1. Editing 1: Making Your Writing Concise & Vivid
English 111
December 11, 2014

2. Writing Concisely
To make your writing style sound more specific, detailed, and concrete, simply attempt to cut out words that your sentences don’t need and rephrase sentences so that they are shorter. Do the following:
Eliminate redundant words and expressions in sentences Joel was determined in his mind to lose weight.
Avoid unnecessary repetition of words Our fifth patient, in room six, is a mentally ill patient.
Cut empty or inflated phrases We will file the appropriate papers in the event that we are unable to meet the deadline.
Simplify the structure of phrases It is important that hikers remain inside the park boundaries.

3. Writing Concisely: Simple Cuts
His story is a strange one.
His story is strange.
The reason why she won’t leave is that she doesn’t have a ride.
She won’t leave because she doesn’t have a ride.
I believe we should read the U.S. Constitution literally.
We should read the U.S. Constitution literally.
His brother, who is a member of the same firm, takes two hour lunches.
His brother, a member of the same firm, takes two hour lunches.

4. Writing Concisely: Cut & Edit
Daniel is now employed at a private rehabilitation center, working as a registered physical therapist.
Daniel works at a private rehabilitation center as a registered physical therapist
Burying nuclear waste in Antarctica would be in violation of an international treaty.
Burying nuclear waste in Antarctica violates an international treaty.
The administrative secretary is responsible for monitoring and balancing the budgets for travel and personnel.
The administrative secretary monitors and balances the budgets for travel and personnel.

5. Writing Concisely: Total Change
When our progenitors reach their silver-haired and golden years, we frequently ensepulcher them in homes for senescent beings as if they were already among the deceased.
We tend to stick our elderly in old-age homes, as if we are getting them ready for death.
He is a man who won’t take no for an answer.
He always gets his way.
All too often, athletes with marginal academic skills have been recruited by our coaches.
All too often, our coaches have recruited athletes with marginal academic skills.