1. Tools for Talking when the stakes are high Kathy Moorefield
City of Charlotte, NC

2. Crucial Conversations
Sixteen hours of classroom training:
Video-based instruction from the authors of Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking when Stakes are High
Original video clips of “real world” situations
Extensive in-class practice to build skills
Application to real individual, team, and organizational issues
Post-training tools to reinforce and continue the learning

3. Why This Session? The Problem The Solution
We’re all “stuck”: not achieving maximum results in some area:
Cost / quality / safety
Individual / team performance
Relationships (work or personal)
???
The Solution
Get to the root cause of these obstacles and achieve desired results

4. A Dysfunctional Team
Let’s watch a typical interaction between a team member and the team leader. Brittney is about to be asked to do something she thinks is impossible.

5. What Is a Crucial Conversation?

6. How Does She Do?
Let’s see how Brittney responds. What would you call her approach? What will the results be?

7. A Different Approach
Let’s give Brittney another chance. What would you call her approach this time? What will the results be?

8. We Toggle between Silence & Violence
Silence doesn’t work, so we get frustrated.
When we get too frustrated, we jump to violence.

9. We Make a Fool’s Choice
When facing a crucial conversation, we often feel like we have only 2 options for responding:
Silence
Violence
We are blind to the option of dialogue

10. Why?
This is your brain...
Most of the Time!

11. When it Matters Most, We Do the Worst
This is your brain during a crucial conversation.
“Fight or Flight” syndrome
leaves us to deal with the most complex and challenging conversations of our lives with the same set of skills we’d use to deal with a salivating predator.

12. We All Face Them… We face Crucial Conversations all the time…
Dealing with emotionally charged disagreements
Coaching a defensive direct report
Disagreeing with the boss when he / she sees only one side of an issue
Debriefing “what went wrong” with a defensive group
Discussing relationship concerns with a Significant Other
Helping others open up about problems / issues

13. ... Or See Results Poor Teamwork Mediocre Productivity
Diversity Challenges
Quality Problems
Strained Relationships
Lack of Results
Safety Concerns
Marriage Failure
And many more...
Law of Crucial Conversations: Anytime you find yourself stuck, there is a crucial conversation keeping you there.

14. Let’s listen as Joseph Grenny, one of the authors of Crucial Conversations, introduces the research behind it.

15. Activity: Where are YOU stuck?
On Your Worksheet:
What bad results do you want to fix?
Where good results are you unable to achieve?
What chronic problems are you always trying to fix?

16. Better Results
When we start having these conversations effectively, we will see our issues get solved and our results improve.

17. Crucial Conversation Skills
Hold the right conversation, to solve the real problem.
Stay focused on what you really want.
Watch for signs that safety is at risk.
Make it safe to talk about almost anything.
Take control of your emotions instead of losing your cool.
Speak persuasively, not abrasively.
Help others out of silence or violence.
Go from talking to getting results.

18. The Power of a Few Skills
What if Brittney were to bring Crucial Conversations skills to the same problem we saw earlier? Would a mere handful of skills make a real difference? Let’s see.

19. A Better Outcome
Brittney used Crucial Conversations skills and the conversation took a positive turn toward dialogue.
By using a few key skills, she helped set the company on a positive course that will save money and provide better customer service.

21. Get Unstuck The Problem: The Solution: Content Pattern Relationship
Just because you’re talking doesn’t mean you’re holding the right conversation
The Solution:
Unbundle using C-P-R:
Content
Pattern
Relationship

22. Hold the Right Conversation
Crucial Conversations can be handled at different levels:
Content – a single instance of a problem (may be the action itself or the immediate consequences)
Pattern – a recurring problem – a pattern of behavior
Relationship – how the problem is affecting your working relationship (i.e. trust is suffering or competence is in question)

23. Solve the Right Problem
We often get stuck because we focus on the wrong problem. More often than not, we get stuck on “Content” when we should be talking about the other levels.

24. What is the Real Issue?
Your boss is full of ideas. The problem is that she intimidates people by talking too much and too long, and with a great amount of force. Your team talked about her style and she agreed to back off a bit. But she just railroaded through her idea for a new project during another team meeting.
Content:
Pattern:
Relationship:

25. Activity: Get Unstuck On Your Worksheet:
Select 1 area you where you are “stuck”
Unbundle the issue with C-P-R
What is the right level for the conversation: Content, Pattern or Relationship?

26. STATE My Path The Problem: The Solution:
During crucial conversations we say things in exactly the wrong way
The Solution:
Learn five skills for saying risky things in a way that minimizes defensiveness

27. Five Steps for Talking: STATE
Share your Facts S
Tell Your Story T
Ask for Other’s Path A
Talk Tentatively
Encourage Testing E

28. Separate Facts From Stories
An actual occurrence
Something that can be proven by observation or measurement
What we actually saw and heard
Story:
Meaning we attach to facts
Judgments, conclusions, attributions that we make from the facts
What we think about what we saw or heard

29. Share Your Facts Start with what you saw and heard
You may need to include how what you saw and heard differs from your expectations
Example:
“I was expecting to receive this at 3 pm and it’s now 4 pm…”

30. Tell Your Story
Facts by themselves don’t always paint the whole picture
Fill in the gaps…help the other person understand why the facts you are sharing are a concern.
Example:
“I’m starting to think…”

31. Ask for Other’s Paths Ask other person to share his / her view
Invite the other person to share new ideas / information and to challenge your story
Effective Examples:
“How do you see it?”
“What’s your view?”
“Can you help me understand?”

32. STATE = What and How “What” “How”
The five STATE steps give you “what” and “how” skills for sharing your views
“What”
Share the Facts
Tell Your Story
Ask for Other’s Path
“How”
Talk Tentatively
Encourage Testing

33. STATE Skills in Action
Remember Brittney? She used the STATE skills in talking with Rick in the conversation we saw earlier. Let’s watch again to see STATE in action.

35. Is Your Organization Effective?
People surface issues– the toughest, most significant issues, even in situations where there are power differences
Teams get to agreement
Teams make better decisions with more available information
Teams act on decisions with unity and conviction
Teams produce results!

36. How much might this be costing you on an annual basis?
If Not, What’s The Cost?
What conversations are people in your organization not holding or not holding well?
What are the consequences to your results?
What does it cost when people don’t speak up and you don’t get the best ideas on the table?
What does it cost if people don’t act with unity and conviction because they don’t buy-in?
How much might this be costing you on an annual basis?

37. Want to Learn More? Free Resources:
Chapter One of Crucial Conversations
“What’s Your Style Under Stress?” personal assessment
Crucial Skills newsletter where the authors share tips and respond to readers’ questions
Website:

38. Want to Improve Skills? Classroom Training:
Participant Training Materials:
Participant Toolkit
Copy of Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking when Stakes are High
Audio Companion
Model Cards
Subscription to the Crucial Skills newsletter
Post-training online learning tools

39. Thank You! Kathy Moorefield City of Charlotte (NC)