1. Saying “No”
Julie Childers, MD

2. Why is it Important to be Able to Say “No”?

3. “If you don’t prioritize your life someone else will.” --Greg McKeown

4. Objectives Understand the importance of being able to say “No”
Decide on a few core priorities that are our ‘Yes’
Develop a plan for one or two things we want to say ‘No’ to
Assert your “No” without rejecting

5. When We Can’t Say “No” We think: “I have to” “It’s all important”
“How can I fit it all in?”

6. When We Can’t Say “No” We react to what’s most pressing
We take on too much
Work suffers
We feel out of control
We are overwhelmed and exhausted

7. Saying “No” When How

8. “The biggest obstacle to saying ‘No’ successfully is not the other
– it is ourselves.”
The Power of a Positive No, p. 28

9. Saying “No” When How

10. When We Can Say “No” We think: “I choose to”
“Only certain things really matter”
“What are the trade-offs?”

11. When we can say “no” We pause to discern our priorities
We choose carefully in order to do great work
We feel in control
We get the right things done
We live a life that really matters

12. Exercise Look back over the last year or two
Identify something that you said “yes” to that you wish you had said “no” to
Make two columns
Reasons I said “yes”
Reasons I should have said “no”
It can be something in their personal life if they don’t have anything in their professional life.
Have people share these reasons they said “yes” and reasons they should have said “no”

14. My example Reasons I said “yes” Reasons I should have said “no”
Flattered to be asked
Chance to network
Enhancing my visibility outside of the institution
Learning
Money
Project only tangentially related to my core interests
Travel

15. From senior faculty
“Do I have the time?” “Do I like the people?” Changes over the course of career Earlier: “Will it enhance my visibility?” “Will it serve a need?” Later: “Is it my passion?” “Who do I want to work with?”

16. Uncovering Your Yes Two questions:
1. What is important to you in your professional life?
What (or who) is important to you in your personal life?
From each list, circle 1-3 things that are most important

17. Uncovering Your Yes
List as many of your current commitments as you can think of right now Clinical roles Administrative responsibilities Projects Family commitments

18. Exercise
In partners Each person name those commitments that do not fit into their short list Choose one that you will commit to saying “no” to within the next three to six months

20. Saying “No” When How

21. Example
Dear Dr. Childers, We would like to invite you to present a guest lecture at our monthly XX Grand Rounds Series on X date, XX Grand Rounds is a monthly lecture series sponsored by the XX Department at the University of Pittsburgh. In attendance are department residents as well as faculty and researchers from across Pitt's campus. The lectures occur on the third Wednesday of the month from 7am-8am. Would you be available to present on this day? Thank you for your time and I look forward to hearing from you!

23. When offered an opportunity
Take a time out “Let me think about it and I’ll get back to you tomorrow” “I need to consult my partner, check my schedule, etc

24. When Offered an Opportunity
Notice your emotions
Guilt, feeling flattered
Take a deep breath
Uncover your interests:
What Yes lies behind your “no”?
Validate that “yes”
What is your “no” based on?
Specific to timing, or global

25. Assert without Rejecting: Yes, No, Yes
Express your “yes”
“Thank you for thinking of me”
“This is an important project but…”
“I’d love to but…”
“I wish I could…”

26. Assert your “No” Yes, No, Yes
You do not need to give reasons
“For family reasons I am not taking on additional commitments at this time”
“That doesn’t work for me”
“That is not in my area of expertise”
“I’d love to but I’m already overcommitted”
“I wish I could.”
“I’m going to have to say “no” for now. I’ll let you know if something changes.

27. Assert without Rejecting: Yes, No, Yes
How can you offer to help without negating your “no”?
Conditions under which you could say “yes”
Suggest someone else
Conditional offer (another time)
Keep calm – notice your emotions and give a pause to think about priorities and discuss
Say “no” directly without excuses