2. Developing an Effective Parenting Style
Chapter 5
Developing an Effective Parenting Style

3. Key Terms social competence parenting style authoritarian permissive
democratic
communication
active listening
open communication
“you” messages
“I” messages
“we” messages
problem ownership
win/win method
time-out
natural consequences
logical consequences
self-discipline
self-concept
self-esteem
behavioral reflections

4. Objective
Summarize how nurturance, behavioral expectations, communication, and control impact effective parenting.

5. Effective Parenting Strategies
Not until adulthood do children develop
knowledge of society’s values and expectations
social competence
Parenting strategies include balancing
nurturance
behavioral expectations
communication
effective control

6. Nurturance Helps children develop good feelings about themselves
Is primarily sensitive, loving care and attention
As children age, parents gradually replace direct care with supportive care
Direct and supportive care involve observing and listening to children

7. Behavioral Expectations
Should be high, but realistic
Help parents guide children to develop appropriate skills
Parents need to know how a child’s development progresses so they know what to expect of children and how to communicate with them

8. Communication Can strengthen the family bond
Impacts children’s social skills and other areas of development

9. Effective Control
All children need and want to know what their limits are
Caring parents guide and control behavior in ways that allow children to learn the social skills they will use throughout life
Control methods should be firm, but not harsh

10. In Your Opinion
What are some times of the day that parents and children might have regular routines?
How can parents use these routines to communicate with their children?

11. Objective Distinguish among three types of parenting styles.
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Credit: Scott Liddell

12. Impact of Parenting Styles
Parents determine their parenting styles and practices according to their own values and
knowledge of child development
cultural background
socioeconomic status
own childhood relationships
the child’s age, gender, and temperament

13. Characteristics of Authoritarian Style Parents
Authoritarian characteristics:
Behavioral expectations are set very high
Offer little or no explanations
Value obedience, high control, and punishment
Have low levels of nurturance compared to other parenting styles

14. Characteristics of Children of Authoritarian Parents
Children may not feel unconditional love
Children in these families rarely make decisions on their own
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Credit: Charmaine Swar

15. Characteristics of Permissive Style Parents
Permissive characteristics:
Allow children to make their own decisions
Use very few limits and very little guidance or consistent discipline
Low behavioral expectations, communication, and behavior control by parents

16. Characteristics of Children of Permissive Parents
While the permissive style parents’ nurturing levels are high, the children are often insecure because they have no boundaries
Children may be confused because of the inconsistent discipline

17. Characteristics of Democratic Style Parents
Democratic characteristics:
Talk openly with children
Use limits, yet allow for freedom
Set high behavioral standards and provide rationale to children
High in nurturance, communication, and control

18. Characteristics of Children of Democratic Parents
These children choose their own behavior and make their own decisions with guidance from parents
Children are independent and develop decision-making skills

19. Choosing a Style That Fits
A family’s parenting styles can depend on the family’s
culture
structure
social system
Parenting experts favor the democratic style

20. In Your Opinion
Parenting has a major impact on children’s social competence. Which parenting style do you think has the best long-term outcomes for children?

21. Objective
Analyze the influence of effective communication on parent-child relationships, including the use of active listening and verbal and nonverbal communication.
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Credit: Mary Vogt

22. The Importance of Communication
Communication includes
messages sent
messages received
Nonverbal communication includes body movements, facial expressions, and tone of voice
Verbal communication includes spoken and written words

23. Children Are Sensitive to Communication
Verbal and nonverbal communication often occur together
Nonverbal cues intensify verbal messages
Children are receptive and sensitive to how their parents communicate with them

24. Effectively Using Nonverbal Communication
The emotional content of a message is given more accurately by nonverbal communication
Active listening is important for emotional understanding, sharing thoughts and feelings, and building trust
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25. Using Open Communication
Open communication helps parents and children communicate honestly
“You” messages may cause conflicts and create defensiveness and resistance
“I” messages allow a speaker to declare how he or she feels without attacking others
“We” messages increase the togetherness and sense of cooperation in a relationship

26. Objective Describe how to handle the three types of problem ownership.
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Credit: Mary Vogt

27. Using Communication Techniques for Specific Problems
To choose communication techniques that fit certain situations, parents have to define problem ownership
The person who owns a problem is the person most concerned or upset by it
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28. Using Communication Techniques for Specific Problems
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Picture A: Nesstor4u2
Picture B: alissondesigner
Picture C: Robb
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29. Using Communication Techniques for Specific Problems
In the win/win method, parents and children own the problem together

30. In Your Opinion
Is communicating with young children really that important? Why or why not?

31. Objective
Explain how parents should choose and implement consequences and punishment for misbehavior.

32. Implementing Control
Parents can learn to effectively implement control by
giving positive consequences
using negative consequences
implementing consequences
being a positive role model

33. Giving Positive Consequences
Reinforce the child with a positive personal message
Acknowledge the benefits of following a rule over a period of time
Give privileges connected to the desired behaviors

34. Using Negative Consequences
Reduce the chances that the child will repeat undesired behaviors
Teach desirable alternative behaviors

35. Objective
Contrast punishment with natural and logical consequences for misbehavior.
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Credit: Charmaine Swart

36. Punishment Use punishment with care Choose punishment that fits
Use punishment, such as a time-out, infrequently
Use natural and logical consequences

37. Use Natural Consequences
Natural consequences show children how the misbehavior brings the consequences
Example: coming home late for dinner = cold food
Note: Natural consequences should not be used if the child’s health or safety is in danger

38. Use Logical Consequences
Parents plan and explain logical consequences
Example: “If you do not put your dirty clothes in the laundry basket, you will not have clean clothes.”
The child changes the behavior to avoid the consequence

39. Implementing Consequences
State the rule
If the child does not comply, give an “either-or” warning
Summarize the situation and repeat the warning
Restate the consequence
Implement the consequence and ignore any pleas from the child

40. Parents as Positive Role Models
Parents are their children’s primary role models
They imitate and identify with their parents’
language
behaviors
emotions
values
Parents must be aware of examples they set

41. In Your Opinion
When is it most appropriate to guide children using positive consequences? When is it appropriate to use negative consequences?

42. Objective
Describe how parents develop self-control and self-discipline in their children.

43. Developing Self-Control and Self-Discipline
Teaching children cultural norms allows them to see what acceptable levels of self-control and self-discipline are
Children must be able to separate their feelings from their actions
Each child has different levels of self-discipline or self-control

44. Encouraging Self-Control and Self-Discipline
Recognize children’s emotional state and respond appropriately
Reduce negative emotions through sensitive and responsive caregiving
Avoid high levels of stress with which children are not yet ready to cope
Comfort children who are sad or fearful
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45. Encouraging Self-Control and Self-Discipline
Parents should also
set realistic behavioral expectations
promote positive communication
enforce reasonable rules

46. Handling Aggression Types of aggression include
accidental
expressive
instrumental
hostile
Parents must set firm limits to let children know aggression is unacceptable
Avoiding physical punishment is important

47. In Your Opinion
Do you think most children see physical punishment as a reinforcement of their aggressive behavior? Why or why not?

48. Objective
Summarize how parents encourage healthy self-concept and self-esteem in their children.

49. Increasing Self-Concept and Self-Esteem
If self-concept is
healthy, children see themselves as they really are
unhealthy, children may have unrealistic ideas about themselves
Self-esteem is an evaluation of self-concept
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50. Fostering Self-Concept and Self-Esteem
Parents can
provide nurturance
set realistic behavioral expectations
promote positive communication, including using behavioral reflections as their child works toward goals
enforce reasonable rules

51. Avoiding Overindulgence
Indulgent parents think any upset hurts their child’s self-esteem
This may actually harm child’s self-esteem as much as overly harsh parents do

52. Popular Parenting Methods

53. Why Is Positive Parenting Important?
It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men. ~ Frederick Douglas
The solution to adult problems tomorrow depends in large measure upon how our children grow up today. ~ Margaret Mead