1. Managing Conflict Communication Dynamics
GSAS Conference – Savannah, GA
August – September 2016
Copyright 2012, Dr. Rick Voyles. All Rights Reserved.

2. Group Exercise Write Your Conflict (P & P) Share Your Conflict
Copyright 2012, Dr. Rick Voyles. All Rights Reserved.

3. Group Exercise Write Instructions for Resolving a Conflict
Key Ingredients…
Necessary Steps…
Must do’s…
Don’ts…
Copyright 2012, Dr. Rick Voyles. All Rights Reserved.

4. The Problem
First:
Most of what we are taught about conflict resolution is ineffective.
Second:
What we don’t know about how conflict works is scary.
Copyright 2012, Dr. Rick Voyles. All Rights Reserved.

5. How would you convince…?
How Conflict Works
How many people…?
How would you convince…?
Copyright 2012, Dr. Rick Voyles. All Rights Reserved.

6. How Conflict Works Event/Incident Explanation Expectation
Copyright 2012, Dr. Rick Voyles. All Rights Reserved.

7. How Conflict Works 1) Event/Incident Let it go or Engage (confront)
Copyright 2012, Dr. Rick Voyles. All Rights Reserved.

8. How Conflict Works 2) Explanation
What was done
and
Its impact on me
A Wrong-doing
+ A Victim
Some Required Action
Copyright 2012, Dr. Rick Voyles. All Rights Reserved.

9. Justification & Framing
How Conflict Works
2) Explanation
Characteristics:
Justification & Framing
in order to
Convince
to do a required action
(i.e. their request)
Copyright 2012, Dr. Rick Voyles. All Rights Reserved.

10. Justification & Framing creates an expectation
How Conflict Works
2) Explanation
Justification & Framing
plus a
Request
creates an expectation
Copyright 2012, Dr. Rick Voyles. All Rights Reserved.

11. You will understand & accept my explanation (j&f) and do my request
How Conflict Works
3) Expectation
You will understand & accept my explanation (j&f) and do my request
Copyright 2012, Dr. Rick Voyles. All Rights Reserved.

12. If understand & accept, then…
How Conflict Works
3) Expectation
If understand & accept, then…
The End of the Conflict
But…
Copyright 2012, Dr. Rick Voyles. All Rights Reserved.

13. If reject & refuse, then…
How Conflict Works
3) Expectation
If reject & refuse, then…
Enter:
Stage Two of Conflict
Copyright 2012, Dr. Rick Voyles. All Rights Reserved.

14. Get the Other Person to Do Your Request
Stage Two Conflict
Techniques:
Argue Facts & Values
Goal
Get the Other Person to Do Your Request
Copyright 2012, Dr. Rick Voyles. All Rights Reserved.

15. Truth will lead to Mutual Understanding
Arguing Facts & Values
Past Fact Scenarios
Truth will lead to Mutual Understanding
Me, Us
The Kids, The Family
The Team, The Project
Copyright 2012, Dr. Rick Voyles. All Rights Reserved.

16. Change the Other Person’s When that doesn’t work…
In Order To…
Change the Other Person’s
Behavior
Feelings
Thinking
When that doesn’t work…
Copyright 2012, Dr. Rick Voyles. All Rights Reserved.

17. Character Revelation Unreasonable Mean Out to get me
Copyright 2012, Dr. Rick Voyles. All Rights Reserved.

18. Results + Immoveable Permission to Punish Character Revelation
Escalation
Copyright 2012, Dr. Rick Voyles. All Rights Reserved.

19. Stage Two Conflict Characteristics
Stuck in the Past
Character Attacks
Circular Arguing
Inflexible
Copyright 2012, Dr. Rick Voyles. All Rights Reserved.

20. What Do We Do? Starts with No
Stage Two of Conflict
Starts with No
Copyright 2012, Dr. Rick Voyles. All Rights Reserved.

21. Disagree with their explanation and/or Reject their expectation
Let’s Look At Your No
Why did you say No?
“ I can’t do that…” (impossible)
“That’s not fair…” (unrealistic, unreasonable)
“I won’t do that…” (wrong)
Disagree with their explanation and/or Reject their expectation
Copyright 2012, Dr. Rick Voyles. All Rights Reserved.

22. By focusing on their explanation, I engage the Cycle of Conflict
A Big Mistake
I begin to “Fix” their Explanation or provide an Alternate (corrected) Explanation
By focusing on their explanation,
I engage the Cycle of Conflict
Copyright 2012, Dr. Rick Voyles. All Rights Reserved.

23. My “correct” Explanation
Cycle of Conflict
Their Explanation
Their Request
Which You Refuse
My “correct” Explanation
Which They Refuse
Copyright 2012, Dr. Rick Voyles. All Rights Reserved.

24. (Not their explanation) Your No is about the Future
What Do We Do?
Stop the Cycle
Stop Debating the Past
Step One:
Look at Your No
(Not their explanation)
Why did you say No?
Your No is about the Future
Copyright 2012, Dr. Rick Voyles. All Rights Reserved.

25. 10K Illustration Why You Said No Their Request If Granted Your Future
Future Photo
Loss
Their Request
If Granted
10K Illustration
Copyright 2012, Dr. Rick Voyles. All Rights Reserved.

26. NO YES Your No is also a Yes Every No is also a Yes No/Yes Synergy
Your Future
No/Yes Synergy
Future Photo
Loss
Their Request NO
Future Photo
Stability
YES
Your No is also a Yes
Every No is also a Yes
Copyright 2012, Dr. Rick Voyles. All Rights Reserved.

27. No/Yes Synergy Every No is a Yes to Something Else
Yes/No Exercise
Copyright 2012, Dr. Rick Voyles. All Rights Reserved.

28. Focus On The Future Arguing the Past Always Leads to Defensiveness
Getting Stuck in the Past
Instead, Focus on the Future
Copyright 2012, Dr. Rick Voyles. All Rights Reserved.

29. Conflict Management Secret #4 All Resolutions are Future Oriented.
Copyright 2012, Dr. Rick Voyles. All Rights Reserved.

30. What About Their Request? Step Two: Look at Their Request
Let’s look now at How to Handle their Request
Step Two:
Look at Their Request
(Not their J & F)
What was their Request?
Copyright 2012, Dr. Rick Voyles. All Rights Reserved.

31. Therefore: They must engage
Their Future
Role of their Request
Future Photo
Loss
Event
Present Circumstances
Therefore: They must engage
Copyright 2012, Dr. Rick Voyles. All Rights Reserved.

32. Conflict Management Secret #1
People Only Fight About Things They Care About.
Copyright 2012, Dr. Rick Voyles. All Rights Reserved.

33. Event Role of their Request Present Circumstances Their Request
Their Future
Role of their Request
Future Photo
Loss
Event
Present Circumstances
Their Request
Action taken to stop impending loss
Future Photo
Stability
Copyright 2012, Dr. Rick Voyles. All Rights Reserved.

34. No Event The Impact of Your No Present Circumstances Their Request
Their Future
The Impact of Your No
Future Photo
Loss
Event
Present Circumstances
Their Request
Action taken to stop impending loss
Future Photo
Stability No
Your No: Implies Impending Loss
Copyright 2012, Dr. Rick Voyles. All Rights Reserved.

35. They Fight for Their Request
Therefore…
They Fight for Their Request
(SSM)
“Inflexible”
Copyright 2012, Dr. Rick Voyles. All Rights Reserved.

36. Inside Every Request is a Basic Human Need
What Do You Do?
Identify The Need
Do Need Exploration
Inside Every Request is a Basic Human Need
Copyright 2012, Dr. Rick Voyles. All Rights Reserved.

37. (Identify/Find the Need)
Summary
Step One:
Look at Your No
Step Two:
Look at Their Request
(Identify/Find the Need)
Copyright 2012, Dr. Rick Voyles. All Rights Reserved.

38. Some Conclusions
Communication skills are not enough to resolve Stage Two Conflict
Arguing facts will keep you stuck in the Past
Focus on your No
Your No is also a Yes
Copyright 2012, Dr. Rick Voyles. All Rights Reserved.

39. Some Conclusions Your No is about the Future Look at their Request
Their request is about the Future
All resolutions are Future Oriented
Copyright 2012, Dr. Rick Voyles. All Rights Reserved.

40. Credits
Resolving Conflicts at Work by Kenneth Cloke, Joan Goldsmith, Jossey-Bass: San Francisco, 2000.
Working Through Conflict by Joseph P. Folger, Marshall Scott Poole, Randall K. Stutman, Pearson Education, Inc., 2009.
Understanding Conflict: What are we fighting for? by Dr. Rick Voyles, White Feather Press: Michigan, 2009.
A Benefit Resolution Mindset, Dr. Rick Voyles, Mediate.com, January 18, #105, 2004.
Discovering Benefit, Dr. Rick Voyles, Mediate.com, February 18, #107, 2004.

41. DrRickV@ CenterforDisputeSolutions.com
Contacting Info
Dr. Rick Voyles
CenterforDisputeSolutions.com
Copyright 2012, Dr. Rick Voyles. All Rights Reserved.