1. 1.1

2. SESSION 1
Parenting a
child with
special needs
1.2

3. PARENTS OF A CHILD WITH SPECIAL NEEDS FACE PARTICULAR CHALLENGES
Standard parenting advice often doesn’t work.
Other people don’t understand what it’s like.
It’s easy to feel frustrated and isolated.
1.3

4. What ground rules do we want in this group to help it run smoothly?
GROUP AGREEMENT
What ground rules do we want in this group to help it run smoothly?
1.4

5. TIME OUT FOR PARENTS AIMS TO:
increase your confidence in your skills and abilities to “parent”
help the relationship between you and your child even better than it is now
teach skills for help your children to raise their self esteem
1.5

6. TIME OUT FOR PARENTS AIMS TO:
work out the best way to effectively discipline your child
give you tools to help you in your relationship with your child’s other parent or carer and to encourage mutual support
provide you with greater support where you would like it
1.6

7. SESSION PLAN What are special educational needs? Course outline
Reaching their potential
In for the long haul
1.7

8. WHAT ARE SPECIAL EDUCATIONAL NEEDS?
Learning difficulties
Emotional and behavioural difficulties
Developmental disorders
Speech and language problems
Hearing or visual impairment
Physical conditions
Medical conditions
1.8a and 1.8b

9. JUGGLING ISSUES
1.9

10. TIME OUT FOR PARENTS – CHILDREN WITH SPECIAL NEEDS
Parenting a child with special needs
Helping self esteem
Coping with feelings
Understanding behaviour
Managing behaviour
Home and school issues
The wider family
1.10

11. What concerns would you like to deal with during the course?
PARENTS’ CONCERNS
What concerns would you like to deal with during the course?
1.11

12. GETTING TO KNOW YOU! One of my strengths as a parent is…
One thing I love about my child is…
1.12

13. BREAK
1.13

14. REACHING THEIR POTENTIAL
Can you think of one unexpected thing that your child has already achieved which surprised and pleased you?
1.14

15. HELPING YOUR CHILD REACH THEIR FULL POTENTIAL
Acceptance is not giving up – and it’s constant!
Invest energy into overcoming difficulties
Don’t underestimate potential
To be fully involved in society
1.15

16. What do you do to keep yourself going?
IN FOR THE LONG HAUL
What do you do to keep yourself going?
1.16

17. TAKING TIME OUT FOR YOU ISN’T SELFISH, IT’S SURVIVAL!
1.17

18. INVOLVING THE FAMILY Aim for a consistent approach
Share your new ideas or discoveries with your partner or others who share in the caring
Use this opportunity to strengthen family relationships
1.18a and 1.18b

19. REFLECTION Introductions Made a group agreement Aims of the course
What are special educational needs?
Course outline
Reaching their potential
In for the long haul
1.19

20. FOCUS FOR THE WEEK Doing something nice for YOU!
Tell your child what you love about them
1.20

21. We will look at helping build your child’s self-esteem
NEXT WEEK
We will look at helping build your child’s self-esteem
1.21

22. SESSION 2
Helping build self esteem
2.1

23. SESSION PLAN What is self-esteem? The importance of play Special time
Finding something your child can achieve
Parenting styles
Meeting emotional needs
2.2

24. WHAT IS SELF-ESTEEM? The way we feel about ourselves deep inside
The self-esteem of children with special needs is fragile and can be easily damaged
They need:
To be encouraged
Someone to believe in them
To feel loved
To feel competent
2.3

25. WHAT CAN YOU DO TO BOOST YOUR CHILD’S SELF-ESTEEM?
Be their greatest fan!
Don’t “obsess” about your child’s special need.
Avoid discussing their needs in their presence.
Pick out specific behaviours and small achievements to praise.
2.4

26. WHAT CAN YOU DO TO BOOST YOUR CHILD’S SELF-ESTEEM?
Involve them as far as possible in the management of their condition.
Don’t compare them unfavourably with their brothers and sisters.
As far as possible, treat them the same as your other children.
Reassure them that they will always be loved.
2.5

27. SHOWING LOVE THROUGH THE SENSES
Love is communicated in many different ways… We can communicate love to children with more severe disabilities through the “senses”.
2.6

28. THE IMPORTANCE OF PLAY Play is a vital part of a child’s physical,
emotional, social and brain development
cognitive and language
social skills
creative skills and imagination
manipulative skills and physical exercise
feelings and emotions
2.7

29. STAGES OF PLAY
Solitary play
Parallel play
Co-operative play
2.8

30. SPECIAL TIME Child’s choice of play Don’t interfere
Occasionally comment
Sometimes sit quietly and enjoy
Try playing by yourself if child is shy
Observe what they’re doing
Join in at their request
2.9

31. PLANNING ‘SPECIAL TIME’
Could you plan a “special time” ?
How often?
How long do you think it should be?
What would your child like to play (or do)?
2.10

32. BREAK
2.11

33. FINDING SOMETHING YOUR CHILD CAN ACHIEVE
Boosts confidence
Builds self esteem
2.12

34. FINDING SOMETHING YOUR CHILD CAN ACHIEVE
What does your child enjoy doing that you can encourage?
2.13

35. THERE ARE DIFFERENT RECOGNISED STYLES OF PARENTING
Permissive
Authoritarian
Authoritative/assertive
2.14

36. PERMISSIVE
2.15

37. AUTHORITARIAN
2.16

38. AUTHORITATIVE/ASSERTIVE
2.17

39. WHICH STYLE DO YOU MOST RELATE TO?
2.18

40. OVER-PROTECTIVENESS
Are there any dangers to being over-protective? Aim to strike a balance!
2.19

41. MEETING EMOTIONAL NEEDS
Attention Acceptance Appreciation Encouragement Affection Respect Support Comfort Approval Security
2.20

42. MEETING CHILDREN’S EMOTIONAL NEEDS
Which need does your child particularly like to be met?
Think of two ways you could meet this need
2.21

43. REFLECTION Reviewed focus for the week What is self-esteem?
The importance of play
Special time
Finding something your child can achieve
Parenting styles
Overprotectiveness
Meeting emotional needs
2.22

44. FOCUS FOR THE WEEK Have ‘special time’ with your child
Give ‘overheard’ praise
Meet one of your child’s emotional needs
Read the article ‘Welcome to Holland’
2.23

45. We will look at coping with feelings
NEXT WEEK
We will look at coping with feelings
2.24

46. SESSION 3
Coping with feelings
3.1

47. SESSION PLAN Labelling Talking to your child about their condition
Handling other people’s comments
Reactions and feelings
Coping with feelings
3.2

48. LABELLING
“We felt for a long time that something was wrong. It was a relief when someone put a name to it.” “Ben’s got ADHD so we can’t expect him to behave properly.”
3.3

49. THE PROS AND CONS OF LABELLING
When a child gets a diagnosis, they also get a ‘label’ What are the advantages of labeling? Are there any disadvantages?
3.4

50. TALKING TO YOUR CHILD ABOUT THEIR CONDITION
Talk naturally and simply about your child’s condition
Talk in a way that they will understand
The whole family will benefit
Helps prevent anxieties and isolation
3.5a and 3.5b

51. HANDLING OTHER PEOPLE’S COMMENTS
How do you cope with other peoples comments about your child or their behaviour?
3.6a and 3.6b

52. HOW DOES YOUR CHILD COPE WITH OTHER PEOPLE’S COMMENTS?
3.7a and 3.7b

53. BREAK
3.8

54. REACTIONS AND FEELINGS
“I didn’t want to talk about it with other people just after the diagnosis because doing that would mean that it was real – that it was true. I was struggling to accept that it was really true and not just a mistake the specialist had made.”
3.9

55. STAGES OF GRIEF Kubler-Ross
Description
Parent’s reaction
Denial
It can’t be true!
They’ll grow out of it.
How could this have happened?
Anger
It isn’t fair this is happening.
This has spoilt my/our life.
How can God do this to me?
3.10

56. STAGES OF GRIEF Kubler-Ross
Description
Parent’s reaction
Bargaining
If my child gets well, I’ll devote the rest of my life to doing good.
Grief
Begin to face what’s happening.
Shattered dreams of having a ‘perfect child’.
Feel sad and vulnerable.
Acceptance
This is the situation I’m in.
I’ll do what I can.
3.11

57. ACCEPTING OUR FEELINGS
These feelings are normal
They don’t make you a bad parent
Best acknowledged - not buried
Other family members have feelings too and may be at different stage of acceptance
3.12

58. CARE FOR THE FAMILY
Parent Support – Children with Additional Needs Telephone befriending service
3.13

59. REFLECTION Reviewed focus for the week Labelling
Talking to your child about their condition
Handling other people’s comments
Reactions and feelings
Coping with feelings
3.14

60. FOCUS FOR THE WEEK Tune in to your feelings
Try and identify one emotion each day
Tell someone how you feel (or write it down)
3.15

61. We will be looking at understanding behaviour
NEXT WEEK
We will be looking at understanding behaviour
3.16

62. SESSION 4
Understanding Behaviour
4.1

63. Understanding behaviour All behaviour has a goal
SESSION PLAN
Boundaries
House rules
Routines
Understanding behaviour
All behaviour has a goal
4.2

64. UNDERSTANDING BEHAVIOUR
ALL parents struggle with children’s behaviour
This is more so if their child has special needs
Realistic expectations
Why children behave the way they do
4.3

65. BOUNDARIES
Parents may feel their child with special needs already has enough to cope with, so it’s kinder to let them behave how they like. Is this a good policy?
4.4

66. THE NEED FOR BOUNDARIES
When children know what is expected of them they feel:
Loved
Safe
Secure
4.5

67. What rules do you have or would like to have in your home?
HOUSE RULES
What rules do you have or would like to have in your home?
4.6

68. REALISTIC EXPECTATIONS
How realistic are your house rules for your special needs child?
How will this affect the other children?
Do you need to relax or adapt any?
4.7

69. ROUTINES What routines does your family have?
Routines give children a sense of security
Make life easier for parents
4.8

70. BREAK
4.9

71. UNDERSTANDING BEHAVIOUR
What is this child trying to communicate?
4.10a and 4.10b

72. UNDERSTANDING BEHAVIOUR
What is this child trying to communicate?
4.11a and 4.11b

73. CHILDREN ‘ACT OUT’ THEIR NEEDS AND FEELINGS
4.12

74. ALL BEHAVIOUR HAS A GOAL
4.13

75. ABC OF UNDERSTANDING BEHAVIOUR
A – Action What happened before behaviour occurred? B – Behaviour What exactly did the child do? C – Consequence What happened next
4.14

76. WHAT WAS THE POSSIBLE GOAL BEHIND THE BEHAVIOUR
4.15
Who wins?

77. WHAT WAS THE POSSIBLE GOAL BEHIND THE BEHAVIOUR
4.16

78. DETECTIVE SHEET
A. What happened just before the behaviour? B. What exactly did your child do? C. What happened next Possible goal or need?
4.17

79. REFLECTION Reviewed focus for the week Boundaries House rules Routines
Understanding behaviour
All behaviour has a goal
4.18

80. FOCUS FOR THE WEEK
Play detective this week – focus on one behaviour you want to tackle
With the whole family – agree a few House Rules to follow this week
Encourage each other when you succeed
4.19

81. We will be looking at managing behaviour
NEXT WEEK
We will be looking at managing behaviour
4.20

82. SESSION 5
Managing Behaviour
5.1

83. SESSION PLAN Managing behaviour Triggers and patterns
Principles of managing behaviour
Rewarding behaviour
The behaviour “toolkit”
Troubleshooting
Choices and consequences
5.2

84. MANAGING OUR BEHAVIOUR
If we really want our child’s behaviour to change we have to change ours first
5.3

85. MANAGING BEHAVIOUR Aim to: Speak in a calm, friendly way
Watch what you say
Treat them kindly
Give them time and attention
Try to understand the goals and needs behind their behaviour
Change is possible – but it takes time.
5.4

86. DETECTIVE SHEETS
What did you discover from the detective sheets? Did you find any triggers or patterns to your child’s behaviour?
5.5

87. GIVE TIME AND ATTENTION
From session 2, remember… Sometimes children act up because they are not getting enough attention Where possible have a ‘special time’
5.6

88. AIM TO BE CONSISTENT
5.7

89. COMMUNICATE CLEARLY Eye contact Tone of voice Simple commands
Explain calmly
Check understanding
5.8

90. PROMPTS Visual - Show picture of tap
Physical - Hand over child’s hand to assist turning tap on
Modelling - Watching someone turn tap on and copying
Gesture - Pointing to tap
Verbal - “Turn on the tap”
5.9

91. REWARDING BEHAVIOUR
Behaviour that is noticed increases Behaviour that is ignored decreases
5.10

92. What rewards does your child really appreciate?
5.11

93. PRAISE Children can’t get enough praise
So your child knows exactly what they have done, it needs to be:
Specific
Accurate
Concrete
“I’m so pleased you gave Gran a nice hug.”
5.12

94. BREAK
5.13

95. THE BEHAVIOUR TOOL KIT Tokens in a jar To encourage positive behaviour
Star chart To encourage and help children do routine tasks
Limited choice To encourage co-operation
5.14

96. TROUBLESHOOTING Trial and error Ways to cope Know when to back off
Don’t go on a guilt trip
5.15

97. TROUBLE SHOOTING Planned Ignoring Remove Distract/humour Time out
Withdrawing privileges
Choices and consequences
5.16

98. CHOICES AND CONSEQUENCES
5.17

99. PATIENCE AND PERSISTENCE!
Choose your battles
Decide what behaviours you can afford to ignore
Use distraction techniques
5.18

100. REFLECTION Reviewed focus for the week Managing behaviour
Triggers and patterns
Principles of managing behaviour
Rewarding behaviour
The behaviour “toolkit”
Troubleshooting
Choices and consequences
5.19

101. A behaviour you want to deal with Specific strategy to try
FOCUS FOR THE WEEK
A behaviour you want to deal with
Specific strategy to try
Use the rewards you have identified
5.20

102. We will be looking at home and school
NEXT WEEK
We will be looking at home and school
5.21

103. SESSION 6
Home and school
6.1

104. SESSION PLAN Home and school issues Children’s services
Rights and responsibilities
Provision for Special Educational Needs
Statements
Tips on learning and social skills
Communicating with professionals
6.2

105. HOME AND SCHOOL ISSUES What issues do we want to cover today?
Focussing on positive ways to work together with schools and health professionals to get the best for our children
6.3

106. BASIC PRINCIPLES FOR CHILDREN WITH SEN
Access to a broad, balanced and relevant education
Views of children should be taken into account
Normally met in mainstream settings
Extra resources require a Statutory Assessment of need
6.4

107. RIGHTS AND RESPONSIBILITIES
Parents treated as partners
Play an active role in child’s education
Know what their child is entitled to
Make their views known
Access to information, advice and support
Keep records of absolutely everything!
6.5

108. PROVISION FOR SPECIAL EDUCATIONAL NEEDS - PROCESS
Identification of possible SEN
Assessments are made
Changes in classroom management
School action
Individual Education Plan (IEP)
School Action Plus
Statutory assessment
Statement of SEN
Note in lieu
6.6

109. WHAT IS A STATEMENT? (Co-ordinated Support Plan in Scotland)
A Statement/Co-ordinated Support Plan (CSP) gives details of a child’s special educational needs together with the arrangements for meeting them.
Most children with special educational needs will not need a Statement/CSP.
6.7

110. BREAK
6.8

111. HOW CAN WE HELP OUR CHILDREN?
To organise what they need for school
To be as independent as possible
To learn to listen to instructions
To know how to ask for help
6.9

112. COMMUNICATING WITH PROFESSIONALS
How do you feel when you have to see a professional (Teacher, GP, Educational Psychologist) about your child’s needs?
6.10

113. COMMUNICATING A CONCERN
Think of a problem, real or imagined, that you are having with your child’s school or education. ‘B’ is a teacher or professional working with your child, and you have an appointment to see them Treat ‘B’ as aggressively as you can! Imply they aren’t doing enough about the problem
6.11

114. HOW TO PLAN AND PREPARE FOR MEETINGS
Decide exactly what to say
Use the Positive-Negative- Positive Sandwich
6.12

115. POSITIVE-NEGATIVE-POSITIVE SANDWICH
Start with a positive comment
State your concern
End with a positive
6.13

116. What one thing are you taking away today?
REFLECTION
What one thing are you taking away today?
6.14

117. What ONE thing do you want to focus on this week?
FOCUS FOR THE WEEK
What ONE thing do you want to focus on this week?
Encourage one aspect of your child’s learning
6.15

118. We will be looking at the wider family
NEXT WEEK
We will be looking at the wider family
6.17

119. SESSION 7
The wider family
7.1

120. SESSION PLAN Dads Brothers and sisters
Grandparents and other relatives
Take a break
Setting up a support group
7.2

121. WHAT’S IT LIKE FOR DADS? My family become public property
All my partners time is taken up with our special needs child
I feel excluded from discussions with professionals
What about how I feel?
7.3a and 7.3b

122. WHAT HELPS? Attend appointments together
Keep dads involved in discussion
Share feelings
Develop other interests
Make time for each other
7.4

123. WHAT ABOUT BROTHERS AND SISTERS?
Every parent feels guilty - but parents of special needs children feel doubly guilty because they also worry about neglecting the needs of their other children
7.5

124. BROTHERS AND SISTERS
How has your special needs child affected brothers or sisters, or wider family members? What tips do the group have to help?
7.6

125. BROTHERS AND SISTERS ARE TOO IMPORTANT TO IGNORE
Make time for them
Keep them involved
Don’t take their good nature for granted
Let them have a life of their own
7.7

126. GRANDPARENTS
Grandparents grieve too - they sometimes struggle to understand
Be understanding of how they feel
Tell them how they can help
The may struggle to come to terms with your child’s special need
7.8

127. HOW SUPPORTIVE HAVE GRANDPARENTS AND OTHER FAMILY MEMBERS BEEN?
What helps?
Make family visits short and sweet
Give them information to explain your child’s condition
Encourage a child to bring along a favourite toy or book
7.9

128. BREAK
7.10

129. GIVE TIME TO YOUR RELATIONSHIP
Look for ways of taking a break
Find out about respite care
Ask relatives/friends to babysit
Join a support group
7.11

130. ACCESS TO RESPITE CARE Don’t be afraid to ask for help
Ask your Children’s Services Department to assess you for regular caring breaks
Ask family and friends for help
Don’t feel guilty
7.12a and 7.12b

131. SETTING UP A SUPPORT GROUP
You could set up your own support group Help is available: Contact a Family
7.13

132. REFLECTION Reviewed focus for the week Home and school issues
Children’s services
Rights and responsibilities
Special Educational Needs provision
Statements
Tips on learning and social skills
Communicating with professionals
7.14

133. FINAL THOUGHTS What have you enjoyed most about the course?
What is the main thing you learnt from the course?
Name one hope that you have for your family’s future.
7.15

134. THANK YOU FOR COMING
7.16