1. Spring Board 4.8 Deleting Wordiness RADaR Revisions

2. Deleting Wordiness:
Wordiness is often the result of idea development and often appears in initial drafting. Although it is important for writers to have a “fat draft” with which to work, they must learn to trim wordy passages in the final draft.

3. Common Wordiness: Sentences beginning with there and it
Overuse of the passive voice
Unnecessary repetition
Empty or “dead” words and phrases
Practice independently on page 260

4. Unnecessary words that repeat in meaning:
Pink in color
Small in size
True facts
Period in time
Past memories
Of cheap quality
Often times
Future plans
Honest in character
Terrible tragedy
End result
Various differences
Free gift
Very unique
In a confused state
Past history
For the reason that
* With your partner discuss how the examples show wordiness and how to correct it.

5. Passive Voice:
A passive voice is when the subject of the sentence is acted on by the verb.
Example: The ball was thrown by the pitcher
Correct: The pitcher threw the ball
Practice together
Example: The gerbil was eaten by the dog.
The committee was led by a PTO member.
The device was operated by a sophisticated set of robotics.

6. Correcting Wordiness:
Read the paragraph on page 261 with your shoulder partner, highlight as many examples of wordiness as you can find. Then on rewrite the paragraph eliminating the wordiness without changing the meaning of the sentences.
Revisit your draft and correct any wordiness.

7. RADaR Revisions Replace Add Delete Reorder Words that are not specific
Words that are overused
Sentences that are unclear
Add
New information
Descriptive adjectives and adverbs
Transitions to show movement between ideas
Rhetorical or literary devices (Cat Claws)
Delete
Unrelated ideas
Sentences that sound good but do not make sense
Repeated words, phrases, or ideas
Unnecessary details
Reorder
So most important points stand out
To make better sense or flow better
So details support the main ideas
RADaR
Revisions