1. SHRED THE LABEL,SAVE A CHILD
NO SUCH THING AS A BULLY
SHRED THE LABEL,SAVE A CHILD
Kelly Karius & Dr. Ron Graham

2. NEW Language – Problem Definition
Bully Action
Victim Responses
Bystander Behavior
The same skills are needed by all children.
Changing the language changes the perspective. If a problem is defined incorrectly we will be forever creating solutions that are ineffective. Currently we are creating a culture of labeling, bullies and victims. This method absolves the bystander of responsibility and it encourages children to develop personalities around the labels they are given. There is no difference in the skills needed by all children. All children need to develop the same skill set of communication skills, thinking skills and problem solving skills in order to bring out positive behaviors.

3. Bullying Definition
Bullying = bully actor perspective +Bully Action + Victim Responder perspective
Where
Bully actor perspective =
Desire to hurt + Superior Power/enjoyment + Desire for control/contempt
Bully Action =
Hurtful + Repeated
Victim responder perspective =
Vulnerability + Sense of oppression/ unjust treatment
No definition of bullying is going to be the “end-all” definition.
Bullying is such a grey issue that defining it is difficult. What is required are solid ideas about what constitutes a bullying situation, and a skill set that we can provide to children.
Why Zero-Tolerance Policies Don’t Work
Zero-tolerance policies are used by many schools, and are even supported by many parents. They are ultimately ineffective because they are based on a simplistic model of bullying, rather than the complex truth. Consider:
Two students are horse-playing in the hallway, and admit that’s what they’re doing. All physical contact is handled the same way so they are punished for behavior that’s normal and appropriate for their age and maturity level. The two youngsters may not even understand the intent of the discipline.
Two friends are in a one-time argument and call each other names. All name-calling is handled the same way so the friends are punished even when the argument is over before the school gets involved. There’s a chance the friends won’t even know why they are being punished. Authority figures may come to be seen as ridiculous.
A child in grade 2 hugs another student and gives her a kiss. He is suspended for inappropriate touching.
Zero tolerance does not consider a child’s developmental stage or other considerations around the incident. Once punishment is decided on, school administrators have to justify it. If they can’t – which can happen when a zero-tolerance policy is applied – they are forced to choose between backing off from the punishment and widespread disgust with it. Either way, their authority is undermined. They may be seen as irrational, or they may be labeled as bullies themselves. This is disastrous. Children do understand fair punishment. When they are unfairly punished, they lose respect for administration, and conflict can also be created with their parents.

4. Using a Bully Action You are using a bully action if you
1. want to hurt someone.
2. do something that hurts them.
3. are stronger than them in some way.
4. hurt them more than once.
5. use your extra power to hurt them.
6. enjoy hurting people.
7. cause them to feel sad and helpless.

5. Receiving a Bully Action
You are experiencing bully actions if:
1. someone wants to hurt you.
2. someone does something that hurts you.
3. the person is stronger than you in some way.
4. the person hurts you more than once.
5. the person uses her extra power to hurt you.
6. the person enjoys hurting you
7. you feel sad and helpless.

6. Website Lesson Plans Visibility TIPS Discussion Schools/Parents
Website Listing/Newsletter
TIPS
Statistic Compilation
Discussion
Interventions
School, Group, Individual
Lesson Plan Use

7. Community Immersions Community Involvement Student Involvement
Staff Involvement
Policing/Coaching

8. Overview Introductions Motivations Needs Shortcuts and Role plays
Online Lessons
Staff Team
TIPS

9. Websites nosuchthingasabully.com Bullyoutreachproject.com
Kellykarius.com
Kariusandassociates.com
Kariusfamilyservices.com
Facebook: 24-Hour Bully-Stakeout