1. Characteristics of Crucial Conversations p 1
Differences of opinion
High Stakes
Strong Emotions

2. We are wired to fail in crucial conversations p 4
Fight or flight
Time pressure
Uncertainty as to how to react
Result: We act in self-defeating ways

3. Types of crucial business conversations p 8
Addressing a serious concern with a co-worker
Giving feedback to a supervisor
Assessing a co-worker’s performance
Explaining missed deadlines
Dismissing an employee
Communicating about critical compliance issues: safety, security, environmental, diversity, financial

4. Benefits of mastering crucial conversations pps. 11-18
Improve career
Strengthen relationships
Improve health

5. Skilled dialogue p 17 Focus on shared goals and meaning
Encourage rational explanations of thoughts
Avoid:
Debating, arguing, confronting, accusing
Hints, sarcasm, innuendo, gossip
Silence, passive aggressive behavior

6. Filling the pool of shared meaning, p. 21
Catch problems before they get out of hand
“Learn to create conditions in yourself and others that make dialogue the path of least resistance”
Skills: talking, listening, & acting together

7. Becoming effective at dialogue p 27
Be humble. Work on self first
Realize your communication often predicts/creates the subsequent behavior of others

8. Establish a mental model for success criteria p 32
Know what you want for
self,
others,
& your relationship
Define criteria for communication success
Outcome: specific, measurable, challenging
Acceptable to all parties
Conversation takes a reasonable amount of time

9. Crucial Decisions, pp 32ff
Clarify what you do want
Clarify what you do not want
Present your brain with a more complex question: E. g., How can I express my real concerns without offending the other person?

10. Becoming effective at dialogue p 49
Keep it safe
Know what you don’t want
Attack or withdraw
Consider a plan for how you can achieve what you want while minimizing interpersonal distractions from goals

11. Adopting a dual perspective p 51
Importance of holding a dual perspective, keeping own objectives in mind while looking at situation through the eyes of the other.
Look for physical and emotional signs of a crucial conversation

12. Sounds of silence, p 52 Masking: Sarcasm or couching Avoiding
Withdrawing

13. Violence, p. 53
Controlling
Labeling
Attacking

14. Build safety p 65
Focus on
mutual purpose: good entry position for dialogue
mutual respect
Approaches
apologize, when appropriate
contrast to confirm understanding and respect
brainstorm for effective strategies

15. Control your emotions p 93
Use the 6-second rule
Separate facts from conclusions
Avoid 3 explanations
Victim: It's not my fault
Villain: It's all your fault
Helpless: There's nothing else I can do

16. Reframe the situation p 102
Consider own role in situation
Humanize the other
Evaluate what actions you can take to achieve your business and interpersonal objectives

17. Determine a diplomatic and accurate way to state your first sentence p 119
Speak confidently while considering the opinions of others
Start with your facts
Indicate your position in a safe way
Evaluate the feedback of other(s)
Tentatively work toward resolution
Test solutions against success criteria

18. Becoming an effective listener p 141
Sincerity
Curiosity: Questioning
Patience
Encourage others to let you know how they arrived at their conclusions (path to action)
Restate and paraphrase
Agree, build, compare views

19. Crucial conversation preparation p 186
Mentally evaluate how well you use the skills in low controversy situations
Be a perceptive observer of others’ conversations
Mentally rehearse for your crucial conversations, testing and retesting alternative scenarios