1. Resilience Training for Basic Officer Leaders Course - B
Lesson 5
Trainer Notes:
Start the class by having the students Hunt the Good Stuff. Ask students to share something good that happened to them.
Remind them that daily recognition of good things that happen in their lives counters the negativity bias and promotes optimism, which is a key leadership attribute.

2. Building Strong Relationships
Resilience Training
Building Strong Relationships
Trainer Instructions:
Introduce the final lesson in the Building Strong Relationships block.

3. Communication Skill Set
Active Constructive Responding: Respond to others to build strong relationships.
Praise: Praise to build mastery and winning streaks.
Effective Communication: Communicate clearly and with respect.
Trainer Instructions:
Review the skills taught in previous lessons: ACR and Praise.
Copyright  2010 by The Trustees of the University of Pennsylvania. All rights reserved.

4. Effective Communication: B.L.U.F.
Effective Communication helps to build Connection.
Effective Communication helps you solve problems by remaining Confident, Clear, and Controlled.
Trainer Instructions:
Review the B.L.U.F. statements.
Ask for questions/comments.
Key Points:
Effective Communication helps to build Connection with others.
Effective Communication is Confident, Clear, and Controlled (the 3 Cs).
Copyright  2010 by The Trustees of the University of Pennsylvania. All rights reserved.

5. What makes communication effective or ineffective?
Communication Styles
What makes communication effective or ineffective?
Activity Instructions:
With the class as a whole, ask students for specific examples for what makes communication effective and ineffective.
Capture responses on flip chart or dry erase board.
Copyright  2010 by The Trustees of the University of Pennsylvania. All rights reserved.

6. Aggressive Communication
Must have the last word
Talking over the other person
Out of control emotion
Blaming
Talking down
Trainer Instructions:
Review points on slide and discuss those that do not come out during the activity.
Avoid labeling Aggressive Communication as bad. Instead focus on the outcome of Aggressive Communication and its effectiveness.
Key Points:
Aggressive Communication is often blaming, talking down, and not controlled or respectful.
Copyright  2010 by The Trustees of the University of Pennsylvania. All rights reserved.

7. Icebergs Beneath Aggressive Communication
Remember that icebergs are deeply seated, core beliefs.
The best defense is a strong offense.
You’ve got to be loud and strong if you want to win.
Never back down from a fight.
Any sign of weakness and you’ll be taken advantage of.
I want it and deserve it now! ??
Trainer Instructions:
Review Icebergs that might lead to Aggressive Communication and discuss.
Other examples include “my way or the highway”; “might makes right”; “people need lot’s of guidance”; “there can only be one winner”.
Common in younger Soldiers is the “entitlement” iceberg.
Copyright  2010 by The Trustees of the University of Pennsylvania. All rights reserved.

8. Passive Communication
Quiet
No eye contact
Withdrawn
Sulking
Submissive
Fearful
Appeasing
Trainer Instructions:
Review points on slide and discuss those that do not come out during the activity.
Avoid labeling Passive Communication as bad. Instead focus on the outcome of Passive Communication and its effectiveness.
Key Points:
Passive Communication is usually submissive, appeasing, fearful, and lacking in clarity.
Copyright  2010 by The Trustees of the University of Pennsylvania. All rights reserved.

9. Icebergs Beneath Passive Communication
I don’t really care. It doesn’t matter (Very common)
It’s wrong to complain.
I’ll make enemies if I speak my mind.
No one ever really changes anyway.
It’s more important that people like me, than to be right.
I don’t like conflict. ??
Trainer Instructions:
Review Icebergs that might lead to Passive Communication and discuss.
Others may include “the relationship means more to me than being right” and “I’ll be humiliated if I speak up”
Copyright  2010 by The Trustees of the University of Pennsylvania. All rights reserved.

10. Effective Communication (3 Cs)
Confident: You believe in your ability to handle the situation and are composed.
Clear: The message is easy to understand and is not exaggerated.
Controlled: You are “tracking” the other person and modulate yourself if necessary.
Trainer Instructions:
Review points on slide and discuss those that do not come out during the group discussion on communication styles.
Underscore the 3 C mnemonic to help the students remember the critical ingredients of Effective Communication.
Emphasize that the goal of this lesson is to increase students’ flexibility in communication so that they are able to choose and use the style of communication that is most appropriate in any given situation.
Key Points:
Effective Communication is Confident, Clear, and Controlled.
Important in dealing with family and colleagues (communication that works in combat or with your Platoon doesn't work at home)
Copyright  2010 by The Trustees of the University of Pennsylvania. All rights reserved.

11. Icebergs that Hinder the 3 Cs
I’m not that strong.
I’m not a good Soldier.
I don’t measure up. ??
Trainer Instructions:
Review Icebergs that might hinder Effective Communication and discuss.
Additional icebergs:
Conflict is bad.
I don’t have any authority
Copyright  2010 by The Trustees of the University of Pennsylvania. All rights reserved.

12. Icebergs that Promote the 3 Cs
We can work this out.
I trust you and respect you.
I can express myself clearly and confidently.
What I believe matters. ??
Trainer Instructions:
Review Icebergs that might promote Effective Communication and discuss.
Additional Icebergs that promote the 3 Cs
My ideas are important to be heard.
Copyright  2010 by The Trustees of the University of Pennsylvania. All rights reserved.

13. How do you approach the issue?
Suppose you have to confront someone about a problem…and you don’t expect it to be pleasant.
Some sample problems:
A classmate has been seen drinking and driving recently
Your roommate keeps borrowing your things without asking
Your spouse is spending too much money on things you do not think are important
Trainer Instructions:
You may use these examples to help explain the steps of the IDEAL model on the following slides.
As an alternative, have students identify a situation in which they expect to confront someone.

14. The IDEAL Model I = Identify and understand the problem.
D = Describe the problem objectively and accurately.
E = Express your concerns and how you feel (when appropriate).
A = Ask the other person for his/her perspective and then ask for a reasonable change.
L = List the outcomes.
Trainer Instructions:
Introduce the IDEAL Model for Effective Communication.
Underscore that the “I” in IDEAL is internal (i.e., the person’s thought process) and that before communicating anything, the person should first take time to accurately understand the problem.
Other resilience skills may be helpful in identifying and understanding the problem, particularly Problem Solving.
Instructor Note: In reference to “A = Ask the other person for his/her perspective and then ask for a reasonable change.” In relationships you may also offer what reasonable change you’re willing to make.
Copyright  2010 by The Trustees of the University of Pennsylvania. All rights reserved.

15. Tips for IDEAL I = Identify and understand the problem
ATC and check for Thinking Traps
Detect Icebergs (if necessary)
Problem Solving (if necessary)
Put It In Perspective (if necessary)
Ask yourself, “Am I ready?” “Is this the right time?”
Note: If you’re short on time, you may skip Tips for IDEAL (this plus next 3 slides) especially if students read them prior to class. However, this is a good method for integrating skills learned in previous lessons.
Trainer Instructions:
Review points on the slide and discuss.
This step focuses on Self-awareness.
Copyright  2010 by The Trustees of the University of Pennsylvania. All rights reserved.

16. Tips for IDEAL
Once you’ve identified the problem, then you can move to communication.
D = Describe the problem objectively and accurately
Who, what, when, where (Activating Event)
Specific, recent
Minimize exaggeration (avoid saying Always or Never)
E = Express your concerns and how you feel (when appropriate)
“I” rather than “you”
Minimize exaggeration
Trainer Instructions:
Review points on the slide and discuss.
Point out that the “who, what, when, where” in the “D” in IDEAL draws from the skill of ATC.
For “Describe”: Emphasize the importance of being specific and recent in the description of the problem. Being specific and recent grounds the conversation in something both parties can address.
Emphasize the importance of not exaggerating. Exaggeration causes the other person to say “I do not do that ALL the time!” and the conversation gets off track.
Using Always or Never language gives the other person a free pass to disagree with you.
For “Express”: Using “I” rather than “you” allows you to take responsibility rather than blaming someone else. (e.g. “I am concerned . . .” “I noticed that . . .”)
Copyright  2010 by The Trustees of the University of Pennsylvania. All rights reserved.

17. Tips for IDEAL A = Ask the other person for his/her perspective…
What and How questions, not Why questions
Repeat back what you heard to check that you’re hearing him/her accurately
…and then ask for a reasonable change
“Good Faith” test (reasonable, doable)
Work towards a win-win
Offer to make a change yourself (if appropriate)
Trainer Instructions:
Review points on the slide and discuss.
Point out that “What” and “How” questions vs. “Why” questions draws from the skill of Detect Icebergs.
Explain that the “good faith” test is to check that what you are asking is something that the other individual could in good faith agree to. For example, no one could in good faith agree to “Never say an unkind thing again.” They could in good faith agree to “Be more respectful of me and if you do or say something disrespectful, own up to it and apologize.”
Copyright  2010 by The Trustees of the University of Pennsylvania. All rights reserved.

18. Tips for IDEAL L = List the outcomes Positive rather than negative
Consider appropriateness
Trainer Instructions:
Review points on the slide and discuss.
Emphasize that rewards work better than punishments so naming a positive outcome is typically more effective than threatening a negative outcome. If you do mention negative outcomes, mention them last.
Copyright  2010 by The Trustees of the University of Pennsylvania. All rights reserved.

19. Effective Communication: Key Principles
Takes practice: Effective Communication takes practice.
Flexibility: Match your style of communication to the situation/person you are communicating with.
Skill, not personality: Communication styles are skills, not personality styles.
Retreat, refuel, return: Take a break from the conversation. Relax/rethink, then try again.
Trainer Instructions:
Review the key principles.
Ask for questions or comments.
Clarify any misconceptions.
Ask students if there are any other key principles they would add to the list.
Key Points:
Effective Communication helps to build the competency of Connection.
Effective Communication is a skill and takes practice.
You can choose which style of communication best fits the situation/context.
Copyright  2010 by The Trustees of the University of Pennsylvania. All rights reserved.

20. Communication Practice
Choose a difficult communication scenario from your own life.
Use the IDEAL model to develop your Effective Communication plan.
Total recommended time: 11 mins
Setup: 1 mins
Practice: 10 mins
Trainer Instructions:
Refer to Communications Scenario: IDEAL Model in the Student Handout.
Ask students to complete the IDEAL model with a current situation.
Resilience Training Instructions:
In pairs, students complete the IDEAL model with a personal situation.
Copyright  2010 by The Trustees of the University of Pennsylvania. All rights reserved.

21. Effective Communication: Check on Learning
What if you use Effective Communication and still don’t get what you want?
When is Effective Communication appropriate or not appropriate in the Army?
What gets in the way of Effective Communication?
How will your relationships benefit through the use of Effective Communication?
How will Effective Communication help you as a Leader?
Trainer Instructions:
Remind students that using Effective Communication doesn’t guarantee that you’ll get what you want. However, Effective Communication does help you express your concerns and what you want, even when you don’t reach the outcome you’d like or the other person doesn’t react in the way you wanted. What do you do? Depends on the situation (METT-TC). At least you should avoid burning bridges.
Discuss the application ideas generated by the students.
Point out that barriers can include thoughts or Icebergs that get in the way of Effective Communication, timing issues (e.g., it’s not the right time to have that conversation), or rank issues.
Refer students to the “One Sentence” page in the Student Guide. Have them write one sentence that captures the main point of the skill and will serve as a reminder of how to use the skill effectively.
Copyright  2010 by The Trustees of the University of Pennsylvania. All rights reserved.

22. Resilience Skills Recap
Trainer Instructions:
Introduce the final review.
The final review uses a common scenario to walk through application of the resilience skills.

23. A day in the life of a 2LT . . . a resilience training review
We’ll now review all the skills you’ve learned in BOLC-B Resilience training by using each of them in typical day a lieutenant may face.
Scenario. The CO has told you one of your primary tasks is to get your platoon in shape. Your Platoon Sergeant tells you that PFC Doughnut has failed the PT test and is slightly overweight. You blow a gasket and begin stomping around and yelling. What happens next . . .
Let’s take a look at how you can incorporate resilience skills in your daily life?

24. ATC That slug! The CO will think I can’t do my job.
What are your heat-of-the-moment thoughts?
What is the Activating Event?
PSG tells you that Doughnut failed PT test and is overweight.
Consequences
Using your resilience training, how would you ATC this?
Note: Slide starts with questions and builds with the AE, Thoughts, and ER. E: R:
What Emotions do you feel?
What are your Reactions?
Angry, anxious
Yell, stomp around
Adapted from: Copyright  2010 by The Trustees of the University of Pennsylvania. All rights reserved.

25. What Thinking Traps did you fall into? How can you avoid them?
PSG tells you that Doughnut failed PT test and is overweight.
Jumping to Conclusions:
Believing one is certain about a situation despite having little or no evidence to support it
Action: Slow down.
Critical Question: What is the evidence for and against my thoughts?
Mind Reading:
Assuming that you know what another person is thinking, or expecting another person to know what you are thinking
Action: Speak up.
Critical Question: Did I express myself? Did I ask for information?
Me, Me, Me:
Believing that you are the sole cause of every problem you encounter
Action: Look outward.
Critical Question: How did others and/or circumstances contribute?
Them, Them, Them:
Believing that other people or circumstances are the cause of every problem you encounter
Action: Look inward.
Critical Question: How did I contribute?
Always, Always, Always:
Believing that negative events are unchangeable and that you have little or no control over them
Action: Grab control.
Critical Question: What’s changeable? What can I control?
Everything, Everything, Everything:
Believing that you can judge a person’s or your own worth, motivation, or ability on the basis of a single situation (character assassination)
Action: Look at behavior.
Critical Question: What is the specific behavior that explains the situation?
Consequences
Jumping to Conclusions
Mind Reading
Me, Me, Me
Them, Them, Them
Always, Always, Always
Everything, Everything, Everything E: R:
Angry, anxious
Yell, stomp around
Adapted from: Copyright  2010 by The Trustees of the University of Pennsylvania. All rights reserved.
Copyright  2010 by The Trustees of the University of Pennsylvania. All rights reserved.

26. Icebergs What icebergs might you have? Some possibilities:
Overweight people are lazy.
Out of shape people are losers.
My Soldiers’ performance is a reflection of me.
Some possible icebergs:
Overweight people are lazy.
Out of shape people are losers.
My Soldiers’ performance is a reflection of me.

27. Energy Management
Sapped by your anger over PFC Doughnut’s situation you retreat to your office to rejuvenate yourself.
What techniques can you use?
Controlled Breathing
Mindful Breathing
Meditation
Positive Imagery
Progressive Muscle Relaxation
Mindful Breathing, for example:
Practice deep breathing
Take a normal breath, hold, and count to 5
Breathe out and focus on relaxation
Breathe in and out slowly in 10-second cycles
(or whatever is comfortable for you)
Focus attention
Keep bringing attention back to breathing
Practice builds attention capacity
Copyright  2010 by The Trustees of the University of Pennsylvania. All rights reserved.

28. Problem Solving
You counsel PFC Doughnut, and he says, “I can’t do this. I’ll never make weight.” How do you walk PFC Doughnut through Problem Solving?
Step 1: What’s the problem?
Step 2: What caused the problem?
Step 3: What did you miss?
Step 4: What’s the evidence?
Step 5: What really caused the problem?
Step 6: What can you do about it?
Slide builds.
What’s the problem? ATC: Activating Event - Doughnut failed PT test and is overweight.
What caused the problem? List heat-of-the-moment thought(s) about what caused the problem and pie chart those thought(s) so that the more the factor(s) contributed to the problem, the bigger the slice. A possible Doughnut thought, ‘I can’t do this.’
What did you miss? Use three Critical Questions to identify other factors that may have caused the problem.
How did others or circumstances contribute? You find out Doughnut’s family is overweight, they eat a lot of fried food, and don’t exercise. The apple didn’t fall far from the tree.
How did I contribute? Doughnut made no attempt to change his lifestyle.
What specific behaviors contributed to the problem? Eats lots of unhealthy food, plays video games during off time, does nothing physical unless required.
What is the evidence? Discuss the evidence for and against the factors you’ve identified in Steps 2 and 3. Record evidence you identify. Watch out for Confirmation Bias.
What really caused the problem? List the factors you found evidence to support, and pie chart the factors so that the more the factor(s) contributed to the problem, the bigger the slice. Put an asterisk next to factors you can control or influence. Doughnut can eat healthier foods, he can limit his time playing video games, and increase his physical activity.
What can you do about it? Ask his battle buddy to help him pick better food and not let him buy junk food all the time. Limit time playing video games & watching TV – start doing a little extra PT each day – or at least a few times a week.
Adapted from: Copyright  2010 by The Trustees of the University of Pennsylvania. All rights reserved.
Adapted from: Copyright  2010 by The Trustees of the University of Pennsylvania. All rights reserved.

29. Put it in Perspective During your counseling with PFC Doughnut states:
I’m afraid I won’t be able to lose the weight
I won’t be able to pass the PT test
I’ll get Chaptered out of the Army
You realize he is catastrophizing, so you use your Put It In Perspective skills with him. What are the steps?
Step 1: List worst case outcomes.
Step 2: List best case outcomes.
Step 3: List most likely outcomes.
Step 4: Identify plan for dealing with most likely.
Adapted from: Copyright  2010 by The Trustees of the University of Pennsylvania. All rights reserved.
Copyright  2010 by The Trustees of the University of Pennsylvania. All rights reserved.

30. Real-Time Resilience
Your CO, CPT Tough, finds out about PFC Doughnut’s situation. He calls you to his office, and begins peppering you with criticism. As you leave his office, you begin to be self-critical about how you let PFC Doughnut get so out of shape.
How would you use Real-Time Resilience?
How does it help?
Use the sentence starters:
Use evidence to prove the thought is false.
That’s not (completely) true because….
Generate a more optimistic way of seeing it.
A more optimistic way of seeing this is...
Put It In Perspective.
The most likely implication is… and I can…
How does RTR help?
It helps to build Optimism.
It involves proving your counterproductive thoughts false with evidence, thinking optimistically, and putting the situation in perspective.
Real-time Resilience is the skill of fighting back against counterproductive thoughts as soon as they occur so you remain task-focused and motivated.
Adapted from: Copyright  2010 by The Trustees of the University of Pennsylvania. All rights reserved.
Adapted from: Copyright  2010 by The Trustees of the University of Pennsylvania. All rights reserved.

31. Character Strength
The 1SG tells you he needs someone from your platoon to be the Army Emergency Relief (AER) rep. You consider who in your platoon would be a good fit for this mission.
What character strengths would you look for in an AER rep?
You realize that PFC Doughnut, although a bit overweight, is popular in the platoon and has great people skills. You call the 1SG and give him Doughnut’s name.
See Character Strengths below:
1. Wisdom and Knowledge Curiosity/interest Love of learning Judgment/critical thinking Originality/ingenuity/creativity
Perspective
4. Justice Citizenship/duty/loyalty/teamwork Equity/fairness Leadership
2. Courage Valor Industry/perseverance Integrity/honesty Zest/enthusiasm
5. Temperance Forgiveness/mercy Modesty/humility Self-control/self-regulation Prudence/caution
3. Love Capacity to love and be loved Kindness/generosity/nurturance Social intelligence
6. Transcendence Appreciation of excellence and beauty Gratitude Hope/optimism Humor/playfulness Religiousness/sense of purpose
Adapted from: Copyright  2010 by The Trustees of the University of Pennsylvania. All rights reserved.
Copyright VIA® 2007 All Rights Reserved

32. It looks like your PT program is really paying off.
ACR and Praise
A week later PFC Doughnut comes to you to say he has 100% of the platoon signed up for AER donations , and he made weight at this morning’s weigh-in. Remembering your ACR and Praise resilience skills, you realize this is an opportunity to help PFC Doughnut capitalize on a positive experience.
Constructive
Destructive
Good job, Doughnut!
How did you do it?
It looks like your PT program is really paying off.
Did you pressure people to donate?
It’s about time you lost some weight. When are you going to take the PT test again?
All right. Thanks.
I’m headed to a training meeting . . .
Active
Trainer Instructions:
Ask students to provide each type of response. The slide builds starting with Passive-Constructive and moving counterclockwise.
Ask students for examples of Effective Praise. When you recognize someone and offer praise, name the specific strategy, effort, or skill that led to the good outcome. It just takes another sentence.
Naming strategy does three things:
Demonstrates you were really watching
Demonstrates authenticity
Enables winning streaks
Example of Effective Praise for PFC Doughnut: “You must have worked hard to get everyone to contribute so quickly.” Better yet, Ask PFC Doughnut how he got everyone signed up and how he made weight, then praise the strategies or effort he indicated.
Passive
Adapted from: Copyright  2010 by The Trustees of the University of Pennsylvania. All rights reserved.
Adapted from: Copyright  2010 by The Trustees of the University of Pennsylvania. All rights reserved.

33. Effective Communication
Even though PFC Doughnut has made weight, you notice your platoon sergeant, SFC Rock, is still riding him. You decide to talk to SFC Rock. Remembering your 3 C’s, you prepare to talk to him using the IDEAL model. I = Identify and understand the problem. D = Describe the problem objectively and accurately. E = Express your concerns and how you feel (when appropriate). A = Ask the other person for his/her perspective and then ask for a reasonable change. L = List the outcomes.
Trainer Instructions:
Have students give examples of how they would use the IDEAL model in this situation.
Adapted from: Copyright  2010 by The Trustees of the University of Pennsylvania. All rights reserved.
Copyright  2010 by The Trustees of the University of Pennsylvania. All rights reserved.

34. Resilience Success Story
Due to your superb leadership and use of resilience skills, PFC Doughnut is soon promoted to Specialist and wins the Post Soldier of the Quarter competition.
SFC Rock, seeing the Resilience Light, asks to attend the Master Resilience Trainer Course.
Your battalion commander, LTC Smart, recognizes you at a battalion formation by giving you a battalion coin and an Army Commendation Medal.
Trainer Notes:
Reinforce with the students that using resilience skills can foster leadership success.

35. Resilience Skills Effective Communication Character Strengths
Real-time
Resilience:
Shut down
counterproductive
Thinking to enable
greater concentration and focus on the task at hand.
Put It In Perspective:
Stop catastrophic thinking, reduce anxiety, and improve problem solving by identifying the Worst, Best, and Most Likely outcomes of a situation.
ACR and Praise
Hunt the Good Stuff
Problem Solving:
Accurately identify what caused the problem and identify solution strategies.
Trainer Notes:
As a final review, remind the students of the skills covered in the preceding resilience lessons.
Energy Management:
Regulate emotion and energy levels to enable critical thinking and optimal performance.
Detect Icebergs:
Identify deep beliefs and core values that fuel out-of-proportion emotion and evaluate the accuracy and usefulness of these beliefs.
Avoid Thinking Traps:
Identify and correct counterproductive patterns in thinking through the use of Critical Questions.
ATC:
Identify your Thoughts about an Activating Event and the Consequences of those Thoughts.
Copyright  2010 by The Trustees of the University of Pennsylvania. All rights reserved.

36. Resilient people bounce, not break.
You Not You
Trainer Instructions:
The point of the resilience lessons is to ensure that you are the tennis ball and not the egg.
As resilient leaders, you not only set the example, you can share the skills to help develop resilience in your Soldiers.
Copyright  2010 by The Trustees of the University of Pennsylvania. All rights reserved.
Copyright  2010 by The Trustees of the University of Pennsylvania. All rights reserved.

37. Resilient people bounce, not break.
Inside of a ring or out, ain't nothing wrong with going down. It's staying down that's wrong.
~ Muhammed Ali
Quote source: