1. Interpersonal Communication
Listening in
Interpersonal Communication

2. The Importance of Listening
Professional benefits
Personal benefits
Learn
Relate
Influence
Play
Help

3. The Process of Listening
Listening is a five stage process; the stages overlap and are performed simultaneously
Listening is never perfect
Listening is a skill that can be improved
Listening is not the same thing as hearing

4. The Process of Listening (cont.)
Stage 1: Receiving – the physiological, passive process of hearing vibrations around you.
Ways to improve receiving
Focus your attention- what is said/what isn’t said?
Avoid distractions
Maintain your role as listener

5. The Process of Listening (cont.)
Stage 1: Receiving
Disclaimers – statements you make to listeners so your message won’t be interpreted negatively
Hedging (“I may be wrong here, but…”)
Credentialing
Sin licenses
Cognitive disclaimers (“I know you’ll think I’m crazy, but…”)
Appeals for suspension of judgment

6. The Process of Listening (cont.)
Stage 2: Understanding - you learn what the speaker’s thoughts and emotions mean
Ways to improve understanding
Avoid assuming you understand (before the speaker finishes)
See the speaker’s messages from the speaker’s point of view
Ask questions for clarification
Rephrase or paraphrase

7. The Process of Listening (cont.)
Stage 3: Remembering
You remember not what was said, but what you remember was said
Memory is reconstructive, not reproductive
Short term memory
Long term memory

8. The Process of Listening (cont.)
Stage 3: Remembering
Ways to improve remembering
Focus your attention on central ideas
Organize material into categories or chunks
Relate new information to information you already know
Repeat key names or concepts to yourself

9. The Process of Listening (cont.)
Stage 4: Evaluating – consciously or unconsciously judging the message
Ways to make better critical judgments
Resist evaluating until you fully understand the speaker’s point of view
Separate facts from the speaker’s opinion or viewpoint

10. The Process of Listening (cont.)
Stage 4: Evaluating
Ways to make better critical judgments
Identify speaker’s bias, slant or self-interest
Recognize fallacies in reasoning
Name calling
Testimonial
Bandwagon

11. The Process of Listening (cont.)
Stage 5: Responding – giving immediate or delayed feedback to the speaker on what you think and how you feel about the message
Ways to improve responding
Support the speaker with listening cues
Take responsibility for what you say; use I-statements and avoid anonymity

12. The Process of Listening (cont.)
Stage 4: Evaluating
Ways to make better critical judgments
Resist responding to the speaker’s feelings by trying to solve their problems
Focus on the other person
Avoid being a “thought-completer” listener

13. Listening Barriers Physical and mental distractions
Biases and prejudices
Lack of appropriate focus
Irrelevant details
Only what relates to you
Listen on in order to counter or reply
Premature judgment

14. Culture, Gender and Listening
Three cultural differences influence listening
Language, meanings, and accents
Nonverbal behaviors
Display rules – cultural rules that govern what nonverbal displays are appropriate
Is direct or indirect feedback more appropriate?

15. Culture, Gender and Listening (cont.)
Gender differences influence listening
Women listen to build rapport and relationships (rapport talk); men listen to build respect with knowledge and expertise (report talk)
Listening cues - women give obvious listening cues, men listen more quietly; women appear to listen more than men.

16. Culture, Gender and Listening (cont.)
Gender differences influence listening
Amount and purpose
Men listen to women less than women listen to men
Listening indicates subordinate status
Men’s questions are argumentative and competitive, women’s are supportive
Research is conflicting
Gender roles are changing

17. Styles of Effective Listening
Empathic and objective listening
Empathic listening – listen to feel the other’s feelings, fully understand the other’s meaning; usually the preferred mode of listening
Objective listening – measure someone’s feelings against objective reality

18. Styles of Effective Listening (cont.)
Adjusting your empathic and objective listening
Engage in equal, two-way conversation
(ex. Step from behind the podium separating you from your employees)
Seek to understand both thought and feeling
Avoid “offensive” listening (listening to find fault)
Strive to be objective (from friends and foes alike)

19. Styles of Effective Listening (cont.)
Nonjudgmental and critical listening
Nonjudgmental listening – listen with an open mind toward understanding, while suspending judgment
Critical listening – listening to analyze and evaluate messages

20. Styles of Effective Listening (cont.)
Adjusting your nonjudgmental and critical listening:
Keep an open mind and avoid prejudging
Avoid filtering out and oversimplifying complex messages
Recognize your own biases; watch for assimilation
Avoid sharpening (overemphasizing a word/phrase/idea in your mind)
Recognize the fallacies of language

21. Styles of Effective Listening (cont.)
Surface and depth listening
Surface listening – listening to the literal meaning of words and sentences
Depth listening – listening to underlying message about the person’s feelings and needs
ex. Claire asks how you like her new haircut.
Surface: Do you like the haircut?
Depth: Claire is asking you to say something positive about her appearance.
ex. The child who talks about the unfairness of other children in the playground may be asking for comfort and love.

22. Styles of Effective Listening (cont.)
Surface and depth listening (cont.)
Regulating your nonjudgmental and critical listening:
Focus on both verbal and nonverbal messages
Listen for both content and relational messages
Make special note of self-referential statements – statements referring back to speaker
Don’t disregard surface or literal meaning

23. Styles of Effective Listening (cont.)
Polite and impolite listening
Avoid interrupting the speaker
Give supportive listening cues
Show empathy with the speaker
Maintain eye contact
Give positive feedback

24. Styles of Effective Listening (cont.)
Active listening - sending back to speaker what you think he or she meant in both content and feelings
Check your understanding of what speaker said and meant
Let speaker know you acknowledge and accept their feelings and
Helps speaker further explore their thoughts and feelings

25. Styles of Effective Listening (cont.)
Avoid solution messages in active listening
Ordering messages
Warning and threatening messages
Preaching and moralizing messages
Advising messages

26. Styles of Effective Listening (cont.)
Techniques of active listening
Paraphrase speaker’s meaning
Express understanding of speaker’s feelings
Ask questions