1. How to improve your conversations
Antonia Coppen, Career Zone

2. Aims and learning outcomes
Identify meaning of assertiveness and benefits to you
Gain an insight into your behaviour and others
Examine the skills required to develop assertiveness
Introduction to tools and practical techniques to improve confidence, emotional intelligence and assertiveness
Practise assertiveness to develop effective communication
Reflect on further resources 1

3. Self Awareness Tendancy towards passive behaviour
Do you shrink away from situations which could be confrontational?
Would you like to be able to express your own views more confidently?
Tendancy towards passive behaviour
Do you like to get your own way most of the time?
Would you like to be able to influence people without upsetting them?
Tendancy towards aggressive behaviour

4. Respectful assertiveness - belief in the rights to have rights
Behaviour
NEEDS OF OTHERS ____________ BALANCED ______________ YOUR NEEDS
Respectful assertiveness - belief in the rights to have rights

5. Becoming assertive is not a mysterious gift.
It is an attitude of mind and a series of skills.
Once you have acquired these and have begun
to put them into practise, managing people
and situations becomes much easier.
Kate Keenan, Assert yourself

6. Body language Body language has a significant impact on communication.
How we communicate non-verbally affects how well our conversation is:
received
believed
responded to

7. Body language How do you feel when you aren’t being listened to?
How can you see someone is listening to you?

8. Emotional Intelligence Seek first to understand, then to be understood
Stephen Covey,
The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People
Ask yourself these 4 questions:
What is going on in their world at the moment?
What is important to them at this time?
Am I listening to understand or listening to defend?
Have I clearly communicated my perspective?
Paul Magee, How to succeed with people

9. Right time, Right place, Right frame of mind

10. Assertive Communication Steps
Active listening keep calm and focus, allow to speak, ask questions to clarify
Demonstrate you understand Be aware of non-verbals. Consider their feelings - ‘Gift of the Gap’ Don’t label people - separate behaviour from the person
Describe and express Use non-provocative language - state an issue clearly in factual terms Use ‘I’ (not ‘You’) to express the effect of an issue/behaviour on you, without venting actual emotions
Specify what you want to happen Be clear and specific. Focus on changes in behaviour or actions to rectify issue, without recrimination
Work out joint solutions and consequences Be open – be prepared for a ‘No’ or alternative view. Consider their ‘rights’

11. Assertive communication
Trio Activity Follow the process. Do not discuss general solutions. By practising you will be able to see how it can work for you.
A Briefly describe the scene and people involved
Then assertive yourself – be yourself not acting
B Pretend to be the other person in the situation while
A practices being assertive with you
C Observe the practice and give A feedback on the use
of the ingredients rather than the solution. Positive
and points for improvement
A Accept the feedback

12. Resources Assert Yourself, Kate Keenan (2015) Bath: Pocket Manager
Assertiveness at work, Ken Back and Kate Back (2005) Maidenhead: Mcgraw Hill Professional
10 ways to have a better conversation, Celeste Headlee
Paul Magee - How to succeed with people (How to reduce conflict and build better relationships)
Your body shapes who you are, Amy Cuddy
Your perfect right: Assertiveness and equality in your life and relationships, Alberti, R. & Emmons, M. (2017) 10th ed. Oakland, CA Impact Publishers. 
Overcoming Low Self-Esteem, Dr. Melanie Fennell (2009) London, Constable & Robinson Ltd
Rational Emotive Behaviour:
Johari’s window: