1. The importance of self-esteem in children (and parents)
Rachel Bailey, M.A., CPDPE

2. The Truth Behind Improving Behavior
Often-requested topics as a Parenting Specialist
How to get kids to listen / cooperate
How to handle “drama” (tantrums, strong willed-children, disrespect)
Improving morning, bedtime, and homework routines
Decreasing fighting between siblings
What I DON’T teach in order to improve behavior:
How to get kids to be compliant / obedient
Which punishment is most effective
What I do address
Self esteem
Resilience
Teaching parents how to help kids:
Believe that they and are WORTHY OF RESPECT
Possess the tools to face frustration, disappointment, uncomfortable emotions (and other emotions)

3. Why Self-Esteem Is So Important
So much “negative” behavior is a symptom of NOT having positive self-esteem
Disrespect
Strong willed children
Not standing up for self
Mean to sibling
POSITIVE SELF-ESTEEM is correlated with
Healthy assertiveness
Polite, respectful behavior
Healthy decisions
Healthy relationships
Positive risks
NEGATIVE SELF-ESTEEM is correlated with
Inability to stand up to bullies
Self blame / inability to take responsibility
High-risk behavior
Difficult relationships
Addiction
Negativity
Anxiety
Depression
(Research references available upon request.)

4. How We Can Build Kids’ Self-Esteem
Not the usual things that we think:
Telling our kids why they should like themselves
Focusing on the thing they’re good at
Being “nice” so they’re happy all the time
What it comes from
How we treat them
Worthy of respect even (especially) when they mess up
Giving them tools and opportunities for struggle
Give themselves proof that they can fail and find a way out
Teach them how to handle discomfort when they face an obstacle or frustration or disappointment

5. The Problem: The Pressure on US
Most of us don’t feel fully confident as parents
How can we when:
We receive so much conflicting advice about what’s good for our children, or for us?
We see how much we’re missing out on / not doing – or we’re overscheduled and in constant chaos & irritability
We are judged about every aspect of our lives
We are being told, by very powerful people, that we are not enough
Our rocky foundation leads us to:
Push our kids to be a certain way that we THINK will lead to their happiness; children view our respect as conditional
Our insecurity makes us want to protect our kids from discomfort

6. Finding tools to believe we are enough.
A Solution
Finding tools to believe we are enough.
Tuning out the noise (messages of what we’re supposed to be); tune into our instinct about what’s best for ourselves and our kids.
Lie down at night not focusing on what we did wrong + everything we have to do the next day.
Lie down relaxing, knowing that whatever we did – good or bad – we are worthy of respect. And that we can handle it.
So that we can teach our children how to believe in and trust themselves.