1. Difficult Discussions
School of Rehabilitation Therapy, Physical Therapy Program
Meaghan Welfare
Queen’s – QUFA Conflict Resolution Service

2. Welcome

3. Difficult Discussions
Ad hoc
Immediate
Unplanned
Reactive
Planned
Timely
Well planned
Responsive

4. What makes a discussion difficult?
Worried about hurting someone's feelings
Touchy or uncomfortable topic
Potential of damaging a relationship
What if I say the wrong thing?
Offend someone
Create an unpleasant atmosphere

5. 1. Know Thyself Perception Default behaviours
Conflict Management Style

6. Perception
How you perceive conflict will impact your experience with conflict
If you see conflict as bad you are likely to have more negative experiences
If you see conflict as positive/opportunity for change/growth/development/relationship building, your experience will be more positive

7. Have you ever…
Gossiped about someone’s behavior instead of speaking to them?
Made a leading statement in a meeting, in hopes that someone else would raise a difficult issue?
ed someone to say something you didn’t want to say in person?
Given in on a situation that was important to you and later regretted it?
Consider: How do I normally react to difficult situations?
What are other examples of mismanaged conflict in the workplace?

8. Conflict Management Styles
HIGH
Competing
Collaborating
GOALS
Compromising
The way we handle conflict when it arises is largely due to our default style, which is a bit about nature and nurture. Our natural tendencies and what we were taught by our family of origin.
Avoiding
Accommodating
LOW
HIGH
RELATIONSHIP
Thomas-Killman instrument

9. 2. Walk a mile… Take time to consider the other person’s perspective
Approach a sensitive topic with empathy
Be compassionate towards what they may be experiencing
Try to acknowledge the commonalities you share with this person
Ask yourself:
What might be motivating them?
What might they be their desired outcome?
that way, you are a mile away from them and have their shoes,”
be capable of identifying and understanding another person’s feelings, without experiencing them for yourself at that particular moment.

10. 3. Be assertive Confident statements and behaviour
The process for expressing thoughts and feelings while asking for what you want
Avoid being seen as:
‘pushy’ – aggressive
‘waffly’ – passive

11. Assertiveness Taking charge of your own behaviour
Take responsibility for your own feelings/behaviours/thoughts, and express them accurately
The ability to recognize that others are also in charge of their own behaviour
Resist the need to control or change others
The ability to express your preferences for others behaviour
Ask for what you want, say “no” to what you don’t want

12. DESC
Describe
Say what is happening that you want to deal with now.
Focus on the immediate situation
Express
Express your feelings about the situation/behaviour.
Begin with “I” and avoid “You” statements.
Specify
Specify your prefered behaviour or outcome.
Consequences
Identify the positive payoff for both.
“I think this will help me feel more comfortable being with you, and we can have a better relationship…”
When I am interrupted in a meeting I feel disrespected. In the future I would prefer to be able to finish my thoughts before others speak. That way we can all be heard and included.

13. 4. Listen
If you enter a discussion from a place of curiosity and truly listen, you are more likely to deal with what really matters
Help me understand vs. I understand
Get comfortable with silence
Avoid ‘listening with your answer running’

14. Active Listening Reflecting (empathy) Summarizing
Name or identifying an emotion you observe which may not have been stated
“You seem very frustrated” “I can see in your body language that you are agitated”
Summarizing
Repeating/paraphrasing the key points you have heard
“If I understand you correctly you are saying…”
"No one cares how much you know, until they know how much you care" ― Theodore Roosevelt

15. Listen
Avoid distractions
Computer
Phone
Busy location

16. 5. Have a model
Communication model is key to guiding the conversation towards success
Break it down into manageable steps
Builds confidence
Creates a path

17. Model Many models out there Most important step is preparation
Plan but don’t script
Ask yourself:
Why am I having this conversation?
What’s important to me?
What is my ideal outcome?
What can I do to make the outcome win/win for both of us?

18. Model How do I begin? Example:
Ensure statement is mutual and non-blaming
Example:
“I’d like to talk about our last meeting and how I felt about it.”
“I need your help with what just happened, could we spend a few minutes discussing it?”

19. Successful Conversations
Prepare in advance for success
Plan but don’t script
Be assertive
Consider the other persons perspective
Listen genuinely and with authentic curiosity
Be open to changing your mind when new information is presented
Be empathic and compassionate towards the other and yourself

20. Get in touch meaghankwelfare@gmail.com www.conflictengagement.ca
Thank you
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