1. Keeping Cool When Angry – Keeping Control in Conflict!
Judicial Affairs Education Session Series
Keeping Cool When Angry – Keeping Control in Conflict!

2. Anger and other Definitions
What is Anger?
Anger is normal – everyone gets angry from time to time
Anger is a feeling.
Anger can affect the way we act.
Anger makes us feel emotional.
Anger makes us act in certain ways based on what we have learned in the past.
Anger can be connected to other emotions, like fear, frustration, hurt, pain, and helplessness.
What is Anger Management?
Problem-solving
Not being a slave to your emotions
Learning to identify the source of your anger and respond constructively.
Learning how not to get angry very often or for very long

3. Anger and other Definitions
Fight or
Flight
What are the physical effects of anger?
your heart rate increases
your facial expressions change
your face might turn red
your breathing will change (speed up)
your muscles may feel tight
you might shake or feel numb
your voice may get louder

4. Have You Slept? Have you Eaten? Causes of Anger External Internal
Frustration
Irritations
Abuse
Unfairness
Internal
Value Judgments
Expectations
Private Speech
Tension/Stress
Have you Eaten?

5. When does anger become a problem?
Too frequent
Too intense
Lasts too long
Leads to aggression
Disrupts work or relationships

6. Getting Angry? Gain and Maintain Control
There is a symbiotic relationship between the physiological and the emotional effects of Anger
Unravel the Fight of Flight Reaction

7. Getting Angry? Gain and Maintain Control
Cool off and keep you cool
Stop and count to 10 before you say or do anything.
Leave the situation and take a "time out".
Control your breathing: breathe in for 5 counts through nose, exhale for 5 counts through mouth (repeat 3 times.)
Stretch to help relax your muscles to help you feel calmer.
Use imagery by visualizing a relaxing experience.
Return to the situation when you feel able to resolve things constructively.

8. Getting Angry? Gain and Maintain Control
Assess what’s bugging you
Identify the source of your anger
Once you've identified the source you're more capable of managing your anger
Don’t be afraid of humility – the source might involve some internal factors.  
If anger is not recognized and managed it can continue to build and cause much distress.

9. Getting Angry? Gain and Maintain Control
Resolve the source of your irritation
Commit to confronting your anger
Own your anger. It is yours to deal with.
Be careful not to blame others for your anger
Determine what you can and cannot control.
Try to communicate constructively.
Write it down. It helps organize thoughts and diminishes frustrations.
Do something you like while you think things through.

10. Tips for Navigating a Conflict - Be in Control Manage the situation and get what you want
Remain Calm when you express your concerns. Why?
Avoid making them defensive
Increase the likelihood they will listen
Increase the likelihood they will remain calm as well
Decreases the likelihood they will misinterpret what you are saying

11. Tips for Navigating a Conflict - Be in Control Manage the situation and get what you want
Be aware of your body language. Why?
Body language can send messages to others you are not aware of, can betray your feelings.

12. Will disarm them if they are defensive
Tips for Navigating a Conflict - Be in Control Manage the situation and get what you want
Don’t accuse – tell them how the problem is affecting you. Why?
By sticking to how you are affected, you will avoid saying anything personal about them.
Will disarm them if they are defensive
It is difficult to argue with a statement about how you are impacted.

13. Tips for Navigating a Conflict - Be in Control Manage the situation and get what you want
Stick to the Facts – Beware of the Assumption trap! Why?
Assumptions are necessary, but recognize them for what they are
Don’t confuse them with conclusions
Most disputes/conflicts are bolstered by erroneous assumptions

14. So you can maintain control and deescalate them
Tips for Navigating a Conflict - Be in Control Manage the situation and get what you want
If someone approaches you remain calm and relaxed, avoid becoming defensive. Why?
So you can maintain control and deescalate them
To avoid the action/reaction escalation that so often happens

15. Tips for Navigating a Conflict - Be in Control Manage the situation and get what you want
Listen and let them know you are listening. Why?
Because most likely they are making assumptions about you
If you can unearth the assumptions and address them you might end the dispute.
Because maybe you did something to affect them and don’t know it
How?
Reframe most effective de-escalation tool there is!
You don't have to agree, but let them know you understand their perspective.

16. So you avoid losing control and falling into the escalation cycle.
Tips for Navigating a Conflict - Be in Control Manage the situation and get what you want
If you feel yourself getting angry end it and talk another day. Why?
So you avoid losing control and falling into the escalation cycle.

17. The Centre for Student Development (CSD)
For more information on Anger/Anger Management, or to speak to someone one-on-one about it, visit:
The Centre for Student Development (CSD)
McMaster University Student’s Centre
Room B107
Phone: (905) ext Fax: (905) Teletype: (905)