1. Supporting Children Who Are Gender Variant
A guide for parents and caregivers
Prepared and presented by Lindsey Davey

2. Supporting Children Who Are Gender Variant
Common terms and their definitions
Supporting gender expression
Supportive parenting practices
Rejecting parenting practices
Transitioning
Working with the school/center
Out-of-school activities
Resources

3. Definitions

4. Definitions
Gender: A socially constructed system of classification that ascribes qualities of masculinity and femininity to people Gender Identity: One's innermost core concept of self which can include male, female, a blend of both or neither, and many more—how individuals perceive themselves and what they call themselves Gender Expression: Refers to the ways in which people externally communicate their gender identity to others through behavior, clothing, hairstyle, voice, and other forms of presentation Gender Role: This is the set of roles, activities, expectations and behaviors commonly associated with females and males by society

5. More Definitions
Transgender: Sometimes used as an umbrella term to describe anyone whose identity or behavior falls outside of stereotypical gender norms Cisgender: Refers to people whose sex assignment at birth corresponds to their gender identity, and often their expression Sexual Orientation: Term that refers to being physically, romantically or sexually attracted to people of a specific gender and/or sex Transphobia: Fear or hatred of transgender people; transphobia is manifested in a number of ways, including violence, harassment, and discrimination

6. Supporting Gender Expression at Home
It’s important to cultivate children's gender fluidity
The first part of this work involves simply refraining from imposing gender on children
Imposing gendered meaning on nearly everything that children do is a pervasive practice that we don’t even notice ourselves doing
Supporting Gender Expression at Home

7. Supporting Gender Expression at Home
Allowing children to form their own relationship with gender means not imposing gender on them
Ensure that children have many gendered options available to them as well as items that are free from gendered marketing
Provide your child with the opportunity to explore a spectrum of colors, both dresses and pants, etc.
Supporting Gender Expression at Home

9. Parenting Practices

10. Supportive Parenting Practices
Create a supportive family environment
Require respect within the family
Express love and support for your child’s gender expression
Allow zero tolerance for disrespect, negative comments or pressure
Maintain open and honest communication with your child

11. PINK
Not just for girls

12. EVERY OTHER COLOUR
Not just for boys

13. Rejecting Parenting Practices
Physical or verbal abuse
Exclusion from family activities
Blocking access to supportive friends or activities
Blaming the child for the discrimination they face
Denigration and ridicule
Religious or faith-based condemnation
Distress, denial, and shame
Silence and secrecy
Pressure to enforce gender conformity

14. Transitioning

15. Transitioning
When a person changes outwardly from one gender to another and lives in accordance with their gender identity
Can occur in two ways: social transition through non-permanent changes in clothing, hairstyle, name and/or pronouns, and medical transition through the use of medicines and/or surgeries to promote gender based body changes
There is no rule of thumb for when a transgender child should be allowed to transition socially and/or medically
Your child’s discomfort or suffering is so obvious that despite your concerns, it is critical for them to live in the world as they choose

16. Working with the School/Center

17. Working with the school/center
Forming a positive relationship with school administrators and staff, whether you are new to a school or returning, it vital to the safety and success of your gender-expansive child
Approach the school as partners, not as adversaries
You will need to help them by providing resources, materials, and examples of other schools that have successfully met the needs of gender-expansive students
Ask for gender training to be included in this professional development

18. Out-of-school Activities

19. Out-of-school activities
Many of the same situations that arise in school situations arise in out-of-school activities as well
Most adults who run these activities have no experience with gender-expansive or transgender kids
Sometimes, camp or outside activities are opportunities for gender-expansive kids to see what it is like to present as the opposite gender
Proactively speak with the camp leaders about potential issues before they arise, and ask if they are willing to have their staff receive gender training

20. Resources

21. Resources Raising My Rainbow by Lori Duron
Raising My Rainbow is Lori Duron’s memoir of her and her family’s adventures of raising a gender creative child.
10,000 Dresses by Marcus Ewert
This gorgeous picture book—a modern fairy tale about becoming the person you feel you are inside—will delight people of all ages.
Be Who You Are by Jennifer Carr
This is a delightful little book about Nick; a young child assigned a male gender at birth who sees himself as a girl.
Resources

22. Resources Gender Mosaic Ottawa http://www.gendermosaic.com/
Gender Mosaic offers a safe, fun, supportive and non-judgemental environment where Trans and Cross-Gender people of all ages are free to express their gender identity. Lots of resources and support groups are listed and they’re local!
Welcoming Schools
Welcoming Schools is an American organization that focuses on keeping schools safe from bullying in all its forms. A great resource for educators and caregivers.
Resources

23. Resources Gender Spectrum https://www.genderspectrum.org/
American based website that has lots of information on training educators and caregivers on gender expression.
Cheo – Gender Identity
Provides the medical side of things. From medications to counselling this website is a thorough and local resource.
PLAG Canada
Another Canadian resource that can help with the social and legal sides of helping your child transition. Also has a focus on allies such as parents and ways they can support.
Resources