1. Habit 5
Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood
105

2. Habit 5: Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood
106
Habit
Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood

3. To communicate effectively with me, you must first understand me.
Habit 5—Principle
Paradigm
To communicate effectively with me, you must first understand me.
Result
Behavior 5
107
Habit
Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood

4. Ineffective: I listen with the intent to reply.
Habit 5—Paradigms
Ineffective: I listen with the intent to reply.
Effective: I listen with the intent to understand. 5
107
Habit
Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood

5. xQ Tells You…
“We genuinely listen to each other, honestly seeking to understand the viewpoints of others.”
48% 5
107
Habit
Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood

6. Diagnose Before You Prescribe
Video
Diagnose Before You Prescribe 5
107
Habit
Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood

7. Advising: Giving counsel, advice, and solutions to problems.
Autobiographical Responses
Advising: Giving counsel, advice, and solutions to problems.
Probing: Asking questions from our own frame of reference or agenda.
Interpreting: Explaining another’s motives and behavior based on our own experience; trying to figure people out.
Evaluating: Judging, and either agreeing or disagreeing. 5
109
Habit
Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood

8. Autobiographical Responses
Video
Autobiographical Responses 5
109
Habit
Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood

9. Empathic Listening Video 5 110 Habit
Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood

10. Empathic Listening
Empathic Listening is reflecting what a person feels and says in your own words.
It is not listening to advise, counsel, reply, refute, solve, fix, change, judge, agree, disagree, question, analyze, or figure out. 5
110
Habit
Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood

11. Ears Eyes Heart “To Listen With a Virtuous Heart” 5 110 Habit
Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood

12. Reading the Signs 5 111 Habit
Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood

13. Stop and listen empathically.
Watch the Signals
Stop and listen empathically.
Slow down. Watch and be ready to listen empathically.
Go forward and seek to be understood. 5
111
Habit
Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood

14. “You feel ________________________ about _________________________.”
How to Listen Empathically
Try it!
“You feel ________________________ about _________________________.” 5
112
Habit
Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood

15. Seek to Be Understood From the Other’s Perspective
I’m excited to move into the Latin American marketplace. I honestly don’t think you could find a better supplier than Indiva. Our quality manufacturing standards are second to none, with only a .2 percent defect rate. Our considerable investment in customer service means that we are leaders in product satisfaction.
Please let me know your decision. I look forward to hearing from you by June 10. 5
115
Habit
Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood

16. Please contact us with any issues you may have.
Suggested Revision
You’ll benefit from the high quality of Indiva products. Your customers will experience second-to-none quality with defect rates of only .2 percent and industry-leading customer satisfaction and service.
Please contact us with any issues you may have.
You’ll hear from us by June 10. 5
115
Habit
Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood

17. Nobody’s Listening Video 5 115 Habit
Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood

18. Teach to Learn 5
116–117
Habit
Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood