1. Advice & examples for editing essays
AP Language
Mrs. Hartnett

2. Evaluative  the focus is on the writer himself/herself
What you should do if given the correction: “evaluative, not analytical”
ORIGINAL SENTENCE:
Mailer describes that tragic moment in the fight with perfect, brilliant similes.
Evaluative  the focus is on the writer himself/herself
Analytical  the focus is on describing the writing and its effect on the subject matter
perfect, brilliant
three consecutive
three diverse, unexpected
several progressively dehumanizing
REVISED SENTENCE:
Mailer describes that tragic moment in the fight with several progressively dehumanizing similes.

3. Explaining a figure with a figure
What you should do if given the correction: “don’t explain figurative language with figurative language”
ORIGINAL SENTENCE:
When Griffith attacked Paret, his right hand “like a baseball bat demolishing a pumpkin” shows that Griffith is as strong as an ox.
Explaining a figure with a figure
Analyzing a figure
Like a baseball bat = as strong as an ox
the bat is being used inappropriately
demonstrates the pointlessness of this frenzy
depicts the de-evolutionary level to which Griffith has descended
REVISED SENTENCE:
When Griffith attacked Paret, his right hand “like a baseball bat demolishing a pumpkin,” Mailer depicts the de-evolutionary level to which Griffith has descended in which his actions are compared to the inappropriate and frenzied use of a baseball bat.

4. What you should do if given the correction: “that’s not sarcasm”
ORIGINAL SENTENCE:
Johnson starts off his letter to the woman requesting a recommendation sarcastically, saying “I hope you will believe that my delay in answering your letter could proceed only from my unwillingness to destroy any hope that you had formed.”
Negative tone terms
Positive tone terms
Sarcastic – means opposite, meant to hurt
Ironic – means opposite, not meant to hurt
Acerbic, biting, stinging, contemptuous, disparaging, scornful, sharp, cynical
Satirical – poking fun at an aspect of society so that it can be addressed
Mocking – meant to humiliate
Witty, pun, wry, droll, blithe, flippant
Sardonic – comes from tale of a Sardinian plant, which when eaten was supposed to produce convulsive laughter ending in death (bad humor directed at self)
Paradoxical – seems untrue at first glance until contemplated at a deeper level
REVISED SENTENCE:
Johnson starts off his letter to the woman requesting a recommendation expressing a sincere desire to be understood as a kind man, saying “I hope you will believe that my delay in answering your letter could proceed only from my unwillingness to destroy any hope that you had formed.”

5. Paraphrase Paragraph Analysis Paragraph
What you should do if given the correction: “this is summary/paraphrase, not analysis”
Paraphrase Paragraph
Analysis Paragraph
Johnson moves from stating why the request failed to assuring the woman of her son’s future. Johnson says that while the son might be able to attend University, he believes that after seeing the youth that “ … [the boy] may still be wise, useful and happy.” This transition from bad news to good demonstrates how he uplifts the woman with a final encouraging statement that once more redeems him being portrayed as the foe.
Johnson’s firm, corrective tone shifts as he moves from second paragraph, to the conclude with encouragement through compliments and helpful suggestions. In the final paragraph, Johnson says that while the son might be able to attend University, he believes that after seeing the youth that “ … [the boy] may still be wise, useful and happy.” This transition from correction to uplifts the woman and once more redeems him being portrayed as the foe.
This topic sentence is a summary.
This topic sentence indicates the analysis you’ll be proving.