1. Revising Your Expository Essay

2. Label Your Essay Underline your Thesis Statement
Put a box around your 2 Reasons
Circle your Examples
The Pearl
Your Choice (real life event, personal, movie, hollywood, athlete)
Double underline your Conclusion

3. Revision Step 1: Intro Strategies
Beginning with a short, startling statement that needs further explanation.
“I don’t talk on Sundays. I haven’t in more than three years.”
Defining the central term of the prompt. For example, focus on the meaning of the term “hardship” before explaining how hardships are necessary.
Beginning with background information necessary to understand the explanation or examples.

4. Revision Step 2: Clear Thesis
THESIS: The central/controlling idea or argument of your essay. A thesis statement tells your purpose for writing or gives your opinion about a topic.
Does your thesis statement include your two reasons?
Does it include the words “greed,” “effects,” and “someone’s life”? Or a variation of those words?

5. Revision Step 3: Topic Sentences and Conclusion Sentences
Look at your first sentence of each of your body paragraphs. Does it have an effect of greed?
REMEMBER: It shouldn’t mention The Pearl or your non-fiction example specifically.
Look at your last sentence of each body paragraph. Does it wrap up that example by explaining the importance of that effect of greed?

6. Revision Step 4: Strong Evidence
What are your two examples?
In your example, will your reader understand who did what and when?
If not, what can you add?
Will your reader understand why this happened?
If not, how can you expand?

7. Re-writing your Essay
With these changes in mind, re-write your essay on the provided 26-line paper.
Consider making these changes as we have discussed:
New introduction that ends with a clear thesis statement.
Elaborate or change your examples in each paragraph- include more specific detail.
Add an effective conclusion
Check that every sentence is focused on proving your thesis.
Look at word choice- strong verbs, precise adjectives, and avoid repetitive wording.
Check for any and all grammatical errors.
Check your essay with the rubric- what score would you give yourself?

8. Record examples of the following terms in your packet based on your essay:
Thesis—a sentence that states the point of the essay, usually at the end of the introduction
Supporting details—specific details that prove or support the thesis, found in the body paragraph(s)
Topic sentence—the first sentence of a body paragraph that states the point of the paragraph