1. The Five Love Languages for Adults and Children
Lauren Brown M.Ed., LSSC, LPC
Keller ISD Counselor

2. Welcome! Answer the questions posted on the board
Discuss similarities and differences of your answers to the questions with tablemates
Enjoy some candy!

3. Why?
What made the gift or comment especially meaningful?

4. The importance of Love
We all have a deep longing, a desire to know we are loved deeply.
survive the pressures of life
The reality of relationships is that they are never static– they are always changing.

5. What’s this all about?
Video trailer

6. Explain . . . 5 fundamental love languages receive love through all 5
1 will speak loudest
If we receive love through the other 4, that’s okay, but if our love language is spoken– that’s the best!

7. What is your language?
Using either the assessment tool for those in a relationship or those who are single, learn your individual love language
You may also start to think about your child or spouse’s love language

8. Words of Affirmation Who has this one as a primary?
Who has this one as the lowest?
uses words to communicate a positive message to another person
Praise for accomplishments, Affirmation for character (inner nature), Praise for personality

9. Quality Time Who has this one as a primary?
Who has this one as the lowest?
personal attention
Quality conversations, Shared experiences
Undivided attention-- not gazing into each other’s eyes for hours
Think of a favorite memory and what made it truly special

10. Acts of Service Who has this one as a primary?
Who has this one as the lowest?
others reach out to help
“Don’t tell me you care; Show me.”
Assistance with tasks and responsibilities

11. Tangible Gifts Who has this one as a primary?
Who has this one as the lowest?
tangible rewards/nonmonetary gifts valued by the person
Value and occasion are not what matters
Not a gift like Christmas, birthday, etc.

12. Physical Touch Who has this one as a primary?
Who has this one as the lowest?
Non-romantic touch
A hug, high-five, pat on the shoulder
One of our five senses and most instinctive
Emotional climate, location, and timing are key

13. Next Steps
How we want to be shown love is often how we express love to others
About 25% of adults “speak” love in a different way than they “hear” love
Blind Spots

14. For example:
We can be told “I love you” and yet struggle to embrace this as reality when it is communicated in a way that is difficult for us to understand.
If the primary way a person understands love is words, then acts o service may not communicate well. However if acts of service is a person’s main language, then he/she may be left thinking “You say you love me all day long, but won’t help with the dishes. How do I know you love me?”

15. Learning a new language
All of the languages can be learned
Be active, not passive
When someone speaks our love language, we are drawn to them emotionally.

16. Permission Some languages need permission before “love” is given.
Some may be really uncomfortable with physical touch due to previous experiences.

17. Some thoughts . . .
Love is not love when it is given to smooth ruffled feathers.
Some people struggle to identify their love language.
Could loving people be a key to successful personal and business relationships? How?

18. Individual dialects:
Words of encouragement vs words of praise vs words of appreciation
Conversation vs. hearing vs. talking vs. listening

19. Manipulation
No person should ever be a doormat. We have the ability to make decisions and take action.
Love says “I love you too much to let you treat me this way. It is not good for you or me.”
Love refuses to be manipulated.

20. 5 Love Languages for Children/ Teens
Every child has an emotional tank
A full tank makes it easier to discipline and train
Whatever way love language your child understands best, he needs it expressed in one way– unconditionally.
No child can receive too much appropriate unconditional love.

21. Some obvious thoughts . . . They are children
They are act like children and that may be unpleasant at times.
If I love only when they meet my requirements or expectations, they will feel incompetent and will believe it is pointless to do their best, since it is never enough.
If I love only when they please me and express my love to them only at those times, they will feel insecure and have a damaged self-worth.
If I love them unconditionally, they will feel comfortable about themselves and will be able to control their anxiety and their behavior as they grow into adulthood.

22. Love is the most basic of needs
Your child will sense how you feel about them by how you behave toward them.
Under the age of 5, a child does not usually have a certain love language preference, so Speak all of them.

23. Physical Touch Ideas
A lot of non-verbal. Verbal needs to be “word pictures”
Stroke your child’s hair
Snuggle as watch movie/TV
Hold hands
Younger children- read stories together with a child in your lap.
When child is sick, cool cloth, rub back
Hugs and Kisses
Tickle fights

24. Words of Affirmation Ideas
Send notes, cards, or text messages
Be mindful of volume and tone as child may be overly sensitive to this.
Specific compliments
Affirmations
Kind words
Frame their artwork or best papers
Create a special name of affection for your child for just the two of you

25. Quality Time Ideas
For some, negative attention is better than no attention.
One-on-one time
Include them in your daily activities
Not interrupting, face- to-face talking
Surprise child with tickets or a trip
share meals together
Plant something together
Take a walk or bike ride together
Schedule a Parent and me “date night”
Find silly things to laugh about together

26. Gifts Ideas Positive, fact-oriented information
Do not forget birthdays, special occasions
You may need to give less rather than more– carefully chosen gifts are more meaningful.
Send a small package through the mail
Create a treasure hunt with clues
Consider gifts that last– a tree, quality
Create a “secret drawer” for your child’s small “treasures”
Carry snacks or small candies as a treat when away from home

27. Acts of Service Ideas Action words like “I will” “What else can I do?”
Help with chores
Acts of kindness
Repair a broken item
Bike/Car/Skateboard maintenance for older children
Help them practice
Younger children– help them get ready for bed and tuck them in
Community service together
Make their favorite dinner
Set up their toys so they can play as soon as they get home

28. How do I know what their love language is?
Survey
Observe how they express love to you
Listen to what is requested most often
Observe how they express love to others
Notice what they complain about most
15 week Experiment– test it out– 2 weeks of one language, 1 of “normal”, 2 weeks of another, 1 of “normal”, etc.

29. After conflict . . . Quality time: active listening with empathy
Physical Touch: Hug it out
Gifts: apology note and small token of love
Words of Affirmation: speaks words that build security and initiate sincere apology
Acts of Service: make behavior changes that were requested

30. Love and Discipline
Love looks out for the interests of another, and so does discipline.
Ask what does the child need when he/she misbehaves
How does a child love?
Be careful not to discipline in their love language– for example, quality time should not be disciplined with isolation or words of affirmation with condemning or critical words

31. And finally . . . Any questions? Thank you! Pintrest
The Felicity Bee “Fun and Practical Ways to Speak the 5 Love Languages”
Book The Five Love Languages
Any questions? Thank you!