1. I thought things would change Excerpt
Dating Violence
I thought things would change Excerpt
What is this about?
What do you think of when you hear “teen dating violence?” Brainstorm

2. What is it?
A pattern of physically, sexually, verbally, and/or emotionally abusive behavior in a dating relationship
Examples?
While many more teen females are physically abused by someone they are dating than males, teen males do experience dating violence
Affects all people regardless of race, religions, cultures, or sexual orientation, financial, neighborhood

3. Physical Abuse
Any intentional unwanted contact with the other person’s body.
Does not have to leave a bruise
Examples:
Scratching
Punching
Biting
Kicking
Pinching
Burning
Pulling
Hair
Choking
Strangling
Pushing
Slapping
Using a weapon
Shoving

4. Sexual Abuse
Any sexual behavior that is unwanted or interferes with the other person’s right to say “no” to sexual advances
Examples:
Unwanted kissing or touching
Date rape
Forcing someone to go further sexually than they want to
Unwanted rough or violent sexual activity
Not letting someone use birth control or protection against sexually transmitted infections

5. Verbal/Emotional Abuse
Examples:
Name-calling & put-downs
Insulting the person or their family & friends
Yelling & screaming
Threatening violence or harm
Making racial slurs about the person
Unwanted comments of a sexual nature
Embarrassing person in front of others
Stalking
Harming the person’s pets
Threatening to commit suicide
Saying or doing something to the other person that causes the person to be afraid, have lower self-esteem, or manipulates or controls the person’s feelings or behaviors
Examples:
Spreading negative rumors
Preventing person from seeing or talking to someone
Telling the person what to do
Making the person feel responsible for violence/abuse
Threatening to expose personal information about the person
Threatening to take away person’s children

6. Digital abuse
The use of technologies such as texting and social networking to bully, harass, stalk or intimidate a partner. In most cases, this type of abuse is emotional and/or verbal and though it is perpetuated online, it has a strong impact on a victim's real life.

7. Roles in Dating Violence
Abuser:
A person who physically, sexually, verbally or emotionally hurts an intimate partner.
Target:
A person who is hurt physically, sexually, verbally, or emotionally by an intimate partner.
Bystander:
A person who is aware that someone is being abused in a dating relationship.
May become aware of the abuse through the abuser’s or the target’s actions or words

8. Prevalence
Women between experience highest rates of dating violence
1 in 5 high school girls is physically or sexually hurt by a dating partner
As many as 1/3 of teens experience some kind of abuse in romantic relationships
Only 33% of teens who have been in or known about an abusive dating relationship report having told anyone about it

9. Patterns of abuse

10. Dating Violence: Patterns of Abuse
Phase 1: Tension Building
Things start to get tense between two people
Argue a lot
Abuser yells at target for no reason
Abuser makes false accusations about the target
Target feels that they can’t do anything right
Atmosphere is tense, as if things could blow up at any moment

11. Dating Violence: Patterns of Abuse
Phase 2: Explosion
Tension is released in a burst of physical, sexual, and/or verbal/emotional abuse
Abuser may:
Scream and yell in a way that is frightening/humiliating
Hit grab, shove, kick, slam the other person
Throw things
Threaten to hurt the other person
Rape the other person or force them to go further sexually than they want to

12. Dating Violence: Patterns of Abuse
Phase 3: Honeymoon
Abuser tries to make the target stay in the relationship by apologizing and/or trying to shift the blame for the abuse onto someone or something else.
May:
Apologize and promise that it will never happen again
Say “ I love you”
Buy the other person flowers or gifts
Accuse other person of doing something to cause the abuse
Blame abuse on other things – alcohol, drugs, stress, etc.

13. Dating Violence: Patterns of Abuse
After honeymoon phase, tension builds again, leading to another explosion.
Over time, honeymoon phase may get shorter/disappear
Explosions may become more violent or dangerous
Some targets of dating violence never experience honeymoon phase
Just tension & explosion

14. Dating Violence: Patterns of Abuse
Targets of dating violence often believe that the first incident of abuse will never happen again
Abuser’s apologies are convincing to stay in relationship
Once someone is abusive, they are likely to abuse partner again
Once it keeps happening, target is usually to afraid to seek help

15. Warning Signs Extreme jealousy Constant put-downs
Telling the other person what to do
Explosive temper
Threats
Possessiveness
Preventing the other person from doing what he or she wants to do
Severe mood swings
Making false accusations about the other person
History of violence
Isolating the other person from family and friends
Seeking financial control over the other person

16. Teens Seeking Help
Abuse in teen relationships is similar to adult domestic violence.
Teens face different obstacles
Fear people won’t believe them
Bond with/love for abuser
Lack of knowledge about available resources
Pressure from peers & parents to be dating
Substance abuse
Feel hopeless
Confusion about legal rights
Fears about lack of confidentiality, mandated child abuse reporting, parental consent laws

17. Helping a friend
Tell the target that you are concerned for their safety – make it clear you know and they don’t deserve to be abused
Acknowledge that the abuse is not the person’s fault
Be supportive & patient
Avoid judging
Encourage person to talk to others who can help
Help person develop a safety plan
Don’t confront abuser – could be dangerous for you and your friend/relative
Remember you can’t “rescue” the person. They have to decide what to do for themselves.