1. Nonviolent Communication
A Useful Strategy for Students, Parents, Teachers, & Partners
Nicole Van Ness, PsyD, LMFT-S, AAMFT Approved Supervisor

2. Philosophy of NVC Violence and Non-violence
Not merely physical aggression
Compassion, Connection, Congruence
Understanding and being understood: Empathy
Starts with the self; then we can apply outwardly
Respond vs. React
Systemic and systematic

3. History of NVC The essence of NVC is timeless
Marshall Rosenberg developed the model based on experiences in clinical psychology, meditation, and comparative religion, as well as segregating public schools and mediating between schools and students during civil rights events.
Began trainings in the 1960s, opened the Center for NVC in
Other names: Compassionate Communication or Collaborative Communications
Used all over the world for peaceful negotiations and conflict resolution between individuals, groups, companies, communities, and countries.

4. Principles of NVC Four components and Two parts 4 Components: 2 Parts:
Observation
Feeling
Needs
Request
2 Parts:
Empathy
Honesty

5. Steps: Overview
When I see that______________ (1. Observation) I feel ______________ (2. Feeling) because my need for ________________ is/is not met. (3. Need) Would you be willing to __________________? (4. Request)

6. 1. Observation
Actions
Without judgment or evaluation of good, bad, right, wrong, better, worse, etc.
Evaluation leads to defensiveness, fear, guilt, shame, which lead to promotion of violence, rather than connection of people
Traps to avoid:
Assessing someone’s ability or characteristics without their explicit agreement (e.g., she is a procrastinator; you are too nice)
Confusing prediction with certainty (e.g., if you smoke, you’ll die)
Implying certainty without exception (e.g., He won’t finish on time, or their marriage will never work)

7. 2. Feelings Noticing evokes feelings, thoughts and meanings
Learn to distinguish between them
Focus on feeling/emotion
Traps to avoid:
Confusing thoughts with feelings (e.g., “I feel that you should know better” or I feel like there is no point”)
Using language that identifies how we think others are behaving treating us, rather than our own feelings about that behavior (e.g., misunderstood, ignored, undervalued instead of anxious, hurt, sad, disappointed)

8. 3. Needs Other-awareness: understanding that others have needs, too
Values, needs, things of importance
Associated with particular feelings when needs are met and are not met
Self-awareness: understanding your own needs
Blame/criticize self
Sensing our own feelings/needs
Other-awareness: understanding that others have needs, too
Blame/criticize the other
Sensing other’s feelings/needs
Traps to avoid:
Impersonal/vague (e.g., it, that, etc.)
Focus on blame, or other’s actions (e.g., I’m angry because you lied)

9. 4. Requests Clear, concrete, present-moment Attune to everyone’s needs
Specific, positive, action-oriented language
Traps to avoid:
Negative language (e.g., “you never spend time with me”)
Vague, unspecific, or accusatory (e.g., “I wish you would’ve been more responsible”)
Demanding instead of requesting

10. Practice
When I see that______________ (1. Observation) I feel ______________ (2. Feeling) because my need for ________________ is/is not met. (3. Need) Would you be willing to __________________? (4. Request)

11. References and Resources
The Center for Nonviolent Communication 9301 Indian School Rd NE Suite 204 Albuquerque, NM USA Tel: | Fax: | US Only: Rosenberg, M. B. (2002). Living nonviolent communication: Practical tools to connect and communicate skillfully in every situation. Boulder, CO: Sounds True. Rosenberg, M. B. (2003). Nonviolent communication: A language of life (2nd Ed.). Encinitas, CA: Puddledancer Press. Leu, L. (2015). Nonviolent communication companion workbook, 2nd edition: A practical guide for individual, group, or classroom study. Encinitas, CA: Puddledancer Press.

12. Contact Me
Dr. Nicole Van Ness LMFT-S (#202824), AAMFT Approved Supervisor, Sole Proprietor at Connected Couples Individual, couple, family, & group therapy; Sex therapy Office: 110 W. Randol Mill Road, Suite 201 Arlington, TX Phone: