1. Personal Relationships
Chapter 9
Personal Relationships
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2. Personal Relationships
Three basic characteristics
Frequent interaction over a long period of time
Many different kinds of activities
Strong mutual influence
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3. Interdependence Theory
Analyzes the exchange and coordination of outcomes between interdependent partners
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4. Interdependence Theory
A reward is anything a person gains from an interaction
Particular or universal, symbolic or concrete
Basic types of rewards:
Love Information
Money Goods
Status Services
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5. Interdependence Theory
A cost is any negative consequence that occurs in an interaction or relationship
Time
Energy
Conflict
Others’ Disapproval
Opportunity Cost
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6. Interdependence Theory
Outcome = Rewards – Costs
We evaluate outcomes with standards
Profitability
Comparison level
Based on past experience
Comparison level of alternatives
Based on other currently available relationships
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7. Interdependence Theory
In relationships, we need to coordinate outcomes to maximize benefits to both partners
Easier to do when partners are similar
In case of conflicts of interest, partners must negotiate a settlement
Social norms and social roles help provide solutions to some coordination problems
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8. Interdependence Theory
People are most content when they perceive their relationships to be fair
Rules for Fairness
Equality Rule
“To Each According to Need”
Equity Rule: profits proportional to inputs
P’s outcome = O’s outcome
P’s contributions O’s contributions
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9. Interdependence Theory
Basic Assumptions of Equity theory
Individuals try to maximize their outcomes in a relationship.
Rewards can be maximized by evolving rules or norms about fairness.
Perceived inequity fosters distress.
For both the under-benefited and the over-benefited
People who perceive inequity will try to restore equity.
Either actual or perceived equity may be restored.
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10. Interdependence Theory
Research on Equity Theory
Concerns with fairness may be highest at the beginning of a relationship, and in a long-term relationship when it encounters stressful changes
Equity is less important to happiness than the absolute level of rewards
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11. Interdependence Theory
Exchange Relationships
People give benefits expecting a return of benefits soon after
Strangers & Casual Acquaintances
Clark & Mills (1979)
Communal Relationships
People feel responsible for meeting their partner’s needs
Family, Friends, Romantic Partners
Including other in self means that benefiting partner benefits self too
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12. The inclusion of other in the Self (IOS) Scale
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13. Self-Disclosure
Self-disclosure is a special type of conversation in which we share intimate information and feelings with another person.
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14. Self-Disclosure Reasons we disclose Social Approval
Relationship Development
Self-Expression
Self-Clarification
Social Control
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15. Self-Disclosure Liking Self-Disclosure
In general, we most like people whose self-disclosure is reciprocal and gradual.
The impact of self-disclosure on liking depends on the nature of the relationship.
E.g., an intimate self-disclosure by one’s roommate may be received very differently than an intimate self-disclosure by a random stranger in a lecture hall.
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16. A comparison of self-disclosure to closest and least close companions by college students in the U.S. and Japan.
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17. Self-Disclosure Self-disclosure also entails risks:
Indifference
Rejection
Loss of Control
Betrayal
Because of the risks of self-disclosure, we sometimes conceal our deepest feelings and keep secrets
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18. Self-Disclosure Self-disclosure varies by culture and by gender
E.g., Japanese are less self-disclosing than Americans across relationships
Women reveal somewhat more than men, particularly in same-sex relationships in the U.S.
Men may be more revealing in same-sex relationships in cultures that encourage this
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19. Intimacy
Intimacy results not just from self-disclosure, but when self-disclosure evokes a response that makes a person feel understood, validated, and care for.
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20. Intimacy as an interpersonal process
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21. Gender and Intimacy Men and women do not define intimacy differently.
However, men experience less intimacy than women in their same-sex interactions (there are no difference in cross-sex interactions)
Cultural norms may explain this.
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22. The Balance of Power
Social power = a person’s ability to influence deliberately the behavior, thoughts, or feelings of another.
In some relationships, power is balanced, in others, one person has more power than the other.
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23. The Balance of Power Heterosexual couples in the U.S.:
Equal power 64%
Male-dominant 27%
Female-dominant %
Blumstein & Schwartz, 1983
Equal power can mean shared or “separate but equal” decision-making
Consensus between partners is generally the key to happiness
However, female-dominant relationships are less satisfying
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24. The Balance of Power
Three things determine whether a relationship is equal in power:
Social Norms and Attitudes
Relative Resources
Especially if the one with greater resources is a man
The Principle of Least Interest
The person who is least dependent on the relationship has the most power (Waller, 1938)
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25. Conflict
The process that occurs when the actions of one person interfere with the actions of another
The potential for conflict increases as interdependence increases
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26. Conflict Three types of problems specific behaviors norms and roles
personal dispositions
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27. Conflict
Conflict can help or hurt a relationship, depending on how it is resolved.
On the one hand, it can lead to defensiveness, withdrawal, even threats and violence.
On the other, it can provide opportunity for clarification of agreements, to discover their depth of feeling for each other, and renew efforts to create a satisfying relationship.
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28. Satisfaction & Commitment
Satisfaction = an individual’s subjective evaluation of the quality of a relationship. Better when:
Rewards > Costs
Outcome > C.L.
Happy couples spend more time in joint activities, use more humor, engage in more affectionate touching, and in less criticism, hostility, & arguing
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29. Satisfaction & Commitment
Commitment = all the forces, positive & negative, that act to keep a person in a relationship.
Increased by
Satisfaction
Values & morals
Barriers that make it costly to leave
Investments
Decreased by
C.L. alt (available alternatives)
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30. Satisfaction & Commitment
Generally, there is a close relationship between satisfaction & commitment
However, sometimes couples stay together despite low satisfaction. Why?
Higher investments
Lack of alternatives
Moral commitments
Low feelings of personal control
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31. Satisfaction & Commitment
Factors that help in understanding commitment in heterosexual relationships are generally useful in understanding homosexual relationships as well.
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32. The Investment Model of Commitment and Relationship Stability
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33. Satisfaction & Commitment
Factors that increase commitment:
Positive Illusions about Relationships
Misremembering the Past
Forgoing Tempting Alternative Partners
Explaining a Partner’s Behavior in a charitable fashion
Willingness to Sacrifice
Accommodation & Forgiveness
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34. Satisfaction & Commitment
Reactions to Dissatisfaction:
Voice
Loyalty
Neglect
Exit
Rusbult, 1987
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35. Relationship Maintenance
Positive illusions about relationship
Misremembering the past
Forgoing tempting alternative partners
Explaining a partner’s behavior
Willingness to sacrifice
Turning the other cheek: Accommodation and forgiveness
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36. A Model of Forgiveness in a Close Relationship
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37. Responses to Dissatisfaction
Voice
Loyalty
Neglect
exit
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