1. Attitudes about Grieving

2. Grief
defined in the dictionary as “an affliction of deep, acute sorrow; sadness and distress.”
natural response to loss

3. Grieving normal, healthy, healing activity
an experience we all encounter as part of the human condition
something that humans MUST DO in order to survive losses
it is hard - learn how to “grieve well”

4. Cultural Influences/Messages
sad feelings are inappropriate, awkward, and often selfish
people should behave in a way that makes everyone else around them feel comfortable
it’s unpleasant to see someone in emotional pain - emotional pain, unlike physical pain, is not acceptable in American culture
grief is taboo

5. Pain & the Process
pain won’t go away just because we deny it exists - the more pain is denied, the harder it becomes to identify, deal with, and grow from
pain is an essential part of any growth process
in our fast-paced world we have come to expect fast results - we have become impatient with the process
the only way to get through something is to get THROUGH it - all the way through it, and it has to take as long as it takes
NO SHORTCUTS!

6. Pain & the Process
it is easy to avoid suffering because we look for ways to “grow” because of it
can’t skip the healing process - trying to do that will make you feel worse
cheating yourself of the necessary time to feel bad is cheating yourself of the only process that could really heal you

7. Pain & the Process pain that is met head-on is always understood fully
important emphasis is on truly facing the total reality of the situation - be aware and accept the outer circumstances and one’s full inner responses to it

8. Good Friday
only good in retrospect - at the time it happened it was bad
pretending that real distress and real despair never happened is rejecting the possibility for redemption
if it had been “good,” Easter would not mean as much

9. Comfort & Hope
the needed strength to experience grief and go through it is already within ourselves
others who care about us can help us find access to it, so we can allow ourselves to take the time we need to go all the way through our own grief process

10. Comfort & Hope
“comfort” - comes from the Latin words meaning “with strength”
to be comforted is to be given the strength to meet a situation, to face it fully

11. Comfort & Hope hope doesn’t erase the pain
pain becomes bearable when we have hope and we are able to trust that it won’t last forever
whatever pain or loss we experience, they are a part of what makes us unique
hope allows us to learn to bear them with dignity as signs of what life has taught us

12. 5 Stages of Grief: Kubler-Ross Model
5 stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance
assists in learning how to live with loss
tools that help identify what your feeling
NOT a complete list of all possible emotions
can occur in any order - do not enter and leave each individual stage in a linear fashion. We may feel one, then another and back again to the first one
not everyone feels all 5 stages
all stages are responses to feelings

13. DABDA

14. Denial first of the 5 stages
where individuals believe that situation is somehow mistaken
helps us survive the loss
helps us cope and pace our feelings of grief
it’s nature’s way of letting in only as much as we can handle
as you accept reality and start to ask questions, you are unknowingly beginning the healing process
all the feelings you were denying begins to surface in other stages

15. Anger necessary stage of the healing process
when the person can no longer deny the situation, the natural response is anger
“Why me?” “It’s not fair!” “Who is to blame?” “How could this happen to me?” “Why could this happen?” “Where is God?”
underneath anger is pain
it is natural to feel deserted or abandoned
being angry gives you something to hold onto and feeling anger feels better than feeling nothing
is an indication of the intensity of your love

16. Bargaining
involves a hope that you can avoid grief by negotiating, bargaining, or compromising
become lost in a maze of “If only…” or “What if…” or I’ll do anything…”
Guilt is a common feeling in this stage - causes us to find fault in ourselves and what we “think” we could have done differently
may even bargain with the pain - feel as if you will do anything not to feel the pain of the loss

17. Depression in this stage, grief enters our life on a deeper level
feels as if this stage will last forever
depression is not a sign of mental illness, but an appropriate response to loss
common responses: withdraw from life, be left in a fog of intense sadness, wondering if there is any point in going on alone? Why go on at all?
Depression after a loss is too often seen as unnatural: a state to be fixed, something to snap out of.
If grief is a process of healing, then depression is one of the many necessary steps along the way.

18. Acceptance
often confused with the notion of being “OK” - some people may never feel “OK” about certain losses
this stage is about accepting the reality of the situation - this is how it is now
we learn to live with a new norm and readjust
Finding acceptance may be just having more good days than bad ones
Instead of denying our feelings, we listen to our needs; we move, we change, we grow, we evolve.
We begin to live again, but we cannot do so until we have given grief its time.