1. Conflict Resolution: Part 2
Richard Jones MA, MBA, LCAS, CCS, CCS, CEAP

2. Agenda What is a crucial conversation?
Big Picture Framework: less about technique; more about self-awareness. Less about the “head” more about the “heart”.
How do you view human behavior? Why do people do what they do?

3. Master My Stories Separate facts from stories
Watch for three clever stories
Victim, Villain and Helpless
Tell the rest of the story

4. Stories…Everyone has a different perspective

5. How do we write the story?
Previous experiences with the person…
Archetype… (generalizations)
Other relationships…
Growing up we are told things…
Society tells us how to think…
Our own self perception…

6. Changing our attitude If my underlying assumption is:
I am right, you are wrong
I am well-intentioned
You are misinformed
You are acting on a selfish basis
I need to persuade you to do what I know is right
…..then conflict is likely to result

7. However - if I ‘re-frame’ the situation……...
What I see is just one perspective
I may be missing something
You may see something I’ve missed
You have good intentions (we can pretend you do even if it’s hard to spot!)
Then the conversation is likely to be more productive…

8. Other re-framing strategies
If someone is being really difficult
Try to see the situation through their eyes..... (e.g. Are they under pressure from someone else?)
Imagine something unimaginably awful has happened to the person recently (it may not be true but it can help!)

9. Win-Win Scenario
Holding a crucial conversation with the intention of both parties coming out on the “winning end”…. Both parties benefit from the dialogue.

10. Start with Heart Work on me first Focus on what you really want
Refuse the Sucker’s Choice

11. Refuse the “Sucker’s Choice”
Don’t fall prey to a Sucker’s Choice. A Sucker’s Choice is a this or a that, an either / or … etc. The assumption is that you have to trade one thing for another.
Find an “and” solution over “either / or“. Find a way to have it both ways. Challenge yourself to seek the higher ground.
Know what you want and what you don’t want. Stating what you want and don’t want are powerful because they clarify your intentions.

12. Make It Safe Apologize when appropriate
Contrast to fix misunderstandings
Create Mutual Purpose

13. STATE My Path Share your facts Tell your story
Ask for others’ paths (what)
Talk tentatively
Encourage testing (how)

14. STATE My Path Am I really open to others’ views?
Am I confidently expressing my own views?

15. Explore Others’ Paths & Actively Listen
Ask opened questions
Paraphrase/Reflect
Prime

16. Explore Others’ Paths Am I actively exploring others’ views?
Can I really put myself in another person’s shoes?
Jill arrives to work a little late. She is short with you while you are both getting coffee in the kitchen. She walks away in a “huff” despite your effort to engage her in conversation… What the???

17. What is up with that?
First thoughts?
What could be going on?
What things play into your reaction to Jill?