1. PLEASE TAKE OUT THE FOLLOWING: YOUR ROUGH DRAFT A HIGHLIGHTER A PEN
Argument Revision
PLEASE TAKE OUT THE FOLLOWING:
YOUR ROUGH DRAFT
A HIGHLIGHTER
A PEN

2. Review your THESIS.
Underline your subordinate clause in the thesis-this is where you address the CONCESSION (your qualifying phrase).
In the independent clause, does your CLAIM answer the prompt?
Do you have words or synonyms from the prompt in your claim? Highlight them.

3. Review your TOPIC SENTENCES.
Place a box around your topic sentences.
Now, highlight words in the topic sentences that are synonyms for words in the thesis. If you can’t do this, you don’t have a topic sentence that supports the thesis.
Are your topic sentences repetitive or do they provide various perspectives on the prompt?
In the margins beside each topic sentence, write a quick reflection on what that topic sentence claims that the others do not.

4. Review your EVIDENCE. In the body paragraph, underline the evidence.
If your evidence is longer than 3 sentences, it is too long.
Make a note to cut it.
Do you provide transition phrases such as, “For example…” when you introduce the evidence?
Does your evidence support the topic sentence?
Do you provide multiple examples of evidence, and if so, do they build upon one another?

5. Review your Commentary.
Is your commentary argument/analysis, or is it a summary of your evidence?
Do you use words like “if…then…so” to transition from evidence and further your commentary?
If you answered YES to the above two bullet points, then highlight your commentary.
If you answered NO, you need to rewrite.

6. PEER EDIT- Thesis Statement
You will receive a peer’s paper– Write your NAME on the BOTTOM OF YOUR PARTNER’S ESSAY.
LOOK AT THE THESIS STATEMENT:
PUT A SQUARE □ AROUND THE WORDS THAT DIRECTLY STATE A CLAIM.
PUT A CHECKMARK NEXT TO THE WORDS THAT DIRECTLY ADDRESS THE OPPOSING VIEWPOINT.
UNDERLINE THE SUBORDINATING CONJUNCTION (IF IT ISN’T ALREADY).
IF ANY OF THESE ARE MISSING OR ARE UNCLEAR, put an X AT THE END OF THE SENTENCE AND TELL THEM WHAT THEY ARE MISSING AND/OR NEEDS REVISION.

7. PEER EDIT: TOPIC SENTENCE
Does the topic sentence ADDRESS A SPECIFIC POINT AND CONNECT TO THE THESIS?
Does the topic sentence contain a synonym from the thesis?
If the topic sentence contains both requirements put a P by the sentence.
If one or more of the requirements are missing, put an x by the topic sentence and write what is missing in the margin. You may feel like the topic sentence has no connection to thesis…explain why!

8. PEER EDIT- COMMENTARY
COMMENTARY SENTENCES: LOOK AT EACH OF THE COMMENTARY SENTENCES and make sure that:
THE SENTENCE SPECIFICALLY EXPLAINS HOW THE EVIDENCE PROVES THE POINT THE WRITER IS MAKING IN THE THESIS-THIS POINT SHOULD BE CLEAR IN THE TOPIC SENTENCE.
THE SENTENCE EFFECTIVELY PROVES THAT THE EVIDENCE SUPPORTS THE SPECIFIC ARGUMENT IN THE TOPIC SENTENCE
IF THE COMMENTARY SENTENCES MEET BOTH REQUIREMENTS, PUT A P AFTER THE SENTENCE.
IF THE CM DOES NOT MEET BOTH REQUIREMENTS, PUT AN O AFTER THE SENTENCE AND TELL YOUR PARTNER WHAT IS MISSING IN THE MARGIN.

9. Grammar, Usage, Mechanics
The writer uses correct grammar: IF YOU AS THE READER ARE CONFUSED BY A SENTENCE, UNDERLINE AND WRITE “AWKWARD.”
The writer uses correct punctuation, capitalization, and spelling.
The language of the analysis addresses the intended audience and purpose and conveys the appropriate tone (formal) – No I, you, me, we.
Put an X over the words: this, that, and by.
No contractions! Can’t, won’t, don’t, etc.

10. Passive Voice
Passive voice is when the noun or noun phrase that would be the object of an active sentence (such as Our troops defeated the enemy) appears as the subject of a sentence or clause in the passive voice (e.g. The enemy was defeated by our troops).
The use of “to be” verbs often cause this type of construction. Eliminate them!
Is, am, are, was, were, be, been, being

11. Passive Voice Continued
Once you know what to look for, passive constructions are easy to spot. Look for a form of “to be” (is, are, am , was, were, has been, have been, had been, will be, will have been, being) followed by a past participle.
(The past participle is a form of the verb that typically, but not always, ends in “-ed.”
Here’s a sure-fire formula for identifying the passive voice:
form of “to be” + past participle = passive voice
For example:
The metropolis has been scorched by the dragon’s fiery breath.
When her house was invaded, Penelope had to think of ways to delay her remarriage.

12. Introductions and Conclusions
Does the introduction go from universal idea to transitional sentence to thesis? Make notes accordingly.
Does the conclusion go from specific claim to transitional sentence to a universal idea? Make notes accordingly.

13. Sample Paragraph
Even though “Speak” contains mature subject matter, the story illustrates the social and psychological effects of rape, thus proving its importance.
“Speak” follows the protagonist’s journey through rape, ultimately convincing viewers that society must address this issue. In the film, Melinda Sordino withdraws from her peers during her freshman year, due to being raped the summer after 8th grade. Sadly, too many females experience a fate similar to Melinda’s. Many girls would feel compelled to keep rape a secret, but this film proves that keeping rape a secret only further harms the victim. Melinda loses touch with her family and friends because she feels she has no one to turn to. Socially, rape is still something taboo, and many girls may feel like it is their fault. The psychological effects would be long lasting as well. When victims feel like they can’t share their secret, they become withdrawn and ultimately depressed, which can have dangerous outcomes. Despite the fact that this film contains violent scenes, it is important that victims of rape know there is a better way to deal with the social and psychological issues.
In the film, Melinda presumably considers suicide, a dangerous psychological response to rape . At one point in the movie, Melinda is in art class and draws a picture of a noose in a tree. The viewer can infer that she wants to kill herself because she has no friends or family to talk to. Even though some very young viewers may not be able to handle this mature scene or even understand its meaning, high school viewers are old enough to understand and realize the traumatizing effects rape can cause.

14. Body Paragraph Format to Consider…
Topic sentence: Broad/universal concept containing “word glue” to connect it to the thesis.
Lead in/evidence: Transition to evidence. Evidence should be no longer than words.
If, then, so…
Lead in/evidence: Second piece of evidence that further exemplifies the point made with the first piece of evidence.
1-3 elaboration sentences that further discuss the broad concept—one of these sentences should be a qualified statement that addresses the opposing viewpoint on the specific paragraph topic.
Clincher sentence: Sums up the discussion/connects back to topic sentence.

15. Remember…