1. Wordiness/Redundancy Review

2. What is Wordiness? Using more words than necessary
It is a form of redundancy
Results in the reader not paying attention to what you have to say

3. What is Redundancy? Repeats a meaning by using a synonym or definition
Example:
She’s a liar and doesn’t tell the truth.

4. How can you eliminate wordiness and redundancy in writing?
Use action verbs vs “be” verbs
Use active vs passive voice
Combine short, choppy sentences
Eliminate synonyms, use one strong word

5. Let’s practice:
Redundant: The rabid rabbits scamper and scurry from the fox. Correct: The rabid rabbits scamper from the fox. Explanation: Scamper and scurry are synonyms.

6. Let’s Practice Redundant:
My mom had to go to the ATM machine before we went to the mall, so we could go to the mall.
Correct:
My mom had to go to the ATM before we went to the
mall.
Explanation:
“M” in the acronym “ATM” means “machine”
“to the mall” only needs to be said once.

7. We don’t need any more problems?
Which has redundancy?
We don’t need any more problems?
He went to the store to get milk, at the store?
We could hardly wait for the good news.
Explanation:
no need to repeat where you are going – to
the store; at the store

8. Let’s Practice:
Redundant: Dairy Queen is open Friday through Saturday 10:00 AM – 6:00 PM, and Sunday from 10:00 AM – 6:00 PM; that is when it is open. Correct: Dairy Queen is open Friday – Sunday, 10:00 AM - 6:00 PM. Explanation: Each day mentioned is open the same time – only say 10:00 AM – 6:00 PM once “is open” should be said once.

9. Let’s Practice: Redundant:
Sally was shaking as she shivered and quickly begged, “Let’s hurry up! It’s freezing outside!”
Correct:
Sally shivered and quickly begged, “Let’s hurry up! It’s freezing outside!”
Explanation:
When one shivers, they shake.

10. Some more practice: Redundant
As we got closer to the scene of the accident, we noticed the victims were crying and bleeding the nearer we came.
Correct:
As we got closer to the accident, we noticed the victims crying and bleeding.
Explanation:
“As we got closer” means “the nearer we came”
If one is at an accident, the accident is the scene.

11. Where is the error?
As soon as the movie was over, John made a beeline for the exit, looking for a quick exit.
Answer: looking for a quick exit.
Explanation:
“beeline” means quick
don’t repeat “exit”