1. Listening

2. Listening, not imitation, may be the sincerest form of flattery.
Joyce Brothers
Expressing our wants, feelings, thoughts and opinions clearly and effectively is only half of the communication process needed for interpersonal effectiveness. The other half is listening and understanding what others communicate to us. When a person decides to communicate with another person, he/she does so to fulfill a need. The person wants something, feels discomfort, and/or has feelings or thoughts about something. In deciding to communicate, the person selects the method or code which he/she believes will effectively deliver the message to the other person. The code used to send the message can be either verbal or nonverbal. When the other person receives the coded message, they go through the process of decoding or interpreting it into understanding and meaning. Effective communication exists between two people when the receiver interprets and understands the sender’s message in the same way the sender intended it. 

3. Listening and Communication
Purposes and Payoffs of Listening
Learning
Relating
Influencing
Playing
Helping
  Effective listening is actively absorbing the information given to you by a speaker, showing that you are listening and interested, and providing feedback to the speaker so that he or she knows the message was received.  Delivering verbal communication, like writing a newsletter, involves trying to choose the right words and nonverbal cues to convey a message that will be interpreted in the way that you intend.  Effective listeners show speakers that they have been heard and understood.

4. For discussion
Listening is so simple, it is hard. Do you agree with this statement? Why or why not?

5. Stages of Listening Process
Receiving
Understanding
Remembering
Evaluating
Responding
A study of over 8,000 people employed in businesses, hospitals, universities, the military and government agencies found that virtually all of the respondents believed that they communicate as effectively or more effectively than their co-workers.1  (Could everyone be above average?)  However, research shows that the average person listens at only about 25% efficiency.2  While most people agree that listening effectively is a very important skill, most people don't feel a strong need to improve their own skill level.3

6. Focus Attention on Speaker’s V & NV Avoid Distractions
Stages of Listening—Receiving
Focus Attention on Speaker’s V & NV
Avoid Distractions
Focus on Speaker, Not What You’ll Say Next
Avoid Interrupting
Sources of Difficulty by the Speaker
Voice volume too low to be heard. Making the message too complex, either by including too many unnecessary details or too many issues. Getting lost, forgetting your point or the purpose of the interaction. Body language or nonverbal elements contradicting or interfering with the verbal message, such as smiling when anger or hurt is being expressed. Paying too much attention to how the other person is taking the message, or how the person might react. Using a very unique code or unconventional method for delivering the message.

7. Relate New Information to What You Know
Stages of Listening—Understanding
Relate New Information to What You Know
See Speaker’s Point of View
Ask Questions for Clarification
Paraphrase Speaker’s Ideas
Sources of Difficulty by the Listener 
Being preoccupied and not listening. Being so interested in what you have to say that you listen mainly to find an opening to get the floor. Formulating and listening to your own rebuttal to what the speaker is saying. Listening to your own personal beliefs about what is being said. Evaluating and making judgments about the speaker or the message. Not asking for clarification when you know that you do not understand.

8. Stages of Listening—Remembering
Take Notes
Tape Messages
Memory is not Reproductive
Memory is Reconstructed
when we listen we should show the other party that what they are saying to us is being heard.  Since we can think at about four times the speed that speakers can speak, our brains have a lot of capacity that can be used to process the meaning of what's being said.  Reflecting is paraphrasing back to the speaker what they said.  One of the things a lot of us find when we try to use this technique is that it's real a challenge.  We don't want to just parrot back what was said; we want to paraphrase.  It takes creativity to think of appropriate ways to paraphrase what we've heard.         Reflecting can take other forms than paraphrasing back to someone what was just said.  For instance, a listener can summarize what he or she heard and also take the conversation a step further by asking a question for clarification or elaboration.         One of the things we often notice when we reflect during a conversation is that the meaning we have ascribed to what we've heard has missed the speaker's intended meaning.  When speakers hear us reflect, they get a chance to correct any misunderstanding that we have.  That proves that this technique does truly clarify communication.

9. Resist Premature Evaluation Give Speaker Benefit of the Doubt
Stages of Listening—Evaluating
Resist Premature Evaluation
Give Speaker Benefit of the Doubt
Distinguish Facts from Inferences
Identify Speaker’s Biases and/or Prejudices
EVALUATING- it is a stage in which active listeners participate; it is at these point that the active listener weighs evidence, sorts fact from opinion, and determines the presence or absence of bias or prejudice in a message; the effective listener makes sure that he or she doesn’t begin this activity too soon ; beginning this stage of the process before a message is completed requires that we no longer hear and attend to the incoming message-as a result, the listening process ceases

10. Support the Speaker with Back-Channeling
Stages of Listening—Responding
Support the Speaker with Back-Channeling
Express Support for Speaker
Respond Honestly Even in Disagreement
Own Your Responses
Provide a Supportive Atmosphere
RESPONDING- this stage requires that the receiver complete the process through verbal and/or nonverbal feedback; because the speaker has no other way to determine if a message has been received , this stage becomes the only overt means by which the sender may determine the degree of success in transmitting the message.

11. Problem-Causing Listening
The Static Listener
The Monotonous Feedback Giver
The Overly Expressive Listener
The Reader/Writer
Sources of Difficulty by the Listener 
Being preoccupied and not listening. Being so interested in what you have to say that you listen mainly to find an opening to get the floor. Formulating and listening to your own rebuttal to what the speaker is saying. Listening to your own personal beliefs about what is being said. Evaluating and making judgments about the speaker or the message. Not asking for clarification when you know that you do not understand.

12. For discussion
Do you routinely multitask? What do you think of the information in the text that we never really multitask, just do two things ineffectively?

13. Empathic and Objective
Styles of Listening
Empathic and Objective
Punctuate from Speaker’s Point of View
Engage in Equal, Two-Way Conversations
Seek to Understand Thoughts and Feelings
Avoid “Offensive Listening”
Listening effectively is difficult because people vary in their communication skills and in how clearly they express themselves, and often have different needs, wants and purposes for interacting. The different types of interaction or levels of communication also adds to the difficulty. The four different types or levels are.
Clichés.
Facts.  
Thoughts and beliefs.
Feelings and emotions.

14. Avoid Filtering or Oversimplifying Recognize Own Biases
Styles of Listening—Nonjudgmental and Critical
Keep Open Mind
Avoid Filtering or Oversimplifying
Recognize Own Biases
Avoid Uncritical Listening
As a listener we attend to the level that we think is most important. Failing to recognize the level most relevant and important to the speaker can lead to a kind of crossed wires where the two people are not on the same wavelength. The purpose of the contact and the nature of our relationship with the person will usually determine what level or levels are appropriate and important for the particular interaction.

15. Note the different requirements in the following situations:
You’re lost, and you ask a stranger for directions. Your child comes to you crying. You are in trouble and someone offers to help. Your spouse is being affectionate and playful. Opposing council is cross-examining you in court.
If we don’t address the appropriate elements we will not be very effective, and can actually make the situation worse. For example: If your wife is telling you about her hurt feelings and you focus on the facts of the situation and don’t acknowledge her feelings, she will likely become even more upset.

16. Styles of Listening Surface and Depth Focus on Verbal and Nonverbal
Listen for Content and Relational Messages
Note Statements that Refer Back to Speaker
Don’t Disregard Literal Meanings
There is a real distinction between merely hearing the words and really listening for the message. When we listen effectively we understand what the person is thinking and/or feeling from the other person’s own perspective. It is as if we were standing in the other person’s shoes, seeing through his/her eyes and listening through the person's ears. Our own viewpoint may be different and we may not necessarily agree with the person, but as we listen, we understand from the other's perspective. To listen effectively, we must be actively involved in the communication process, and not just listening passively.

17. Styles of Listening Active and Inactive Paraphrase Speaker’s Meaning
Express Understanding of Speaker’s Feelings
Ask Questions
We all act and respond on the basis of our understanding, and too often there is a misunderstanding that neither of us is aware of. With active listening, if a misunderstanding has occurred, it will be known immediately, and the communication can be clarified before any further misunderstanding occurs.

18. For discussion
Reviewing the personal listening preferences in the text, which do you use most often? With which do you feel the most comfortable? Least comfortable? Are you able to adopt different styles to different situations? 

19. TQLR
T -- Tune in (The listener must tune in to the speaker and the subject, mentally calling up everything known about the subject and shutting out all distractions.)
Q -- Question (The listener should mentally formulate questions. What will this speaker say about this topic? What is the speaker's background? I wonder if the speaker will talk about...?)
L -- Listen (The listener should organize the information as it is received, anticipating what the speaker will say next and reacting mentally to everything heard.)
R -- Review (The listener should go over what has been said, summarize, and evaluate constantly. Main ideas should be separated from subordinate ones.)

20. Activity
Listening to the sounds in your environment. What do you hear?