1. Conflict Paradigms I win/ You win You win I win I lose/ You lose
Concern for harmony and relationships
I win
Concern for ideas/issues
Desire to break harmony/relationships
I lose/
You lose
I win/
You lose

2. Mediators Qualifications Roles: Situations Trusted by both sides
Appropriate social skills
Wisdom and status
Neutrality
Roles:
Observer
Chair
Referee
Prompter
Arbiter/Judge
Situations
Trade
Marriage
Contracts
Disputes

3. Non-Western Conflict Metaphors (Augsburger, Conflict Mediation across Cultures, p. 49)
Duel
Boxing match
Foot race
Soccer match
Auction or sale
Bargaining or trade
Popularity contest
Dividing the pie
Arm wrestling
Court of law
Arbitration

4. Conflict Choices
We hope for and expect unity and connection, but the expectations of others are not identical to ours
Thus, a “conflict incident” occurs . . .
and we may react
destructively without thinking
and we begin to harbor pain which leads us to
develop, harbor or reinforce negative stereotypes
we withdraw
we become
aggressive
. . .
. .. Or we may try to react constructively
We reflect on the cause. . . and our reaction may subside
We choose an appropriate conflict strategy
We re-observe the situation,
resolve
we work to understand
forgive
. . . causing a reaction

5. Seeing Forgiveness in Context
We will see the importance of forgiveness as a central category in relating to others to the extent that we see every relationship enmeshed in a war that leads to a taste of heaven or hell.
Allender and Longman, Bold Love, p. 88

6. Forgiveness Developing the Craft
Our ability to forgive is founded on our being forgiven
Forgiveness is not an end in itself; it has the goals of reconciliation and communion
Forgiveness is not limited to a technique or set of steps, it is a lifestyle to be developed
Forgiveness is a craft requiring the discipline of developing habits and practices which reflect Godly character
There is no way to bypass the struggle in developing the craft of forgiveness

7. Forgiveness The Act of Forgiving
Forgiveness Does NOT Involve . . .
Forgiveness Does Involve . . .
Being content with asking God to help
Recognizing that God does help; but I must make the choice; it is a crisis of my will
Forgetting what happened or
Denying the truth of my hurt or
Letting >time heal everything’
Honestly admitting my pain
Justifying or
Excusing or
Tolerating
what happened
Being strong enough to hold the offender accountable,
recognizing the debt that comes with pain
Waiting until the offender apologizes or
Taking revenge before you forgive
Agreeing to live with the consequences of another person's sin by freely choosing to release the debt and accept the pain that comes with its release

8. Cross-Cultural Principles Duane Elmer, Cross-Cultural Conflict
The degree to which shame, face, and honor are core cultural values will determine how important it may be to choose an indirect method.
If the other person has had extensive exposure to Western culture, sensitive directness may be acceptable, understood and not offensive.
All forms of confrontation should occur in private, if possible, so as to minimize any loss of face.
Familiarize yourself with the stories, parables, fables, legends, and heroes of the culture in order to appropriately interpret their use in conflict situations.

9. Cross-Cultural Principles (cont) Duane Elmer, Cross-Cultural Conflict
Understand the various indirect methods used in your host culture and be alert to which ones are used and under what circumstances.
Build a close relationship with a host-culture person who will be able to help you interpret confusing situations.
Ask God for help in understanding and applying unfamiliar conflict resolution strategies.
Scripture is the final judge of all cultural forms; prayer and discussion may be required before some cultural expressions are embraced.

10. Developing Conflict Competence
Choose to work on keeping things in Kingdom perspective
Grow in extending forgiveness
Develop a range of conflict styles
Work to be able to set aside direct confrontation
Grow as an observer of the communication methods used in the new culture (e.g., mediation, the use of passive vs active language, proverbs, etc.)
Grow in your toleration of ambiguity
Practice re-framing--consciously changing your communication and conflict styles to meet the expectations of the new culture