1. Conflict Resolution and Communication Skills for Leaders
Presented by:
Erin E. Lawler, J.D., M.S.
Texas Council of Community Centers
June 22, 2018

2. Disclaimer: Educational Only
This training is provided for general information and educational purposes only. It does not constitute legal advice or opinions. The information is not intended to create, and the receipt does not constitute, an attorney-client relationship between trainer and participant. For legal advice, you should consult an attorney.

3. Continuing Legal Education
This session qualifies for 1.5 hours of CLE credit.
Course Title: 33rd Annual Texas Council Conference
Course Number:
Date: June 20-22, 2018
Please request credit on the State Bar website.

4. Purpose

5. Roles you play as a leader
Negotiator
Facilitator
Mediator

6. Demonstration: Upgrading the website
Featuring:
Director – played by Erin Lawler
Chief Financial Officer (CFO) – played by Special Guest Star

7. What makes conversations difficult?
Philosophical differences between the people
About the mission
About money
About tradition versus change
Power imbalances
Number asymmetries
Need to preserve good relations for the future

8. Demonstration: Upgrading the website
Watch the demonstration again
What made this conversation different?
What strategies did the Director use?

9. Strategies used by the Director
Listened (paraphrased, offered opportunity to correct)
Acknowledged the other person as a person
Acknowledged other person’s competence
Asked open-ended questions
Agreed without conceding

10. Negotiator

11. Interaction
Person A and Person B

12. Does negotiating make you nervous?

13. A tool for change when change requires the agreement of another person
Negotiation
A tool for change when change requires the agreement of another person

14. Why negotiate?
Example: negotiating results in $1,000 reduction in printing costs
“It’s just $1,000!” OR its
Travel to an out-of-state conference for a team member
Technology upgrades for staff
Ability to help another client

15. Traits of successful negotiations:
Low ambiguity
Collaborative approach

16. 1) Lower the ambiguity: preparation
Know your own side of the story: a) target value b) reservation value c) alternatives

17. a) Target value Ask: what do you want to get out of the negotiation?
Ambitious, but not impossible

18. b) Reservation value Ask: what is the least you would accept?
Realistic

19. c) Alternatives
Ask: if you can’t come to an agreement, what will you do?
Also known as “walk-away options” or
Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement (BATNA)
Realistic

20. Sarah’s story.
Sarah is organizing a training. She receives a bid from a training venue for use of space.
The venue offers to rent Sarah its space for $3,000.
Sarah determines:
What she really wants to pay: $2,000 (target value)
The most she can afford to pay: $2,700 (reservation value)
Her alternative: keep looking for another venue
Should Sarah make a counteroffer? If so, for how much?

21. Scenario 1: Sarah asks for what she wants
Sarah asks for $2,000 her target value.
The venue counteroffers with $2,500.
This “splits the difference” between the venue’s initial offer of $3,000 and Sarah’s counteroffer of $2,000.
Sarah accepts and pays the venue $2,500 for the use of its space.

22. Sarah’s counter-offer
$2,000
$2,500
$3,000
Scenario 1: Sarah asks for what she wants
Sarah’s counter-offer
Agreed amount
Venue’s offer

23. Scenario 2: Sarah asks for more than what she wants
Sarah asks for $1,700 which is $300 less than her target of $2,000.
Remember: in this case, more is less!
The venue counteroffers with $2,350.
This “splits the difference” between the venue’s initial offer of $3,000 and Sarah’s counteroffer of $1,700.
Sarah accepts and pays the venue $2,350.

24. Sarah’s counter-offer
Scenario 2: Sarah asks for more than what she wants
Sarah’s counter-offer
Agreed amount
Venue’s offer
$1,700
$2,230
$3,000

25. $2,000
$2,500
$3,000
Scenario 1: Sarah asks for what she wants
Scenario 2: Sarah asks for more
Sarah’s counter-offer
Agreed amount
Venue’s offer
Sarah’s counter-offer
Agreed amount
Venue’s offer
$1,700
$2,230
$3,000

26. Sarah’s story: alternatives
How could Sarah’s alternatives have made a difference?
A strong alternative increases bargaining power.
Imagine that there is only one training venue in town. Sarah’s alternative is weak: hold the training online or find a venue in another town.
Imagine that Sarah has another bid in hand from a different venue that is more affordable. Her alternative is strong: accept the other bid.

27. Other reasons to prepare: Preparation helps with stress

28. Learn the other side of the story
What:
What is important to him/her about this deal?
Don’t assume his/her interests are the opposite of yours
How:
Research (online or using contacts)
Ask questions in the negotiation itself
Use reciprocal information sharing

29. How to gather information in the negotiation
“I want to be sure that I have a clear picture of the challenges you face. Can we talk about that?”
“Among the issues we’re discussing today, [time/cost/quality] is most important to me. Is that true for you or is another issue more important?”
“I know that you are balancing a lot of competing interests. Can you describe them to me so that I have a better idea of what they are?”

30. 2) Use a collaborative approach
Focus on interests, not positions
Positions: what people walk in the room wanting
Interests: underlying values behind positions
Use interests to generate options

31. Positions versus Interests

32. Positions versus Interests

33. Practice identifying positions and interests
What was the Director’s position in the demonstration?
What was the CFO’s position in the demonstration?
What was the Director’s interest(s) in the demonstration?
What was the CFO’s interest(s) in the demonstration?

35. Putting interests to work
Frame your proposals in terms of the other party’s interests.
Examples:
“I know productivity is important to you, which is why I am proposing….”
“You mentioned that you are interested in reducing costs. My proposal will reduce costs by…”

36. Summary: how to be a successful negotiator
Lower ambiguity through preparation.
Know your side of the story
Learn the other person’s story
Create a collaborative tone.
Focus on interests

37. Facilitator

38. What is a facilitator?
A facilitator is a guide who helps people move through a process together.
Facilitation focuses on how people participate in the process of planning or making a decision, not just on what gets achieved.

39. A good facilitator creates a collaborative environment
To reduce tension and negative emotions
To avoid getting stuck (impasse)
To reach a resolution or make a decision that satisfies everyone
To preserve relationships

40. Communication skills for facilitators
a) listening b) acknowledging c) agreeing d) asking open-ended questions

41. Listening Demonstration
Dogs versus cats

43. a) Listening Listen actively -Do not: interrupt
-Do: make eye contact, nod, say “I see,”
-When a person winds down, ask if he/she would like to add anything
Demonstrate that you have heard
-Do: paraphrase and ask for corrections
-Do: acknowledge emotion

44. Tips for paraphrasing Use neutral language to avoid discomfort
Examples:
“I hear you saying that…”
“I understand that…”
“It sounds like…”
PLUS
“…and ____ is important to you…”
Example: “It sounds like you are frustrated when the schedule for Board meetings changes and that consistency is important to you.”

45. b) Acknowledging Acknowledge their point
Say: “You have a point there,” “I know exactly what you mean,” or “I understand what you’re saying.”
Acknowledge their feelings
Say: “I appreciate how you feel” or “If I were in your shoes, I’d be just as_____.”
Acknowledge their authority and competence
Say: “I know that you are very knowledgeable about X.”

46. c) Agreeing Agree without conceding:
Move from thinking in terms of “either/or” to “yes/and.”
Say: “I can see why you feel the way you do. It’s entirely reasonable in terms of the experience that you have had. ___’s experience, however, has been different.”

47. d) Asking open-ended questions
Open-ended questions are not:
Closed questions
Leading questions
“Why” questions
Open-ended questions are:
Designed to solicit full responses
Often begin with “what” or “how”

48. Practice using open-ended questions
Ask the characters on the next slides some questions about what they are doing, thinking, or feeling

52. After you have created a collaborative environment and the group is ready to make a decision…

53. Reaching consensus Go slow to go fast: step by step approach
Start with the easiest issue to agree on or start with an experiment (“can we try this for one month?”)
Don’t ask for a final commitment until the end (“At this point, we are just exploring options. Nothing is agreed until everything is agreed.)”
Allow for breaks to consult with others, if needed
Make sure you have actually reached agreement (“Let’s make sure we have the same understanding of what we have agreed on” /go over each item carefully)

54. When consensus seems out of reach
Share information about the negative consequences of not reaching an agreement
Ask reality testing questions
“What do you think will happen if the group cannot agree?”
Discuss alternatives
Do not: frame your alternative as “what I will do to you if you do not agree” (threat)
Do: frame your alternative as the natural consequence of mutual failure to reach agreement (warning)

55. Summary: how to be a successful facilitator
Create a collaborative meeting environment
Listen, acknowledge, agree, ask open-ended questions
Build consensus
Use step-by-step approach

56. MEdiator

57. Dealing with that *One* Person…

59. Why won’t they just agree?
Not their idea
Fear of losing face

60. Make it their idea Ask for and build on their ideas
Say: “Building on your idea, what if we…?” “I got this idea from something you said earlier.”
Ask for constructive criticism
Say: “How would you improve on this idea?” “Which interests of yours does this approach fail to satisfy?”
Offer them choices
Say: “I can do A, B, or C. Which would you prefer?”

61. Allow them to save face Help them back away without backing down
Show how circumstances have changed
Say: “Your reluctance to try a new approach to fundraising was the right approach when we didn’t have enough members to work on a new project. Now that membership has grown, it makes sense to look into other options.”
Ask for a third-party recommendation
A proposal that is unacceptable coming from you, may be acceptable from an independent expert
Point to a standard of fairness
Usual standards: law, rules, regulations, bylaws or operating documents, precedent

62. How to respond to attacks and threats
Ignore the attack
Reframe a personal attack as an attack on the problem or as a positive
Reframe from past wrongs to future remedies

63. Ignore the attack or threat
Do not: draw attention to the attack or threat. Doing so makes it harder for the other person to walk away from it.
Do NOT say: “Don’t be ridiculous! You’d never do that.” or “I’d love to see you try.”
Do: keep talking about the problem

64. Reframe a personal attack as an attack on the problem
Example:
Attack: “You’re wasting everyone’s time. Don’t you know any better than to come in here with an idea that will never work?”
Response: “I hear that you have concerns about the workability of my idea. How would you improve the idea to make it work?”

65. Reframe from past wrongs to future remedies
Example:
Attack: “The accountant you recommended is irresponsible! He said he would have the budget report ready by our meeting, but it was two weeks late!”
Response: “That must have been frustrating. How can we work together to make sure that never happens again?”

66. How to close a meeting without closing the door
Do not: close the meeting as a bluff
Do: leave the door open for the other person to reopen discussions
Say: “I’m sorry, but the way we are discussing this today is not likely to lead to a constructive outcome. I’m ready to talk again anytime you are. Please give me a call when you are ready to reschedule this discussion.”

67. After a meeting or important decision…
If you succeed:
Dealing with the hangover.
If you don’t succeed:
Remember: if you never hear “no,” you aren’t asking enough.
Consider trying again after you have improved your alternatives.

68. Conclusion

69. Communication Skills in Leadership
Negotiator
Prepare; focus on interests
Facilitator
Create a collaborative environment (listen, acknowledge, agree, ask open-ended questions)
Mediator
Allow difficult people to save face and have ownership of ideas; take care of yourself

70. To contact the speaker

71. References Linda Babcock and Sara Laschever, Ask for It (2009).
Morten Lund, Mastering the Art of the Deal (2011).
William Ury, Getting Past No: Negotiating Your Way from Confrontation to Cooperation (1993).