1. FRATERNAL CORRECTION IN THE SPIRIT OF BLESSED FREDERIC OZANAM

2. [PRAYER . . .]
“Never let evil talk pass your lips; say only the good things men need to hear, things that will really help them. . . Get rid of all bitterness, all passion and anger, harsh words, slander, and malice of every kind. In place of them, be kind to one another, compassionate, and mutually forgiving, just as God has forgiven you in Christ.” Ephesians 4: 29-32
HERE’S WHAT I HOPE TO ACCOMPLISH TODAY

3. PROBLEM STATEMENT . . .
There appears to be an increasing incidence of members of the Society using “bullying” tactics against other members to control membership or to get their way.
HERE’S WHAT I HOPE TO ACCOMPLISH TODAY

4. ... Begin a conversation OBJECTIVES TODAY . . .
Shine light on bullying
Understand impact of bullying
Identify helpful approaches
Develop moral courage
... Begin a conversation
WHAT I WON’T DO . . .
HAVE ALL THE ANSWERS
SOLVE THE PROBLEM OF BULLYING
MOSTLY – I JUST WANT TO BEGIN A CONVERSATION

5. WHERE DO WE BEGIN?
“The Society has only one purpose: to sanctify its members in the exercise of charity and to help the poor in their corporal and spiritual needs.”
[Blessed Frederic Ozanam, Manual Ch. 3]
A GOOD PLACE TO BEGIN OUR CONVERSATION IS WITH THE ESSENTIAL ELEMENTS : SPIRITUALITY, FRIENDSHIP, AND SERVICE
THESE THREE ELEMENTS ARE THE FOUNDATION OF OUR LIFE AS VINCENTIANS
THE MOST IMPORTANT – THE FOUNDATION FOR ALL OTHERS – IS SPIRITUALITY – SANCTIFYING OURSELVES AND OTHERS
MOST IMPORTANT BECAUSE
(A) WE CAN ONLY KEEP DOING WHAT WE’RE DOING IF WE RECOGNIZE THAT WE DO IT TO BE THE FACE OF CHRIST
(B) IT’S THE ONLY INDISPUTABLE APPROACH TO EXERCISING CHARITY AND HELPING THE POOR
THE THREE ESSENTIAL ELEMENTS GIVE US A COMMON LANGUAGE AND A COMMON STANDARD

6. THE 3 ESSENTIAL ELEMENTS. . .
Build on the 3 Essential Elements
Spirituality
Friendship
Service
Spiritual growth is our primary goal
Standard for our behavior
Common language
WHAT I WON’T DO . . .
HAVE ALL THE ANSWERS
SOLVE THE PROBLEM OF BULLYING
MOSTLY – I JUST WANT TO BEGIN A CONVERSATION

7. WHAT IS BULLYING?
Repeatedly using superior position, strength, or personality to intimidate someone, typically to force him or her to do what one wants.
Synonyms:
tyrannize
browbeat
harass
strong-arm
dominate
REPEATEDLY
INTIMIDATE
OFTEN WITH PERSONALITY
WHAT ARE SOME EXAMPLES/TYPES OF BULLYING? . . .

8. TYPES OF BULLYING Repeatedly using . . . Non-verbal
Sarcastic put-downs
Exclusion
Invading personal space
Accusing/blaming
Public ridicule
. . . To Intimidate and Control
THE KEY IS :
. . . REPEATEDLY
. . . TO INTIMIDATE/CONTROL

9. IS IT VINCENTIAN BEHAVIOR?
“Frank cordiality characterizes Vincentians. It springs from the friendship that united the founders and remains traditional in Councils and Conferences. Members manifest mutual respect and affection. Cordiality springs not from blood relation or mandate, but from a spiritual bond.”
[Manual Ch. 3]
THIS IS A GOOD DEFINITION OF VINCENTIAN BEHAVIOR TOWARDS EACH OTHER
NOTE THAT IT IS ONCE AGAIN BASED ON SPIRITUALITY – OUR COMMON LANGUAGE

10. SMALL GROUP DISCUSSION . . .
Have you witnessed or experienced bullying in the Society, towards you or others?
How did it make you feel?
How does bullying affect the Society?

11. Insecure Lonely Controlling Intimidating ( …And Vincentians)
WHO ARE THESE BULLIES?
Insecure
Lonely
Controlling
Intimidating
( …And Vincentians)
AND VINCENTIANS – AND THAT’S THE CHALLENGE . . .
THESE ARE OUR BROTHERS AND SISTERS
WE DON’T WANT TO BELIEVE THEY ARE ACTING IN AN EVIL WAY
AND EVEN IF WE DO, WE FIND IT HARD TO CREATE DISSENSION IN AN ORGANIZATION THAT’S BASEDE ON SPIRITUALITY AND FRIENDSHIP
SO WE JUST LIVE WITH IT, RIGHT? OR WE LEAVE THE CONFERENCE OR . . .
IS THAT WHAT GOD WANTS? IS THAT WHAT BLESSED FREDERIC WOULD HAVE CFONDONED?

12. (. . . And Vincentians?)
We assume they are good people at heart;
We don’t want to create dissension within the Conference;
We are conscious of our own weaknesses
…but we also have a spiritual responsibility to them, ourselves, and others.
AND VINCENTIANS – AND THAT’S THE CHALLENGE . . .
THESE ARE OUR BROTHERS AND SISTERS
WE DON’T WANT TO BELIEVE THEY ARE ACTING IN AN EVIL WAY
AND EVEN IF WE DO, WE FIND IT HARD TO CREATE DISSENSION IN AN ORGANIZATION THAT’S BASEDE ON SPIRITUALITY AND FRIENDSHIP
SO WE JUST LIVE WITH IT, RIGHT? OR WE LEAVE THE CONFERENCE OR . . .
IS THAT WHAT GOD WANTS? IS THAT WHAT BLESSED FREDERIC WOULD HAVE CFONDONED?

13. WE ARE CALLED TO JOY . . . You are God’s precious child. . .
“The Society has only one purpose: to sanctify its members.”
You are God’s precious child. . .
You deserve respect . . .
You are a Vincentian!
You deserve Joy!
“Vincentians are called to journey together towards holiness . . .” WE
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14. THE COST OF SILENCE . . .
Bullying will continue
Chases volunteers away
Reduces effectiveness
Ruins reputation of SVDP
Steals our joy!

15. SMALL GROUP DISCUSSION . . .
What keeps us from confronting bullies?
What should we do?
What might work?
What won’t work?

16. LOVE THEM ENOUGH TO SPEAK UP!
WHAT ARE WE TO DO?
“Vincentians are called to journey together towards holiness They grow more perfect in love by expressing compassionate and tender love to the poor and one another.” [Rule 2.2]
LOVE THEM ENOUGH TO SPEAK UP!

17. PHASE I: PRE-CONFRONTATION
Assume good intentions
Listen to them
Take it to prayer
Examine our conscience
Decide where to draw the line

18. VIRTUE OF HUMILITY . . .
“Humility: Accepting the truth about our frailties, gifts, talents, and charism.”
[Rule 2.5.1]

19. PHASE II: CONFRONTATION
Preparation
- Specific Examples
- Cognitive Rehearsal
- Use the Rule: Our Call to Holiness
Begin 1:1, then 2:1
Involve higher officer or Council if necessary

20. DON’T GIVE UP . . .
“If your brother sins [against you], go and tell him his fault… If he does not listen, take one or two others along…If he refuses to listen to them, tell the Church.”
[Mt 18:15-17]

21. IN CONCLUSION . . . Bullying exists within the Society!
Bullying steals our joy!
Focus on Spiritual Growth – self & other!
Practice Moral Courage!
“O God, I will what you will, when you will it, in whatever way you will, because you will.” [Bl. Frederic Ozanam]

22. IF YOU DON’T, WHO WILL?
“Being consistently holy in the world is a continual challenge. Each of us knows our own human frailties and the ease with which our virtue can be eroded by our human tendencies.
Through the example and continual challenge of our fellow Vincentians, our virtue is strengthened. We learn to see and love God in the person of the other.”

23. START THE CONVERSATION . . .
Discuss this presentation with your Conferences!
John Heithaus
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