1. Boundaries in Ministry
Bradley Olson, Psy.D.,M.Div.
BradleyOlson.net
The Arlington Center ~ Arlingtonctr.com

2. Building Display Protocol
You
I have a wonderful idea for the building
Who should I talk to?
Kevin
Checks in with Eric and anyone it may affect
Informs you of decision
Figure out logisitics
Informs Paul, Jeannine, LZ

3. Boundaries Are: WHAT? Limits… that allow for a safe connection
Determining… who is responsible for what?
Reflecting… who God is in the Trinity
Guarding ME… like a fence

4. No Fence ~ No Boundaries
WHAT?
No Fence ~ No Boundaries

5. Fortress Fence ~ Punitive Boundaries
WHAT?
Fortress Fence ~ Punitive Boundaries

6. Fence With Gate ~ Healthy Boundaries
WHAT?
Fence With Gate ~ Healthy Boundaries
This Photo by Unknown Author is licensed under CC BY-NC-ND

7. WHAT?
Boundaries:
A limit or space between you and the other person- A clear space where you begin and the other person ends- Like a fence in your yard, you are the gate keeper and get to decide who or what you let in, who/what you keep out, who/what gets all the way in, who/what gets only a foot in.

8. A Good Boundary is NOT Set on You ~ I Set it Around Me
WHAT?
A Good Boundary is NOT Set on You ~ I Set it Around Me
This Photo by Unknown Author is licensed under CC BY-NC-ND

9. I. Because we reap what we sow
WHY?
I. Because we reap what we sow
We learn through pain and mistakes
Poor boundaries take the problem and opportunity away from the other person
Healthy boundaries stop me from rescuing you from consequences of your own behaviors

10. II. Because we are responsible to care for our souls
WHY?
II. Because we are responsible to care for our souls
Healthy boundaries guard our souls (Proverbs 4:23)
Healthy boundaries preserve my ministry
“Givers need to set limits because takers rarely do”
Proverbs 4:23 New Living Translation (NLT)
23 Guard your heart above all else,     for it determines the course of your life.
New Living Translation (NLT)
Jesus cared for his soul (Luke 5:16)
Jesus went by self and prayed Lk 5:16 -But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed.
Jesus hung out with 12 more than the thousands
Jesus didn’t heal everybody- he let some live with their pain- even though he knew he had limited time on earth

11. We teach the world how to treat us
WHY?
You don’t get what you deserve and desire… You get what you tolerate and accept.
We teach the world how to treat us

12. III. Because we are expected to carry their burden, not their load
WHY?
III. Because we are expected to carry their burden, not their load
2 Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. 3 If anyone thinks they are something when they are not, they deceive themselves. 4 Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else, 5 for each one should carry their own load.
Galatians 6:2 ~ Share troubles and problems ~ burdens
Burden = Excess burden- so heavy it weighs us down ~ boulders that crush ~ crisis and tragedy
Galatians 6:5 ~ Carry your own load
Load = Cargo ~ the burden of daily toil ~ knapsack ~ able to carry, even if it is work

13. Better Boundaries By… Luke 10:29-35 (NIV)
HOW?
Better Boundaries By…
Prioritizing me
Luke 10:29-35 (NIV)
… 33 But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him. 34 He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, brought him to an inn and took care of him. 35 The next day he took out two denarii and gave them to the innkeeper. ‘Look after him,’ he said, ‘and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.’

14. Better Boundaries By… HOW?
Knowing yourself ~ know your limits ~ your feelings
Listening to anger-frustration of family and friends
Living with other’s anger-disappointment-judgment
Living by wants/choice ~ not determined by “needs”
Walking with someone- not fixing
Valuing yourself enough to say “no”
Giving others freedom to choose for themselves
Good boundaries drive (some) people away. They should. And, they will attract people who respect your boundaries.

15. Clues That I May Have Bad Boundaries
HOW?
Clues That I May Have Bad Boundaries
Caring more or working harder for them than they do
I’m angry & resentful… Burned Out
My gut & intuition are talking to me
Making sure you do what I want – think the way I think
Giving more than I want to give (time-thought-energy- money)
My spouse/family/friend are angry with me
Sacrificing my needs for you