1. Balancing Love & Discipline

2. I. Why be concerned with balance?

3. I. Why be concerned with balance?
A. Families in which discipline is not balanced with love are not HEALTHY
 King David sang of his love for God
 King David sang of his fear of God

4. B. Families in which affection is strong, but discipline is weak, typically foster NARCISSISM in their teens
C. Families in which authority and control are dominant, more likely ALIENATE their teens

5. II. Determining when our children need our authority and when they need affection
 This requires that we see them through the EYES of GOD

6. A. Like us, our children are born NARCISSISTIC in nature
Psalms 51:5 Surely I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me.
Genesis 6:5 The LORD saw how great man's wickedness on the earth had become, and that every inclination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil all the time.
Genesis 8:21b ..."Never again will I curse the ground because of man, even though every inclination of his heart is evil from childhood...

7. A. Like us, our children are born NARCISSISTIC in nature
 Understanding narcissism means we must devote ourselves to TRAINING them against their nature
Pr 22:15 Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of chastisement will drive it far from him.
Prov 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.

8. B. Their fleshly nature is not their IDENTITY
C. Their BEHAVIOR is not their IDENTITY
D. Christ ACCEPTED children without REGARD to what they had done
E. It is imperative that we speak to our children with HOPE and EXPECTANCY

9. F. We should encourage them using “PAULINE PRAISE”
 Affirm them while THANKING God

10. III. Discerning the difference between WILL and SKILL issues
A. It is a will issue when children INTENTIONALLY RESIST your leadership
 A defiant will may need to receive some form of CHASTISEMENT
 Especially in an adolescent, a defiant will may be an expression of a BROKEN RELATIONSHIP that needs MENDING

11. B. A “skill issue” involves behavior that is not rooted in defiance, but reflects a POORLY DEVELOPED skill

12. IV. Training skills by means of rewards
A. The difference between REWARDS and BRIBES
1. Bribes are an effort by one with LESSER AUTHORITY to purchase cooperation from one with GREATER AUTHORITY
Ex 23:8 "Do not accept a bribe, for a bribe blinds those who see and twists the words of the righteous. Eccl 7:7b ...a bribe corrupts the heart.

13.  Bribing children is an admission that we regard them as having AUTHORITY that exceeds our own
 With children, who are under their parents’ authority, and therefore obligated to cooperate with their leadership, a bribe is an effort to coerce them to FULFILL what is their MORAL DUTY
 Bribes increase a child’s sense of self-importance, reinforcing NARCISSISM

14. 2. Rewards are given for faithfulness in LABOR
1 Cor 3:8 The man who plants and the man who waters have one purpose, and each will be rewarded according to his own labor.
2 John 1:8 Watch out that you do not lose what you have worked for, but that you may be rewarded fully.

15. B. Kinds of REWARDS
Accumulated points for prizes, ie: toys, tools, dates, outings, etc.
Immediate reinforcement, ie: treats, breaks, money, etc.
 Greater privileges, ie: more gratifying responsibilities, drivers license, etc.

16. C. FINES for penalties
 Loss of privilege
 Monetary fines

18. Balancing Love & Discipline