1. Through the Valley of Grief
Help For the Hurting
GRACE THROUGH GRIEF
Session Two:
Helping Each Other
Through the Valley of Grief
Tuesday, February 13th, 2018

2. Introduction

3. Introduction
While none of us can truly be prepared to go through the grieving process ourselves, we are equally at a loss when it comes to helping someone we know and care about who is grieving; words often fail us, and we may feel we are doing more harm than good.

4. Introduction
While none of us can truly be prepared to go through the grieving process ourselves, we are equally at a loss when it comes to helping someone we know and care about who is grieving; words often fail us, and we may feel we are doing more harm than good.
If we have passed through the valley of grief ourselves, we are able to have greater understanding and empathy for others who are experiencing grief and loss; nevertheless, each one's grief is unique, and each may take a different path through the valley of grief.

5. Introduction
We do not want to be miserable comforters, as Job's friends were (Job 16:2); we need to learn patience, compassion and discretion, and recognize what we are or are not able to do in the unique relationship we have with that person.

6. Introduction
We do not want to be miserable comforters, as Job's friends were (Job 16:2); we need to learn patience, compassion and discretion, and recognize what we are or are not able to do in the unique relationship we have with that person.
Love obligates us to not only do what we can for those that are hurting, but also to learn what we can so that the comfort we give is as helpful as possible.

7. Introduction
We do not want to be miserable comforters, as Job's friends were (Job 16:2); we need to learn patience, compassion and discretion, and recognize what we are or are not able to do in the unique relationship we have with that person.
Love obligates us to not only do what we can for those that are hurting, but also to learn what we can so that the comfort we give is as helpful as possible.
We will thus consider various negative strategies we should avoid, and positive strategies we can employ in trying to help someone with and through their grief.

8. What to Avoid When Attempting to Offer Comfort

9. What to Avoid When Attempting to Offer Comfort
-Avoid making flippant, generalized comments such as “I feel your pain” or “It will be okay”. Listening can often be more of a comfort than speaking.

10. What to Avoid When Attempting to Offer Comfort
-Avoid making flippant, generalized comments such as “I feel your pain” or “It will be okay”. Listening can often be more of a comfort than speaking.
-Avoid attempting to explain why things happened as they did; you're only guessing at best.

11. What to Avoid When Attempting to Offer Comfort
-Avoid making flippant, generalized comments such as “I feel your pain” or “It will be okay”. Listening can often be more of a comfort than speaking.
-Avoid attempting to explain why things happened as they did; you're only guessing at best.
-As the individual goes through the various stages of grief, avoid reacting in judgment or criticism to what they may say or do in the moment.

12. What to Avoid When Attempting to Offer Comfort
-Avoid making flippant, generalized comments such as “I feel your pain” or “It will be okay”. Listening can often be more of a comfort than speaking.
-Avoid attempting to explain why things happened as they did; you're only guessing at best.
-As the individual goes through the various stages of grief, avoid reacting in judgment or criticism to what they may say or do in the moment.
-Recognize the limits of your relationship with the person grieving and avoid over-imposing yourself

13. What to Avoid When Attempting to Offer Comfort
-Avoid making flippant, generalized comments such as “I feel your pain” or “It will be okay”. Listening can often be more of a comfort than speaking.
-Avoid attempting to explain why things happened as they did; you're only guessing at best.
-As the individual goes through the various stages of grief, avoid reacting in judgment or criticism to what they may say or do in the moment.
-Recognize the limits of your relationship with the person grieving and avoid over-imposing yourself
-Remember that it is about them, and not about you; don't let your feelings get hurt.

14. Providing Initial Comfort for the Grieving

15. Providing Initial Comfort for the Grieving
Comfort Through your Presence

16. Providing Initial Comfort for the Grieving
Comfort Through your Presence
-Often when we are unsure what to do, we don't do anything, but you can't be much help if you don't show up; it is best to go to the bereaved as soon as it is appropriate, to demonstrate by your presence that you care.

17. Providing Initial Comfort for the Grieving
Comfort Through your Presence
-Often when we are unsure what to do, we don't do anything, but you can't be much help if you don't show up; it is best to go to the bereaved as soon as it is appropriate, to demonstrate by your presence that you care.
-If you don't know what to say, using other means to express your care for them – cards, flowers, meals can be meaningful and helpful

18. Providing Initial Comfort for the Grieving
Comfort Through your Presence
-Often when we are unsure what to do, we don't do anything, but you can't be much help if you don't show up; it is best to go to the bereaved as soon as it is appropriate, to demonstrate by your presence that you care.
-If you don't know what to say, using other means to express your care for them – cards, flowers, meals can be meaningful and helpful
-You don't necessarily need to say anything to be a comfort – sometimes just being there to listen can be a help

19. Providing Initial Comfort for the Grieving
Comfort Through your Presence
-Sometimes there are things that you can do to help around the house that the individual may not have the emotional or physical energy to deal with.
Examples:

20. Providing Initial Comfort for the Grieving
Comfort Through your Presence
-Sometimes there are things that you can do to help around the house that the individual may not have the emotional or physical energy to deal with.
Examples:
-Filling/Emptying the Dishwasher

21. Providing Initial Comfort for the Grieving
Comfort Through your Presence
-Sometimes there are things that you can do to help around the house that the individual may not have the emotional or physical energy to deal with.
Examples:
-Filling/Emptying the Dishwasher
-Walking the Dog

22. Providing Initial Comfort for the Grieving
Comfort Through your Presence
-Sometimes there are things that you can do to help around the house that the individual may not have the emotional or physical energy to deal with.
Examples:
-Filling/Emptying the Dishwasher
-Walking the Dog
-Shoveling Snow

23. Providing Initial Comfort for the Grieving
Comfort Through your Presence
-Sometimes there are things that you can do to help around the house that the individual may not have the emotional or physical energy to deal with.
Examples:
-Filling/Emptying the Dishwasher
-Walking the Dog
-Shoveling Snow
-Mowing the Lawn

24. Providing Initial Comfort for the Grieving
Comfort Through your Presence
-Sometimes there are things that you can do to help around the house that the individual may not have the emotional or physical energy to deal with.
Examples:
-Filling/Emptying the Dishwasher
-Walking the Dog
-Shoveling Snow
-Mowing the Lawn
-Others?

25. Providing Initial Comfort for the Grieving
Comfort Through your Presence
-Be willing to be present with the individual in the midst of their expressions of grief and pain; don't feel embarrassed to be with them as they cry, instead be comfortable with crying with them.

26. Providing Initial Comfort for the Grieving
Comfort Through your Presence
-Be willing to be present with the individual in the midst of their expressions of grief and pain; don't feel embarrassed to be with them as they cry, instead be comfortable with crying with them.
-Human touch, as appropriate, helps to show that you care.

27. Providing Initial Comfort for the Grieving
Comfort Through your Presence
-Be willing to be present with the individual in the midst of their expressions of grief and pain; don't feel embarrassed to be with them as they cry, instead be comfortable with crying with them.
-Human touch, as appropriate, helps to show that you care.
-At a certain point, it can be best to excuse yourself and make an exit so that others can have the opportunity to help the grieving as well.

28. Providing Initial Comfort for the Grieving
Comfort Through Your Words – Job 16:5

29. Providing Initial Comfort for the Grieving
Comfort Through Your Words – Job 16:5
- Your words need to be chosen carefully; it is important to listen and respond rather than react

30. Providing Initial Comfort for the Grieving
Comfort Through Your Words – Job 16:5
- Your words need to be chosen carefully; it is important to listen and respond rather than react
-Don't try to fix the person grieving, or take their pain away; speak the truth in love

31. Providing Initial Comfort for the Grieving
Comfort Through Your Words – Job 16:5
- Your words need to be chosen carefully; it is important to listen and respond rather than react
-Don't try to fix the person grieving, or take their pain away; speak the truth in love
-Talk openly about the deceased; share positive memories

32. Providing Initial Comfort for the Grieving
Comfort Through Your Words – Job 16:5
- Your words need to be chosen carefully; it is important to listen and respond rather than react
-Don't try to fix the person grieving, or take their pain away; speak the truth in love
-Talk openly about the deceased; share positive memories
-Praying or sharing scriptures (such as Psalm 23 or 1 Thess. 4:13- 18) with the one grieving at the appropriate time can also be helpful – Prov. 15:23

33. Providing Long-Term Comfort for the Grieving

34. Providing Long-Term Comfort for the Grieving
-In the time from when the loss occurs to the funeral, those grieving are surrounded by many that offer comfort, and often do not lack in support.

35. Providing Long-Term Comfort for the Grieving
-In the time from when the loss occurs to the funeral, those grieving are surrounded by many that offer comfort, and often do not lack in support.
-Once the funeral is over and everyone goes home, however, the grieving process for those who have suffered loss is far from over, so providing comfort on a long term basis can be a great help to them.

36. Providing Long-Term Comfort for the Grieving
Comfort Through Thoughtfulness

37. Providing Long-Term Comfort for the Grieving
Comfort Through Thoughtfulness
-As the reality of their loss continues to sink in, those who have suffered loss will continue to struggle with their loved on not being a part of their life anymore.

38. Providing Long-Term Comfort for the Grieving
Comfort Through Thoughtfulness
-As the reality of their loss continues to sink in, those who have suffered loss will continue to struggle with their loved on not being a part of their life anymore.
-Various dates throughout the year - birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas, etc. - will be especially hard

39. Providing Long-Term Comfort for the Grieving
Comfort Through Thoughtfulness
-As the reality of their loss continues to sink in, those who have suffered loss will continue to struggle with their loved on not being a part of their life anymore.
-Various dates throughout the year - birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas, etc. - will be especially hard
-Being mindful of those dates and reaching out to the one grieving – by making a phone call or sending a card or flowers or stopping by for a visit – can be of great comfort.

40. Providing Long-Term Comfort for the Grieving
Comfort Through Visiting

41. Providing Long-Term Comfort for the Grieving
Comfort Through Visiting
-Loneliness can be a big struggle for anyone that is grieving, so have someone to come and visit regularly can be a big boost.

42. Providing Long-Term Comfort for the Grieving
Comfort Through Visiting
-Loneliness can be a big struggle for anyone that is grieving, so have someone to come and visit regularly can be a big boost.
-In visiting, one can either make an impromptu visit, which can serve as an unexpected surprise and encouragement, or a planned visit, which gives the one grieving something to look forward to. What is important is making a commitment to visit and following through on it; failing to do so can be very discouraging

43. Providing Long-Term Comfort for the Grieving
Comfort Through Visiting
-When visiting, give the individual grieving your full attention, and focus on listening more than talking; allow the one grieving to share their heartache and struggles without judging

44. Providing Long-Term Comfort for the Grieving
Comfort Through Visiting
-When visiting, give the individual grieving your full attention, and focus on listening more than talking; allow the one grieving to share their heartache and struggles without judging
-Recognize the therapeutic value of reminiscing, and of expressing grief; it is healthier for them to let things out rather than keep them bottled in.

45. Providing Long-Term Comfort for the Grieving
Comfort Through Assisting

46. Providing Long-Term Comfort for the Grieving
Comfort Through Assisting
-We often make the mistake of saying “If you need anything, just call”, not recognizing that the one grieving may not have the energy or capacity to recognize their need and call to ask for help.

47. Providing Long-Term Comfort for the Grieving
Comfort Through Assisting
-We often make the mistake of saying “If you need anything, just call”, not recognizing that the one grieving may not have the energy or capacity to recognize their need and call to ask for help.
-Learn to anticipate needs they might have, make specific offers to help, and be reliable in helping.

48. Providing Long-Term Comfort for the Grieving
Comfort Through Assisting
Help The One Grieving May Need:

49. Providing Long-Term Comfort for the Grieving
Comfort Through Assisting
Help The One Grieving May Need:
-Regular Maintenance – Mowing Lawn, Shoveling Snow

50. Providing Long-Term Comfort for the Grieving
Comfort Through Assisting
Help The One Grieving May Need:
-Regular Maintenance – Mowing Lawn, Shoveling Snow
-Repairs – Fix-it Jobs around the House, Mechanical Work

51. Providing Long-Term Comfort for the Grieving
Comfort Through Assisting
Help The One Grieving May Need:
-Regular Maintenance – Mowing Lawn, Shoveling Snow
-Repairs – Fix-it Jobs around the House, Mechanical Work
-Shopping/Meal Preparation

52. Providing Long-Term Comfort for the Grieving
Comfort Through Assisting
Help The One Grieving May Need:
-Regular Maintenance – Mowing Lawn, Shoveling Snow
-Repairs – Fix-it Jobs around the House, Mechanical Work
-Shopping/Meal Preparation
-Finances – Taxes, Investment Advice

53. Providing Long-Term Comfort for the Grieving
Comfort Through Assisting
Help The One Grieving May Need:
-Regular Maintenance – Mowing Lawn, Shoveling Snow
-Repairs – Fix-it Jobs around the House, Mechanical Work
-Shopping/Meal Preparation
-Finances – Taxes, Investment Advice
-Child-care

54. Providing Long-Term Comfort for the Grieving
Comfort Through Assisting
Help The One Grieving May Need:
-Regular Maintenance – Mowing Lawn, Shoveling Snow
-Repairs – Fix-it Jobs around the House, Mechanical Work
-Shopping/Meal Preparation
-Finances – Taxes, Investment Advice
-Child-care
-Socialization

55. Providing Long-Term Comfort for the Grieving
Comfort Through Assisting
Help The One Grieving May Need:
-Regular Maintenance – Mowing Lawn, Shoveling Snow
-Repairs – Fix-it Jobs around the House, Mechanical Work
-Shopping/Meal Preparation
-Finances – Taxes, Investment Advice
-Child-care
-Socialization
-Others?

56. Helping The Grieving Emerge From the Valley

57. Helping The Grieving Emerge From the Valley
-Grieving is a process that takes time, and it is not a process that should be rushed. Sadly, however, it can be a valley that some, overcome by sorrow, struggle to emerge from; some may enter into depression and give up on living, even choosing to end their lives because they feel they can't keep living without that loved one.

58. Helping The Grieving Emerge From the Valley
-Grieving is a process that takes time, and it is not a process that should be rushed. Sadly, however, it can be a valley that some, overcome by sorrow, struggle to emerge from; some may enter into depression and give up on living, even choosing to end their lives because they feel they can't keep living without that loved one.
-As you draw closer to a grieving individual, warning signs can become evident, and preventative action may be required.

59. Helping The Grieving Emerge From the Valley
Signs of Being Suicidal
Actions:

60. Helping The Grieving Emerge From the Valley
Signs of Being Suicidal
Actions:
-Giving Away Possessions

61. Helping The Grieving Emerge From the Valley
Signs of Being Suicidal
Actions:
-Giving Away Possessions
-Withdrawal from Family & Friends

62. Helping The Grieving Emerge From the Valley
Signs of Being Suicidal
Actions:
-Giving Away Possessions
-Withdrawal from Family & Friends
-Misuse/Abuse of Alcohol/Drugs

63. Helping The Grieving Emerge From the Valley
Signs of Being Suicidal
Actions:
-Giving Away Possessions
-Withdrawal from Family & Friends
-Misuse/Abuse of Alcohol/Drugs
-Loss of Interest in Activities They Once Enjoyed

64. Helping The Grieving Emerge From the Valley
Signs of Being Suicidal
Actions:
-Giving Away Possessions
-Withdrawal from Family & Friends
-Misuse/Abuse of Alcohol/Drugs
-Loss of Interest in Activities They Once Enjoyed
-Sudden Weight Loss/Gain, Lack of Interest in Appearance

65. Helping The Grieving Emerge From the Valley
Signs of Being Suicidal
Actions:
-Giving Away Possessions
-Withdrawal from Family & Friends
-Misuse/Abuse of Alcohol/Drugs
-Loss of Interest in Activities They Once Enjoyed
-Sudden Weight Loss/Gain, Lack of Interest in Appearance
-Impulsive or Reckless Behavior

66. Helping The Grieving Emerge From the Valley
Signs of Being Suicidal
Words:

67. Helping The Grieving Emerge From the Valley
Signs of Being Suicidal
Words:
“I just can't take it anymore.”

68. Helping The Grieving Emerge From the Valley
Signs of Being Suicidal
Words:
“I just can't take it anymore.”
“I am just a burden to everyone.”

69. Helping The Grieving Emerge From the Valley
Signs of Being Suicidal
Words:
“I just can't take it anymore.”
“I am just a burden to everyone.”
“I can't think straight anymore.”

70. Helping The Grieving Emerge From the Valley
Signs of Being Suicidal
Words:
“I just can't take it anymore.”
“I am just a burden to everyone.”
“I can't think straight anymore.”
“All my problems will be over soon.”

71. Helping The Grieving Emerge From the Valley
Signs of Being Suicidal
Words:
“I just can't take it anymore.”
“I am just a burden to everyone.”
“I can't think straight anymore.”
“All my problems will be over soon.”
“No one can help me now.”

72. Helping The Grieving Emerge From the Valley
Signs of Being Suicidal
Words:
“I just can't take it anymore.”
“I am just a burden to everyone.”
“I can't think straight anymore.”
“All my problems will be over soon.”
“No one can help me now.”

73. Helping The Grieving Emerge From the Valley
-These signs of distress are invitations for help; it is best to explore what these signs may mean, and even to directly ask the individual if they are or have been contemplating suicide.

74. Helping The Grieving Emerge From the Valley
-These signs of distress are invitations for help; it is best to explore what these signs may mean, and even to directly ask the individual if they are or have been contemplating suicide.
-Allowing the individual the opportunity to share their heartache can help to de-escalate the situation, but it may be necessary to help the individual develop a plan to keep them safe, and even to assist them in getting the assistance they may need.

75. Helping The Grieving Emerge From the Valley
-These signs of distress are invitations for help; it is best to explore what these signs may mean, and even to directly ask the individual if they are or have been contemplating suicide.
-Allowing the individual the opportunity to share their heartache can help to de-escalate the situation, but it may be necessary to help the individual develop a plan to keep them safe, and even to assist them in getting the assistance they may need.
-There are any individuals within your community that you can call on to assist you when someone you know is suicidal –RCMP, Hospital, Crisis Centre, etc.

76. Helping The Grieving Emerge From the Valley
Positive Strategies To Assist in Recovery From Grief:

77. Helping The Grieving Emerge From the Valley
Positive Strategies To Assist in Recovery From Grief:
-Invitations to Support Organizations – Churches, Counselling Services, Support Groups

78. Helping The Grieving Emerge From the Valley
Positive Strategies To Assist in Recovery From Grief:
-Invitations to Support Organizations – Churches, Counselling Services, Support Groups
-Invitations For Socialization

79. Helping The Grieving Emerge From the Valley
Positive Strategies To Assist in Recovery From Grief:
-Invitations to Support Organizations – Churches, Counselling Services, Support Groups
-Invitations For Socialization
-Invitations for Service

80. Helping The Grieving Emerge From the Valley
Positive Strategies To Assist in Recovery From Grief:
-Invitations to Support Organizations – Churches, Counselling Services, Support Groups
-Invitations For Socialization
-Invitations for Service
-Visiting Sick/Elderly

81. Helping The Grieving Emerge From the Valley
Positive Strategies To Assist in Recovery From Grief:
-Invitations to Support Organizations – Churches, Counselling Services, Support Groups
-Invitations For Socialization
-Invitations for Service
-Visiting Sick/Elderly
-Helping with Children

82. Helping The Grieving Emerge From the Valley
Positive Strategies To Assist in Recovery From Grief:
-Invitations to Support Organizations – Churches, Counselling Services, Support Groups
-Invitations For Socialization
-Invitations for Service
-Visiting Sick/Elderly
-Helping with Children
-Assisting Others Who Have Experienced Loss

83. Final Thoughts

84. Final Thoughts
Ultimately, when we are at a loss of how to help someone that is grieving, God is able to give us the grace we need so that he can comfort that individual through us.

85. Final Thoughts
Ultimately, when we are at a loss of how to help someone that is grieving, God is able to give us the grace we need so that he can comfort that individual through us.
“Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.”
Hebrew 4:16

86. Final Thoughts
Ultimately, when we are at a loss of how to help someone that is grieving, God is able to give us the grace we need so that he can comfort that individual through us.
“Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.”
Hebrew 4:16
“Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort; Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God.” 2 Corinthians 1:3,4

87. Final Thoughts
We live in a world where loss, grief and sorrow are a present reality, but as we look to God for the comfort he provides, and reach out to each other in the times of sorrow, we can help each other through the valley of grief and discover healing, recovery and renewed purpose in our lives, knowing that one day our sorrows will come to an end.

88. Final Thoughts
We live in a world where loss, grief and sorrow are a present reality, but as we look to God for the comfort he provides, and reach out to each other in the times of sorrow, we can help each other through the valley of grief and discover healing, recovery and renewed purpose in our lives, knowing that one day our sorrows will come to an end.
“And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.” Revelation 21:4