1. ENHANCING YOUR EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE
Laura Bevans, Talent Coach
Falmouth Employability Service
Introduction : to self and employability team at Falmouth.
Out of interest, how many here are Falmouth and how many Exeter?

2. ENHANCING YOUR EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE
By the end of this session you will:
Understand what we mean by emotional intelligence
Be able to identify the key factors and traits
Gain tips and strategies for approaching difficult conversations
Be able to prepare for a potentially challenging conversation
Deepen your understanding of empathetic behaviour
Implement active listening to everyday conversations
How does this sound? Is there anything else that anyone would like to touch upon in the session? There will be a chance for questions at the end….

3. SO, WHAT IS EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE?
The capacity to be aware of, control, and express one's emotions, and to handle interpersonal relationships judiciously and empathetically.
So, I think it’s fair to assume that we’re all familiar with working in a team, yes? Anyone want to shout out examples of the times you might work in a team?
Workplace
Course project
Committees, volunteering, societies, sports
Some of us might have slightly different take on what teamwork is than others, which is fine, but essentially, as mother Teresa here, says, - read quote.

4. WHAT ARE THE QUALITIES OF EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE?
Take a couple of minutes with the person next to you to write down 12 traits (if you can!) that an empathetic person might experience/exhibit.

5. EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE
Think about feelings
Strive to control thoughts
Pause
Benefit from criticism
Demonstrate empathy
Praise others
Apologise
Keep commitments
Forgive and forget
Help others
So, what is teamwork? Read slide. Crucially, this involves bringing together different personalities with a range of skills, which doesn’t always come without its challenges.

6. HOW EMOTIONALLY INTELLIGENT ARE YOU?

7. Conversations
What’s a conversation? We have them all the time…..but there’s something crucial thing that makes a conversation…..

8. WHAT IS A DIFFICULT CONVERSATION?
Addressing challenges around blur in roles
Giving feedback to another person – from yourself and/or others
Taking on someone else's responsibilities
Shunning responsibilities
Raising a grievance i.e. an individual not pulling their weight

9. IT’S A RISKY BUSINESS
What are the risks if a conversation doesn’t go well?
Misunderstanding
Causing offence
Upset
Argument
Complaint

10. CONVERSATION BEHAVIOURS
What behaviours do we exhibit in a conversation? Talk about it to the person next to you.

11. Challenging conversations
Think about a time that you’ve had a difficult conversation?
How many people were involved?
Why was it difficult?
How may emotional intelligence traits were demonstrated?
What were the channels of communication?

12. ZOOM IN – ZOOM OUT

13. LISTEN TO ME!
What do we want from someone when we are trying to talk to them?
Write on post its.

14. ACTIVE LISTENING

15. EMPATHY

16. ONLINE CONVERSATIONS

17. THE CHURCH OF FAIL
Think of a time you had a difficult conversation and it didn’t go well.
What could you have done differently?
Would the outcome have been different?
How might you approach this in the future?
1: feedback is there all the time. Every time we speak, or listen to another person, we are communicating feedback.
2: Feedback is just another word for effective listening.
3: Opportunity to motivate through praise, expressing appreciation, inspiring an individual, inspiring greater positivity and commitment in those already performing well.
4: Essential to develop performance. Many thing of criticism as critisismor an attack, but it’s actually a supportive act that is intended to deal with underperformance in a constructive way. Language is very important within this.
5: It’s a crucial way to keep learning! How can we develop and grow and learn if we don’t receive feedback and remain open?

18. PREPARING FOR DIFFICULT CONVERSATIONS
Before going into the conversation, ask yourself some questions:
What is your purpose for having the conversation? What do you hope to accomplish? What would be an ideal outcome? Watch for hidden purposes. Some purposes are more useful than others. Work on yourself so that you enter the conversation with a supportive purpose.
What assumptions are you making about this person’s intentions? You may feel intimidated, belittled, ignored, disrespected, or marginalized, but be cautious about assuming that this was the speaker’s intention. Impact does not necessarily equal intent.
What “buttons” of yours are being pushed? Are you more emotional than the situation warrants? Take a look at your “backstory,” as they say in the movies. What personal history is being triggered? You may still have the conversation, but you’ll go into it knowing that some of the heightened emotional state has to do with you.
How is your attitude toward the conversation influencing your perception of it? If you think this is going to be horribly difficult, it probably will be. If you truly believe that whatever happens, some good will come of it, that will likely be the case. Try to adjust your attitude for maximum effectiveness.
 Who is the opponent? What might he be thinking about this situation? Is he aware of the problem? If so, how do you think he perceives it? What are his needs and fears? What solution do you think he would suggest? Begin to reframe the opponent as partner.
What are your needs and fears? Are there any common concerns? Could there be?
How have you contributed to the problem? How has the other person?
4 Steps to a Successful Outcome
1. Ask for Permission A simple “Hey, do you have a minute for some quick feedback?” can help the receiver be mentally ready for it, be it positive or negative.
2. State What You Observed Where possible, use specific examples and avoid being judgmental. “You don’t give off a lot of energy in meetings” is not as helpful as, “In the meeting with Tina yesterday, I noticed your body language was rather passive.”
3. Explain the Impact Point out the direct impact that resulted from this behavior, and again be as specific as possible. Saying, “When you called the meeting to an end without leaving time for discussion, it made me feel like you did not value the team’s input” or “I noticed that the clients were upset” is much more effective than “When you don’t leave time for a discussion, you look like a control freak.”
Statements like “it made me feel” and “I noticed that” are more difficult to argue with, and using those phrases will keep the feedback session from devolving into a debate.
4. Pause When you’ve said your piece, stop. And then ask for the other person’s reaction. Give them time to think through what you’ve said and react to it.
5. Suggest Concrete Next Steps Give a small number of actionable suggestions (ideally only one or two) that the other person can take in the future, to change this behavior. They will appreciate that you’re giving them the first step to improving the situation.

19. Step #1: Inquiry
Cultivate an attitude of discovery and curiosity. Pretend you don’t know anything (you really don’t), and try to learn as much as possible about your opponent/partner and his point of view. Pretend you’re entertaining a visitor from another planet, and find out how things look on that planet, how certain events affect the other person, and what the values and priorities are there.
If your partner really was from another planet, you’d be watching his body language and listening for unspoken energy as well. Do that here. What does he really want? What is he not saying?
Let your partner talk until he is finished. Don’t interrupt except to acknowledge. Whatever you hear, don’t take it personally. It’s not really about you. Try to learn as much as you can in this phase of the conversation. You’ll get your turn, but don’t rush things.
Step #2: Acknowledgment
Acknowledgment means showing that you’ve heard and understood. Try to understand the other person so well you can make his argument for him. Then do it. Explain back to him what you think he’s really going for. Guess at his hopes and honor his position. He will not change unless he sees that you see where he stands. Then he might. No guarantees.
Acknowledge whatever you can, including your own defensiveness if it comes up. It’s fine; it just is. You can decide later how to address it. For example, in an argument with a friend, I said: “I notice I’m becoming defensive, and I think it’s because your voice just got louder and sounded angry. I just want to talk about this topic. I’m not trying to persuade you in either direction.” The acknowledgment helped him (and me) to re-center.
Acknowledgment can be difficult if we associate it with agreement. Keep them separate. My saying, “this sounds really important to you,” doesn’t mean I’m going to go along with your decision.
Step #3: Advocacy
When you sense your opponent/partner has expressed all his energy on the topic, it’s your turn. What can you see from your perspective that he’s missed? Help clarify your position without minimizing his. For example: “From what you’ve told me, I can see how you came to the conclusion that I’m not a team player. And I think I am. When I introduce problems with a project, I’m thinking about its long-term success. I don’t mean to be a critic, though perhaps I sound like one. Maybe we can talk about how to address these issues so that my intention is clear.”
Step #4: Problem-Solving
Now you’re ready to begin building solutions. Brainstorming and continued inquiry are useful here. Ask your opponent/partner what he thinks might work. Whatever he says, find something you like and build on it. If the conversation becomes adversarial, go back to inquiry. Asking for the other’s point of view usually creates safety and encourages him to engage. If you’ve been successful in centering, adjusting your attitude, and engaging with inquiry and useful purpose, building sustainable solutions will be easy.

20. WHEN IT GETS PERSONAL

21. RECAP
We’ve looked at what teamwork is: collaboratively working towards a common goal
What makes a successful team? Trust | Accountability | Commitment | Conflict | Results
Team dynamics: communication, coordination, cooperation and interdependence
Why is feedback important?
5 steps to giving good feedback
Fixed vs growth mindset and methods of moving towards more of a growth mindset
The importance of resilience as a skill, in terms of team working but also as personal development too.

22. REMEMBER…. FXU are here to support you!
Let them know as and when an issue arises – particularly if it’s one involving the community.
Receiving Feedback.

23. COME AND SAY HELLO Falmouth University Employability Service Where?
The Career Zone, The Exchange (Penryn)
The Hub, (Falmouth)
Falmouth.ac.uk/employability
Exeter University
Mycareerzone.ac.uk
Exeter.ac.uk/careers

24. Questions?