1. Let’s be honest, there are more Java Villains than Java Champions
Getting the job done without Best Practices since . . .
With
Ken Fogel

3. A developer who gets the job done but isn’t encumbered with such annoying concepts as “Best Practices” or “Separation of Concerns”.
What is a Java Villain?

4. Once upon a time . . . Given that
“Users expect software to crash. To become a software god write your code to never crash!”
Corollary
“A wrong answer is better than no answer because the program crashed”
Once upon a time . . .

5. Villainous Software Patterns
Walmart Pattern
Kitchen Sink Pattern
One loop to rule them all Pattern
Simpleton Pattern

6. SOLID is for champions, MESS is for real developers
Multiple Responsibility Principle
Egregious Open Principle
Simply Abstract Principle
Sharing Interface Principle

7. Villainous Design Principles
Rather than Separation of Concerns use Stream of Consciousness. Don’t mind the rocks.

8. Naming Identifiers the Villainous Way

9. Exceptions belong in a program’s logic
// This is how we do it public static Boolean isEqual(int a, int b) { try { int c = 1 / (a - b); } catch (ArithmeticException e) { return true; } return false; * Found on Reddit
Exceptions belong in a program’s logic

10. Don’t be Agile, be Limber!
You don’t need code reviews or scrums if your code is Limber.
Limber code is code where any change has a dramatic effect.
No time to waste on meetings when your code is Limber!

11. What are the two best methods to code?
main
If this is where it all begins then why ever leave
Constructor
The main method of classes
What are the two best methods to code?

12. Time to play “Invent an Exception”
java.lang.OutOfYourMind
java.lang.NothingToSeeHereMoveAlong
java.lang.Misteak
java.lang.BobFault
java.lang.OutOfCoffee

13. Let’s not forget how main should be coded.
public static void main(String[] args) { while (true) { try { // You can never be certain when an exception can // show up so everything goes into the try break; // No exceptions encountered to get here } catch (Exception ex) { // Exception encountered so let’s start over again }

14. Built-in Java Villainy
No unsigned integers
IoT be dammed.
Half Generics
Good thing nothing important happens at run-time.
Date
Really, really, its time to put it out of its misery.
Built-in Java Villainy

15. Whose fault is it?
Although their recent announcement that they are joining the Open Invention Network is seriously hurting their villainous street cred.

16. Montreal Developers Lined Up at the SQDC
Society of Quebec Developers who are Cool
Mellow Coding
* Actually the Société québécoise du cannabis

17. Who are the Java Villains?
We all are!

18. Who am I?
Co-Chair & Co-Program Coordinator of the Computer Science Technology Program at Dawson College, Montreal
Instructor in the Computer Institute of Concordia University
Blogger at and on DZone
Frequent Tweeter on
Speaker at JavaOne from
Speaker at Code One in 2018
Speaker at ApacheCon in 2018
Organizer of DawsCon, free one day conference in Montreal on January 11, 2019