1. Stress --> Use it Or And Lose it!
Permian Basin Counseling&
Consultation Services –
Dr. Thomas Stanger
Stress --> Use it Or And Lose it!
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2. Stress The Good—the Bad—And the Ugly
Stress is a bad thing—right?
Well, it sure can be.
BUT it is one of the reasons why you are here today and reading this screen. Without a “stress” response in times of threat or danger, homo sapiens may not have survived as a species.
As a matter of fact, stress is sometimes a very good thing!
Let Me Explain…

3. Stress Can be quite useful if you want to…
Perform at your peak level.
Fight for your life.
Run for your life.
Do something super.
Put Quite simply  stress is your mind-body preparing for an activity that requires extreme, i.e. greater than normal, energy/performance. The ultimate would be a life or death situation. Except then, we don’t call it stress any more— we’d use terms like fight or flight, adrenaline rush, etc.
Let Me Illustrate…

4. In very extreme situations…
You could think of stress as a general arousal level—mental and physical—on a scale of 1 – 10. A zero would not be desirable, or attainable (that would mean you were dead). A ten would not be desirable in most circumstances in life, but it might be.
In very extreme situations…

5. For example, if you wanted to compete with some of the world’s greatest athletes, you might want a somewhat greater than average arousal level, say 6 – 8.

6. Or if you were fighting to save the human race, you might want an even greater arousal level, say 7 – 9.

7. Or if you were running for your life, you might even want to get close to a 10…

8. When action is over, that is a cue
You would be glad for every ounce of bio-psychological arousal if you were fighting to save humanity or running for your life. The difference between this type of arousal and the “bad” kind—what we usually call stress—a couple of simple, yet VERY crucial elements. In a truly dire situation:
The pumped-up-ness can be used to take positive action. (Psychologists and other scientists actually have funny terms for this, but they’re not very funny.)
When action is over, that is a cue
for your mind-body to wind down to a more desirable level of arousal.

9. For example, if you were trying to jump higher than most mere mortals, you might gear up to a 9 or even 10 when in the act. Afterwards, you’d experience some release, and calm down to a lower level, say maybe 5 or 6, that better fits the demands required by a lower-demand situation once the action is complete.

10. Now this is where it gets BAD!
If your mind-body
is geared up to take extreme action, and there is nowhere to run or jump, you get…

11. S-T-R-E-S-S

12. And this is where it gets Ugly!
If your mind-body
is prepared for battle, and there is no way to fight or anywhere to run, and escape seems impossible (psychologically or physically ), you get…

13. Panic Attack!

14. Excitement Panic Attack Or
Excitement and stress-anxiety-panic are really very similar reactions (to different extremes). One critical difference is whether you are able to use the mind-body arousal. Or have you built up more “pumped-up-ness” in a situation than you can use productively?
Excitement
Panic Attack Or

15. Well there is some good news— A bit more explanation…
So, how does this happen that your mind-body gets aroused to do or die, when all you have is to do?
Well there is some good news—
and some bad news…
The bad news is that it is all in your head (and by association, your body as well).
And the good news is that it is all in your head and…
More good news  you can learn to focus your mind in a way that you can control your arousal level, or at least lower it.
Even more good news  if you practice, you can learn to get a calming response quickly, when you need/want it.
And yet more good news  you can feel better about yourself and what you do…
A bit more explanation…

16. First: The Time Traveling issue…
At times when you are stressing out, I could predict that there are a few things you are doing that are causing distress… and therefore can learn to do differently.
Time traveling.
Bad coaching—being critical or negative when being your best calls for encouragement or support.
Imagining things (and not good ones)!
Focusing on What You Do Not Want
Practicing a stress imbalance.
First: The Time Traveling issue…

17. The time machine can take you one of 2 places—
the Past--
the Future--
And this is what you might get…

18. And here’s what happens…
You press
And here’s what happens…
You start thinking about things like…
Recalling past failures…instances that validated the notion that bad things always happen…things that you think you messed up…mistakes made…negative things others thought about you…areas of weakness…things that seemed to turn out not good enough…anything that seemed to have gone wrong…what you or others might have interpreted as your fault…etc., etc., etc.
You press
And here’s what happens…
You start thinking about things like…
Imagining future failures…accidents that could happen…things that you could mess up…mistakes that could be made…any negative judgments that others or yourself might make…areas of possible weakness exposed…ways that you might not be as good as expected…anything that could go wrong…what you could be blamed for…etc., etc., etc.

19. Next  Focusing on What You Do
Not Want
Ever heard don’t worry, don’t stress? Well intentioned, but helpful? Probably not. Let me illustrate!
Now this is where you need to concentrate…
Concentrate very hard on not thinking about a purple elephant…don’t think of the color purple or an elephant…don’t imagine how strange it would be to see a huge purple elephant walking across town.
Now what have I asked you to do?

20. I just made it more likely that you would think about a purple elephant.

21. de-motivating…discouraging…
Next  the Coaching Issue…
Think about the kinds of things you say or think to yourself when you are stressing vs. when you are feeling calm and confident. If you are stressing out, it’s a good bet that some of the ideas are negative… blaming…highlighting weaknesses…past or future shortcomings…
de-motivating…discouraging…
Allow me to illustrate…

22. Now, could you imagine?... Michael’s coach saying this?…
Now Michael, our whole season is on the line and we only have time for one tough shot. Remember that shot you took the last game—it was such an easy one, and you missed it! I hope you don’t do that again. You’ve been playing poorly today; your shooting has been so bad that you are making me a wreck! I’m not sure I even like you any more! Maybe I shouldn’t let you take the shot—your last shot was so bad I’m afraid you’ll screw up again. What if you blow it??? The team and all of our fans would be so terribly disappointed with you for ruining our whole season! So don’t think about the pressure, but don’t dare miss! Imagine how absolutely awful that would be!

23. How are you Coaching your self?
Think about it…
What kinds of things might a first rate coach be saying instead? What kind of messages would foster motivation—your best shot at success??? The answer tells you the kind of messages you want to think/imagine/say to yourself! Which of these 2 images would you want in your own head? Are you coaching yourself towards Success?
Or Something Else???

24. What does matter is that whether you focus on success,
Some people think that it is more realistic to think about
the possibility of screwing up. Maybe—but that doesn’t matter.
What does matter is that whether you focus on success,
or you focus on failure  you make it more likely to happen.

25. One Last Thought Exercise… If you will lend me your Imagination…
Imagine taking a deep bite of a large, very tart, very juicy lemon slice. Imagine that it is cold and oozing with juice, and that the juice is swirling around your tongue and your teeth and gums. Take a moment to focus on this picture and imagine sinking your teeth into this lemon slice, and feel the texture of the pulp and the sensation of the tart, cool juice swirling around all through your mouth.

26. If you have a good imagination, you probably found yourself salivating
If you have a good imagination, you probably found yourself salivating. This mind-body connection is a simple reminder that your mind is a powerful and complex tool. It is well worth your investment to make sure that your mental focus works for you – not against you!
When you think about the worst that could happen, you are giving your mind-body the message to respond to the worst. You may know in your head that the situation is not really life or death, but your body/survival instinct does not necessarily know how much real threat exists—only that there is danger. This is what the message might sound like…

27. This is what your body might hear if it were in words:
STRESS OUT!
This is what your body might hear if it were in words:
There is a potential catastrophe coming—gear up to meet the threat. Heart pump harder to give extra nutrients to my cells. Breathe fast and shallow to oxygenate my muscles to be more efficient. Sweat more to cool me off in case I have to run or fight hard. Produce more adrenaline and cortisol so I can react stronger and faster. Muscles tense so that you are ready for action. Stress hormones and other neurochemicals boost up too because this could be a life or death situation and we must be ready for anything! Brain, kick into hyper gear so that I can make quick decisions—think fast; obsess on any potential dangers in the environment—my survival could depend on it; focus only on possible threats—I must survive!

28. That would be great if you were doing this…
But not so great if you were doing this…where an arousal level of 2 or 3 is where Allison can take her best shot.

29. Solutions Please

30. The Serenity Injunction
There is a saying that has been passed on from many generations past, attributed to many different people and times. I do not know the truth of just where it came from, but I think the person who came up with it must have been pretty smart. It goes something like this…
Grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the Courage to change the things I can, and the Wisdom to know the difference.
If you practiced this in all the stress full areas of your life until you got very good at it, you’d be more serene for sure.

31. Present Time Traveling So, you need to add a button
When your mental energy is focused on the past or the future, your concentration and energy are focused on things that you cannot control (unless you really do have a time machine). That typically involves situations where you would like to do something, but cannot—so you add feeling helpless to the tangle.
The present is, in reality, the only place we can do anything useful.
We can think about past mistakes in order to do something better in the present.
We can think about the future in order to avoid mistakes or poor decisions, to add motivation and meaning to present efforts. But it all ties back to how your thinking and attitude influences present experience and one’s ability to act effectively.
So, you need to add a button
to your time machine
Present

32. MAIN MESSAGE  When in doubt—
Another O-L-D saying
Tomorrow is a mystery, and yesterday is history; but now is a gift and that’s why they call it the PRESENT.
Remember when you are stressing you are preparing your mind-body for action. Bring your focus back to what you can do now to something about which you can take action.
MAIN MESSAGE  When in doubt—
Do -- Don’t Stew

33. Focusing on what You Do not Want or are afraid will happen
If your mental energy is focused on what you fear could happen, you are more likely to get more of just that.
We can think about what we don’t want to happen as a means to help clarify what we want to do about it.
Thinking about what we fear can help us focus more on what we hope to do better. But the latter is your destination.
Don’t think about purple elephants…
Bring your focus back to what you do want to make happen. Recognize that your mind is a powerful tool; your mental focus has a strong influence on the outcome. Whether you think positive or negative, you are setting forces in motion to move you in that direction.

34. Bad Coaching
Being hard on someone—pointing out flaws, deficiencies, inadequacies, ways one is not as good as they could be—can be useful IF it serves as a challenge that motivates the person to do better.
However being harsh may do just the opposite if a person is already in a slump, feeling unsure of themselves, doubting their abilities.
Listen to the messages you are giving yourself or taking in from others. Honestly assess if they are really the most helpful to achieve your best.

35. Good Coaching Really listen 
Ask yourself: Are your attitudes and thoughts what you would tell your best friend, a person you genuinely cared about and wanted to do well? If the message is discouraging or diminishing your motivation and your confidence, then get clear on your intentions and modify the message so that you encourage your personal needs and goals.
The suggestions that you give yourself have at least as great an effect as what you say to or hear from others. It is well worth the effort to attend to the quality of your self-coaching (a.k.a. self-talk)—good or bad, so too shall go the direction of your performance—with self esteem in close tow.

36. Imagining Things
Imagination can be a wonderful tool; thinking outside the box can enable us to build better boxes.
Imagining a desirable vision of the future can be a good thing if it motivates and empowers action toward building a better future.
Imagining catastrophe, or the worst case scenario, can even have its place if it leads us to take action towards preventing it.
Mental rehearsal is a natural and useful ability. Again, it is important to evaluate what you are rehearsing for. Are you practicing failure scenarios, or empowering ones? Are you tying yourself up with “What If”-ing? If so, you may be suffering many negative outcomes in your mind  Whereas when you focus on the goal, even if the worst scenario came to pass (and usually it doesn’t anyhow), you’d suffer only once.

37. Practicing a Stress imbalance
Stress is a very useful response, or it wouldn’t have survived within the human gene pool! Especially in the fast pace of modern life, it can be very advantageous to be moving at a hundred miles an hour, thinking fast, working hard and long to accomplish important tasks.
However—just like humans need sleep to recover and rejuvenate from the day’s activities—so too do people need to balance periods of relaxation to recover from periods of stress. We’ve all heard of “All work and no play…” Equally as true 
“All stress and no relaxation…”

38. The Stress Habit
Also consider that what you practice over and over becomes the automatic response that you get most naturally. Consider the common example of your signature. Even though it involves the precise coordination of hundreds of muscles, not to mention thousands of nerves, you produce it exactly so every time you sign your name. Through repetition, you have trained your nervous system. You might remember back to the first time you ever wrote your name in cursive—it wasn’t nearly so easy! But with enough repetitions, it became an automatic and near perfect reproduction, without even thinking about it.

39. Practicing a Balance
Think about it…How much have you practiced a stress response, getting yourself pumped up more than needed or desirable for a given situation or task?
Most people don’t spend nearly as much time practicing a relaxation response, so it doesn’t come as easily or as naturally.
Stress can get to feel like it is “just how I am,” much as it feels that your signature is just what it is. It is easy to forget that you once learned it, and probably figured out how to change it some over the years (perhaps without recognizing just how you did that). Therefore you could learn to do it differently. Stress/worry is likewise a habit that you could change.
There are quite a number of useful ways to practice a relaxation response. People have been doing this in a variety of ways for about as long as they have been walking on 2 legs! The key is to identify what works best for you, and practice enough so that you are able to relax when you find your stress level is higher than optimal for your current situation or activity.

40. Breathe Well & Use a
There are lots of stress coping sorts of resources available on the web—and elsewhere—so I won’t go into them here.
But I will mention one thing that all of them seem to have in common from many different disciplines and world views. That is deep breathing and many suggest the use of a key word or 2 that you most associate with a state of deep relaxation and calm. One simple method  Breathe in deeply for a count of 1 - 5, hold for a second, then let out a huge sigh of relief. As you sigh, focus on a word or two echoing from the back of your mind—words like relax, calm, cool, tranquil, peaceful, ohm, whatever floats your boat –words that you most strongly associate with a relaxed, tranquil state of mind. Imagine as though it is echoing and intensifying deeper and deeper from the back of your mind…Repeat several times…The more you practice feeling a relaxation response, the more automatic, easy and natural it will become when you really want to feel calm!

41. One last word—Optimal is Sooo Individual
Stress level and optimal performance is very individual. Some people are naturally more high strung and may do well with a slightly higher level for many types of activities. 10 x x x
Some people are naturally more “low strung” and the same level would impede their best in a given situation, and would want a lower level to do and feel their best.
Develop awareness of your own level for optimal performance. When it is too high for your current activity, practice your relaxation response to move down to a zone that better enables useful action and peace of mind.
The

42. Want more help with stress/anxiety management and
This Mini-Workshop was created by
Thomas Stanger, Ph.D.
Permian Basin Counseling and Consultation Services
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