coupeville SD Anne Beitlers – Seattle SD Marcie Belgard – Richland SD Betsy Cornell – Moses Lake SD Lydia Fesler – Spokane SD Lori Hadley – Puyallup SD Lissa Humphreys – East Valley SD (Spokane) Kathleen McGuinness – Kennewick SD Lisa McKeen – East Valley SD (Yakima) Sharon Schilperoort – Yakima SD Holly Stein – Eastside Catholic High School Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved.

Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved.
Purpose To share teaching strategies that will help students develop a piece of writing that elaborates on a single idea and addresses the needs and interests of a particular audience. Elaboration is critical for clear and effective writing. When WASL papers were analyzed, elaboration was the most critical element for moving a 2 to a 3 and a 3 to a 4. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved.

Alignment with GLEs - Writing
EALR 3. The student writes clearly and effectively Component Develops ideas and organizes writing from th Grade from th Grade from th/10th Grade Selects specific details relevant to the topic to extend ideas and develop elaboration (e.g., multiple examples, statistics, anecdotes, reasons). Uses personal experiences, observations, and/or research to support opinions and ideas (e.g., relevant data to support conclusions in math, science, social studies; personal knowledge of an illness to persuade the audience that water pollution is dangerous). Selects specific details relevant to the topic to extend ideas or develop elaboration (e.g., quotations, data, reasons, multiple examples that build on each other). Uses personal experiences, observations, and/or research to support opinions and ideas (e.g., relevant data to support conclusions in math, science, social studies; appropriate anecdotes to explain or persuade; information synthesized from a variety of sources to support an argument). Uses personal experiences, observations, and/or research from a variety of sources to support opinions and ideas (e.g., relevant data to support conclusions in math, science, social studies; appropriate researched information to explain or persuade; contrasting points of view to support a hypothesis or argument). Alignment with the GLEs GLE stands for Grade Level Expectations refers to elaboration in the GLEs. These are “expected” levels of performance for grade levels. Teachers of 4th, 7th, and 10th grades should know what writing skills are necessary to be effective writers and successful on the WASL. The GLEs help teachers at all levels understand what should be expected each year. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved.

Alignment with GLEs – Writing continued
EALR 3. The student writes clearly and effectively Component 3.2 Uses appropriate style GLE and 3.2.3 from & th grade from & th grade from & th/10th grade Selects and uses precise language to persuade or inform. Writes a variety of sentence lengths for effect (e.g., Up in her bedroom, behind her closed door, the girl stamped her foot in rage, wishing she could go to the picnic. Grounded!”). Writes a variety of sentence structures (e.g., uses appositive phrases). Writes a variety of sentence structures and lengths to create a cadence appropriate for audience, purpose, and form. Writes a variety of sentence structures (e.g., inverts sentence to draw attention to the point being made in an essay). Writes a variety of sentence structures and lengths to create a cadence appropriate for diverse audiences, purposes, and forms. Writes a variety of sentence structures (e.g., absolutes to add detail and elaborate). More Grade Level Expectations in writing Style includes voice, word choice, and sentence variety. All play a role in elaboration. Often students who struggle with writing have limited vocabularies, and specific word choice is an important part of elaboration. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved.

Alignment with GLEs Across the Curriculum
Reading 2.2.1 Explain an author’s development of time and sequence through the use of literary devices (7th). 2.2.3 Explain the influence of setting on mood, character, and plot (8th). 2.3.1 Explain how an action leads to long-lasting effects (9th & 10th). 2.4.5 Provide a response to text that expresses an insight (9th and 10th). Writing plays an important role in other disciplines. The WASL asks students to demonstrate what they know through written explanation. In reading, students must write to explain and interpret the text. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved.

Alignment with GLEs Across the Curriculum
Math 1.1.5 Explain solutions when dividing by fractions (8th). 1.1.7 Describe strategies for mentally solving problems involving integers and exponents (8th). 1.1.8 Explain situations involving real numbers where estimates are sufficient and others for which exact value is required. (9th & 10th). Science 3.1.3 Explain the criteria to evaluate the solutions to a problem or challenge (9th & 10th). 3.1.3 Compare and evaluate the effectiveness of different solutions to a problem or challenge based on criteria, using scientific concepts and principles (9th & 10th). 3.1.3 Describe how to change a system to solve a problem (9th &10th). Writing plays an important role in other disciplines. The WASL asks students to demonstrate what they know through written explanation. In math, students must write to explain how they solved problems. In science, students must write to explain, compare, describe, and evaluate concepts and processes. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved.

Link to the WASL The quality of elaboration is directly related to scores on the Content, Organization, and Style portion of the Writing WASL. The best writing has multiple layers of relevant elaboration. When WASL papers were analyzed, specific layered elaboration was the most critical element that differentiated between scores of “2” and “3” and scores of “3” and “4.” Thoughtful elaboration is guided by the needs of the audience. Top scoring WASL papers show clear audience awareness. Source: WASL scoring team, OSPI Standards Review Committee report You might want to go to the OSPI website ( and download copies of “2” and “3” annotated papers to illustrate the need for specific, layered elaboration. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved.

Research/Bibliography
Teaching writing To improve student writing, teachers should spend substantially more time on idea development and elaboration than on mechanics and editing (Gamble, 1990). Audience awareness Improvement in student writing is directly connected to the development of a sense of audience (McAlexander, 1996). Reading/Writing Connection Students benefit from using new vocabulary as they elaborate in writing; they create new contexts for using new vocabulary, and they are actively involved in their own learning. This improves the level of learning and retention (Coomber, Peet, and Smith, 1986). Teaching writing and reading together benefits the learning of both; specifically, reading improves student elaboration (Tierney, 1988). Additional Research on Elaboration Significant research has been conducted on the use of the writing process. Prewriting and revision play strong roles in effective elaboration. Specific, layered elaboration is basic to good writing. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved.

Bibliography for Elaboration
Coomber, James. “Elaboration in Vocabulary Learning: A Comparison of Three Rehearsal Methods.” Research in the Teaching of English, v20 n3 (1986): Gamble, Sandra. Robert Hashway. “A Network of Writing Skills.” Reading Improvement, v27 n1 (1990): p10-13. McAlexander, Patricia J. “Ideas in Practice: Audience Awareness and Developmental Composition.” Journal of Developmental Education, v20 n1 (1996): ,32-33. Tierney, Robert J. “Writing and Reading Working Together. Occasional Paper No. 5.” Center for the Study of Writing, Berkeley, CA.; Center for the Study of Writing, Pittsburgh, PA, 1988. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved.

Agenda of Lessons Elaboration Module
Defining Elaboration Asking Questions that Lead to Elaboration Recognizing Elaboration Show, Don't Tell Specific, Concrete Details versus General Language Elaboration within Sentences Layering -- Elaboration Using Multiple Sentences Criteria for Assessment Each lesson has four parts. Entry—a short beginning activity designed to generate interest, review the previous lesson, make connections, and/or relate material to students’ daily lives Lesson—the new information or concepts for the section Activity—the place where students apply the lesson on their own Assessment—These activities will also serve as formative assessments; that is, if the students are not “getting it,” it would be a good idea to go back and re-teach the concepts using different examples and/or other teaching strategies. Some students may need more time and opportunity to grasp the concepts. There is an Elaboration Scoring Guide and a Student Checklist as well as sample student papers at varying points throughout the module for a more formal assessment. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved.

DEFINING ELABORATION Lesson 1
Each strategy in lesson 1 provides definition of terms, examples, student samples, and opportunities for students to practice. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved.

Definition of Elaboration
Elaboration means. . . To tell the reader more using Specific words Extensions (phrases, clauses) Onion-like layering of detail Specific strategies, e.g., anecdotes or scenario, lists for specificity, examples, definitions, descriptions, quotations, statistics, and facts. It has been very successful with groups of students to have them respond chorally. The teacher asks, “What does elaboration mean?” The students respond, “Tell me more.” The teacher then proceeds to tell them more. Lesson 1 Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved.

What does elaboration look like?
ANECDOTES -- An anecdote is a short narrative inserted into an essay that develops an idea or argument. This sounds like. . . Once when I was in middle school, the kids would always. . . Hey, I remember the time when I had to carry my . . . Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Lesson 1

Develop your point with an anecdote. Student sample
You can’t give up, Jack. I remember one time when I played on the high school baseball team. We were losing, and it was the 8th inning. Everyone was getting discouraged, and then the coach said, “BOYS! You’ve got to RALLY here! Turn your ball caps around and GET OUT THERE!” So, Jack, turn your ball cap – I mean ATTITUDE -- around and get out there! Lesson 1 Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved.

ANECDOTES - your turn Do you remember any teacher who told lots of stories as they were teaching? Or parents who told stories about “when they were young”? This is an effective way to make or develop a point. Share some with your classmates. Opportunity for practice Ask your students if they remember any teacher who told lots of stories as they were teaching. Most teachers do this. Also, ask if their parents tell stories about “when they were young.” Listen while students share. Lesson 1 Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved.

EXAMPLES -- provide more specific information about an idea. This sounds like. . . We had a barrage of different weather last week: hail, rain, snow, and sunshine. My brothers always seem to pick on me. For instance, they may hide my soccer shoes before a game. The cats were all acting like they were crazy. For example, one jumped at me with all … Lesson 1 Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved.

Develop your point with an example. Student Sample
The game of golf can be played for an entire lifetime and also by yourself. People of any age can go out and play a round of golf whenever they want as opposed to team sports. For example, football, soccer, and volleyball take an entire team of people to play. How many times are you going to call up ten or more of your friends and go play sports? Lesson 1 Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved.

EXAMPLES - your turn Examples are an effective way to help the reader understand your ideas. Tell a classmate about a situation at school and provide him/her with an example. Opportunity for practice Lesson 1 Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved.

DEFINITIONS -- are restatements of an unfamiliar word or phrase to tell what it means. This sounds like… The best part of our hot lunch program is the A La Carte. What I mean by A La Carte is the little deli line past the lunch line where you can buy cookies, slushies, and candy bars. Lesson 1 Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved.

Develop your point with a definition. Student sample
One of the best programs at our school is something called Brainworks. Brainworks is an after-school program where kids go and do their homework. They even let you work on the computers there. I like it a lot because the lady who runs the program keeps everyone pretty quiet. At my house, I have 6 little brothers and sisters, and there is never a quiet place to work. Lesson 1 Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved.

DEFINITION – your turn Defining specific words shows an awareness of the audience. It shows you are thinking of what the audience knows and what they don’t know. Talk to your classmate about some of the “lingo” you hear at school. What would you have to define for your parents? Opportunity for practice Lesson 1 Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved.

STATISTICS and FACTS -- are the numbers (data) and information that help support your idea or argument. Well, Son, did you know that 3 out of 4 parents would have grounded you for staying out so late? Mom, did you know that 98% of all my friends get to stay up until 1:00 AM on weekends? Kids who smoke at an early age are prone to heart attacks later in life. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Lesson 1

Develop your point with facts and statistics. Student Sample
Another craze to sweep America was the low-carb diet. It was reported in the newspaper after the last holiday season that 67% of all Americans were low-carb dieting. Let me tell you the personal impact that has had on my family’s wheat farm here in Washington. Lesson 1 Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved.

STATISTICS and FACTS – your turn
Talk to a partner and come up with a statistic about school, e.g., number of football games won, number of friendly teachers, amount of time wasted in class. Think of what statistics would convince the audience. Share an idea with the whole group. Opportunity for practice. Remind students that for on-demand writing on the WASL, the writers may use fictitious statistics and information since the writers do not have an opportunity to conduct research (such as surveys or polls) to support their arguments. * It is important to note that the use of fictitious facts, quotations, and/or statistics in research papers, etc. is NEVER acceptable. Information should be well researched and documented. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Lesson 1

QUOTATIONS -- are words someone says that can help support your idea or argument. Dr. Stein, the veterinarian from the animal shelter, agreed when she said, Definition of quotation with example You can elaborate your ideas by quoting someone. The person could be an authority you know or have invented whose words support your idea or argument. “Spaying or neutering dogs and cats is the single best gift a pet owner can give.” Lesson 1 Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved.

Develop your point with quotations. Student Sample
Another reason to graduate from high school is that even technical jobs require a diploma. Jared Turner from Best Performance Welding magazine states, “We won’t even consider hiring a person without a high school diploma. Our workers need to read the job specs, monitor equipment performance, and write orders and reports.” Turner went on to describe the many qualified applicants who compete for positions in his busy firm. This seems to be different from the good old days and makes a pretty decent point about staying in school. Like statistics, students can be creative with their quotations. Lesson 1 Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved.

QUOTATION – your turn Quotations or simple dialogue can add information and credibility to your idea or argument. Tell your classmate what a world famous principal and author of The Best Schools for Kids might say about your school. Opportunity for practice Remind your students they can quote a family member or a friend. For example, my mother always said, “If you want something done right, you need to do it yourself.” Remind students that for on-demand writing on the WASL, the writers may use fictitious quotations since the writers do not have an opportunity to research documented quotations to support their arguments. * It is important to note that the use of fictitious facts, quotations, and/or statistics in research papers, etc. is NEVER acceptable. Information should be well researched and documented. Lesson 1 Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved.

DESCRIPTIONS --are ways to create vivid images for the reader. The sound of my phone cut through the silent class, and I anxiously dug into my backpack to grab it before Mrs. Schuman, the writing teacher, noticed. Pawing through Chapstick, lipstick, gum wrappers, and rubber hair wraps, my hand darted around the deep pockets of my backpack. “Must shut off ringer,” I thought. Explain how you can use description to elaborate. One way is to use sensory images to create vivid pictures for your reader by appealing to the senses of sight, touch, hearing, taste, and smell. Lesson 1 Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved.

Develop your point with description. Student Sample
Jackie walked slowly to the Vietnam Veterans’ Memorial exhibit. In her hands were two yellow daffodils that she had brought with her on the hour-long bus ride. Their green stems, snapped from the patch in the backyard, were slowly drying out. Talk about the sensory appeal in this paragraph. “The reader can see the yellow daffodils and green stems, feel the brittleness, and hear the snap of the dry stems.” Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Lesson 1

DESCRIPTION – your turn
Description can take many forms and still be effective. Show, don’t just tell, your reader. Be specific with your word choice. Try to create an image that appeals to your reader’s senses. Work with your partner and write a paragraph that describes the cafeteria at your school. Elaborate using sensory details. Example describing my son’s car - When I opened the door of my son’s car, I was first assaulted by the overwhelming odor of mildew. This was combined with the lingering aroma of greasy cheeseburger wrappers and sweaty gym socks. My eyes wandered to the passenger’s seat littered with empty water bottles, gum wrappers, and foamy, scummy latte cups. The worst, however, was sitting down on the driver’s seat, hearing the crackle of potato chips, and feeling the stickiness of cotton candy on the steering wheel. Lesson 1 Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved.

Your Turn Think about an activity, a sport, or a class you believe should be offered to students at your school. Write a letter to your principal persuading him/her why this activity, sport, or class should be offered. As you think about your audience, decide what type of elaboration would be most convincing. (anecdotes, examples, statistics and facts, quotations/expert opinion, description) See - Elaboration Scoring Guide See student samples - Grade 10 Aerobics The student samples, Grade 10 Aerobics pre-instruction paragraph and the Elaboration Scoring Guide can be found in the Document Folder. After students have received the elaboration instruction in Lesson One, these pre- and post- samples may be helpful if used in the following ways: 1)Distribute Grade 10 Aerobics. Read orally and discuss with the following questions: Did the writer stay on the topic? Was the writer persuasive? Did the writer use any elaboration techniques? If you were a principal, would you be convinced? Why or why not? 2) Distribute the Elaboration Scoring Guide. Share the annotations given on this paper and help students see that the language of the scoring guide frames the reasons why this paper is so ineffective. 3) Distribute the Grade 10 Aerobics post-instruction paragraph. Read it orally and have students discuss the same questions. They should notice that this is a much stronger paper. Share the information in the annotations, having students follow along on their copy of the Elaboration Scoring Guide. Students should see how using elaboration techniques support the topic (a new aerobics class) and develop the writer’s ideas/arguments for it. After this discussion, have your students do the writing activity on this slide. Students should choose an activity, sport, or class and write a letter persuading the principal to offer it. Lesson 1 Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved.

Feedback, please We welcome your comments. Please feel free to try these lessons and send feedback to Nikki Elliott-Schuman at We appreciate your labeling the subject line as Feedback: OSPI Instructional Support Materials. This slide is NOT for students. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved.

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